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A Catholic Marriage?

This post I published already in March 2012 I copied it here because I think it shows a bit more what my parents were like.

Max Tomscik had changed his name to Max Burghoff, I think you call it by deeds. Herr Burghoff had been Mum’s friend for several years when the following conversation between Dad and myself took place. For some reason Dad insisted on using the original name. We children always called him “Herr Burghoff”. We thought it was right and proper to do this. We had absolutely no problem with it.

‘The boys told me that Tomscik never shared his supper with you children,’ said Dad. It was June 1953. I was on a one week leave from FLEUROP and had used this, my very first vacation, to visit Dad in Düsseldorf.
‘Don’t worry, Dad,’ was my response. ‘We never wanted Herr Burghoff to act as our Dad. I thought it was perfectly all right that he bought “Abendbrot” only for himself and Mum. At the time he was still studying and didn’t have much money. Maybe it would have been different had he already been employed in the Public Service.’
‘And what is this, that he wants to marry Mum?’ asked Dad. – ‘Well, it’s true, he wanted to marry her. You know, that as a Catholic he was not allowed to marry a divorced woman. That’s why they asked the Pope for special permission. It took a while, but they did get it in the end.’
‘Yea, by declaring the marriage invalid and my children bastards,’ screamed Dad.
‘I know, they established that she married under pressure of her mother and sister Ilse. They claim, she didn’t really know what she was getting into when she married you.’
Dad looked extremely upset. ‘That’s absolute nonsense!’ he shouted.
I felt very sorry for Dad. ‘Anyway, Dad, it seems Mum’s not going to marry him after all. Tante Ilse says so.’
‘And why would that be? What could possibly be a reason for not marrying him now?’
‘The reason? According to Tante Ilse there are several reasons. You know Herr Burghoff is now employed here in a town in the Rheinland. That is Mum would have to move away from Berlin, if she wanted to live with him. And you know what Mum’s like: She just does not want to leave Berlin!’ Dad nodded. He knew all about this: Mum had always refused to leave Berlin to live with him.
‘ And Tante Ilse told me something else. She said when Mum went to his new place for a visit, she noticed him praying a lot. At least twice a day he would fall on his knees praying in front of a statue. It was kind of acceptable for Mum to go with him to Sunday Mass in Berlin. But apparently she can’t stand all this praying at home. Tante Ilse thinks it was just too much for her to see him do this. Indeed, it must have been the straw that broke the camel’s back!’

Tags: Dad, divorce, family, Mum

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Childhood Memories

6 Responses to “Childhood Memories”

ElizOF
March 17, 2012 at 7:46 pm Edit #
I had a good laugh about: But apparently she can’t stand all this praying at home. Tante Ilse thinks it was just too much for her to see him do this…. Your mom must have been quite fascinating!

auntyuta
March 18, 2012 at 7:15 am Edit #

http://berlioz1935.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/the-woman-who-jumped-up-for-jesse-owens/

We think that Charlotte, my mother, was ‘the woman who jumped up for Jesse Owens’.

She was quite fascinating indeed. Unfortunately my father wasn’t the right man for either.

likeitiz
March 18, 2012 at 2:15 am Edit #
It’s quite apparent they had very different values and beliefs. It would have been a disastrous marriage if it did go through. At least it was avoided in time.

auntyuta
March 18, 2012 at 7:30 am Edit #
Mary-Ann, please see what I replied to the comment of Eliz.

You may be interested to read the story about ‘the woman who jumped up for Jesse Owens’. Peter, my husband, wrote this story. I think it’s very believable and shows what Charlotte was like. After she decided not to marry her ‘Bambi’ (Tomscik alias Burghoff), she established herself in a council job and through very hard work till she turned 65 made the best out of her life and her retirement.

I agree with you that people with very different values and beliefs should not marry.

Munira
March 20, 2012 at 7:47 am Edit #
Thank God your mum caught him praying at home in time!

auntyuta
March 20, 2012 at 9:41 am Edit #
Your comment, Munira, makes me think. Maybe there was some truth in their claim that they had only a ‘Tischgemeinschaft’, which means they had meals together but weren’t sleeping together!

Tags: Dad, divorce, family, Marriage, Mum

Comments 2 Comments
Categories Childhood Memories, Memories

DIARY

4 May

I think my poor husband has enough for a while of me always editing and uploading pictures for new blogs. I finally managed to put a stop to inserting pictures about our recent trips, the trips when we went about in this rental car. I am happy now that the task is finished even though it was great fun doing it. Writing about where we had been and what we had experienced is really good for refreshing memories. And to look at all the pictures really does help to remember more and more.

Yes, Peter for sure doesn’t like me to spend too much time with the computer. He always urges me to do something else. Ah well, I think we’ve been doing a few other things recently besides spending time with the computer. And for beginning of next week three more trips are planned: Two to Sydney and one to Warrawong. But more about this some other time.

Wishing now everyone a very good weekend!

Tags: memories, Pictures, Trips

Comments 21 Comments
Categories Diary, Life in Australia, Memories, Old Age

Two of my Grandsons

6 Apr

This is Troy with Grandma

And this is Ryan with Grandma

These pictures were taken on their birthday in June of 2011.

December 2011
Ryan and Troy having a good ttime

Tags: birthday, Grandma, Grandsons

Comments 6 Comments
Categories Life in Australia, Memories, Old Age

April Snow

2 Apr

We went as migrants from Germany to Australia in 1959. Eighteen years later we were able to go back to Germany for a visit. Peter had taken his long service leave. This is why we could stay in Germany for about two months, from the middle of March to the middle of May. The year was 1977. Peter looked up now the date for Easter Sunday of that year. It was actually the 10th of April.

Peter and I, we both distinctly remember Good Friday and Easter Sunday of 1977. On Good Friday late in the evening we went outside after we had seen a wonderful opera performance (Aida!). We saw gently, gently a few snowflakes coming down. During the following day the snow disappeared because it was not cold enough for it to remain.

However on Easter Sunday we went with Peter’s family to a restaurant called ‘Die Zwiebelstuben’. The same thing happened. We looked out of the window and saw snowflakes ever so gently coming from above and settling on the ground. It was such a peaceful picture. We just loved it.

People have been telling us recently, this year they still have a lot of snow all over Berlin. They are sick and tired of the cold temperatures. They are longing so very much for spring to arrive. They say in April it should be much warmer already. And they think it’s about time that the snow should disappear. Snow in April? It reminds us a bit of the snow we saw in April of 1977. However the snow in April of 1977 didn’t last for very long. We just noticed it on a couple of nights and soon it was gone again.

These two nights in 1977 when we saw the snowflakes coming down, these two night were an unforgettable experience for us. This sort of calmness you usually would remember in connection with Christmas. But this was not Christmastime; it happened to be Easter of 1977. Really wonderful.

Tags: Christmas, Easter, Snow, Springtime

Comments 12 Comments
Categories Diary, Memories, Old Age

Memories from 1974 (reblogged)

15 Mar

The ramp leads up to our kitchen door. Gaby in her wheelchair at age 16 1/2. From left to right: Her Papa, Brother, Mama and Sister.

The other day I came across some notes I made about some conversations in our family towards the end of summer of 1974 when Gaby was sixteen, Monika fifteen, Martin close to fourteen, Peter close to thirty-nine and I also thirty-nine.

ONE AFTERNOON IN FEBRUARY 1974

Gaby, my daughter, sits in her wheelchair in the kitchen close to the open door. Peter, her father, helps her to sort out her record-club order.

I am outside close to the open door. I am stretched out on the lawn under a large umbrella, taking notes of the following conversation.

Gaby: I should’ve written on that form ‘please hurry’. Gee, I’m glad I’m going to get that record at last. Will you put all this away now, please?

Peter: Wie, das willste auch aufheben? Das ist doch nur Reklame, Menschenskind!
What, you’re going to keep that too? These are only adds, for heaven’s sake!

Gaby: I keep everything from the record-club.

Peter: So, wo kommt das hin? So, where does this go?

Gaby: Right at the back of the folder. It’s nice paper, isn’t it?

Peter: Nee.

Gaby: That’s the second record I’ve ordered. Are they going to send me a receipt?

Peter: No, das ist covered. The balance is going to show it. Kommt das hier rin?

Gaby: No, it goes into the blue folder.

Son Martin comes up the ramp. He carries his school-case., greets me with ‘Hi, Mum’, enters the house. A little later daughter Monika follows, also with school- case and saying ‘Hi, Mum!’ I say ‘Hi, Martin! Hi, Monika!’ As Martin enters the
house, Peter and Gaby are still deep in conversation.

Peter: Martin, was sagt man denn, wenn man hier hereinkommt? — Good-day!
What do you say when you come in here? — Good-day!

Martin: You were talking.

Monika says ‘Hi’ as she enters. And Peter says: ‘Hallo, Monika!’

A bit later Peter and Martin talk with Gaby about her school-certificate.

Martin: That bit of scrap-paper, is that all you’ve got?

Peter: Mehr braucht se doch nicht. Das ist das certificate.
She doesn’t need anything else. This is the certificate.

Martin: Actually you shouldn’t have passed since you didn’t work right through
the year.

Peter: Hat se gut gearbeitet, hat se auch bestanden.
Oh, she worked well, that’s how she passed.

Martin: But she didn’t arbeite gut. She didn’t work well.

Peter: Nun lass man gut sein. Sie hat schon gut gearbeitet.
Now leave her alone. She did work quite well.

A bit later

Monika: Gee, it’s hot! Pat and Donna are coming in a minute. They want a lift over to
Warilla Grove. Who’s going to take us to Warilla Grove? It’s late already, you
know?

(calling from outside)
Uta: Papa’s going to take you!

Monika: Better hurry up!

Gaby: Papa, don’t forget to mail my record-order! The letter-box gets emptied soon!

Peter: Wann musst Du auf der Arbeit sein, Monika?
When do you have to be at work, Monika?

Monika: We have to leave within the next five or ten minutes.

Peter: Ich fahre erst tanken. I go to get some petrol first.

Peter leaves in a hurry.

Pat and Donna come up the ramp. Monika greets them and goes inside with them.

I hear a terrible noise from the neighbours’ backyard: One of their sons goes on his mini-bike round and round in the backyard.

A bit later Wayne comes up the ramp. He carries a beach-towel.

Uta: Hi, Wayne! Do you want to go to the pool with Martin?

Waine: Yeah.

Uta: Best thing you can do in this weather!

Waine: Yeah.

Wayne enters the house. Peter returns from getting petrol. Soon after he leaves with Monika, Pat and Donna in the car. (At Warilla Grove Monika is going to get some training at the Woolworths cash register.)

Martin and Wayne leave for the pool. The mini-bike has stopped making
noise. I enter the house.

Gaby: Heh, Mama, you have to buy some food today, don’t you?

Uta: That’s right.

Gaby: When are you going?

Uta: Later.

Gaby: Better go before five thirty.

Uta: Yes, I’ll do that.

Gaby: How much money have you got?

Uta: I don’t know.

(A bit later.)

Gaby: Mama, can you move my left foot? (I do it.)
Can I go on the Pfanne when Papa gets back?

Uta: Yes, sure.

(She means when Peter gets back, she wants him to lie her on her bed, so that I can put her on her bed-pan.)

Gaby: Can I have a Vitamin C tablet?

I give her one. There’s some more noise from the mini-bike. Peter
returns.

Peter: I just remembered, I forgot to post your letter.

Gaby: God, how could you forget! — Can you post the letter, Mama? You have to go now because the letter-box gets emptied soon.

Peter: Mensch, ist mir warm! My goodness, I feel so hot and sweaty!

Uta: Willst Du nicht zum Pool gehen? Martin ist mit Wayne zum Pool
gegangen. Wouldn’t you like to go to the swimming pool? Martin did go
to the pool with Waine.

Peter: Ich bin schon ewig nicht am Pool gewesen. It’s been ages since I went
to the pool.

Uta: Ein bisschen Schwimmen würde Dir gut tun. A bit of swimming would be
good for you!

Apparently Gaby wants her letter posted before she goes to the toilet.
I get ready to post the letter and do some shopping. The mini-bike makes
an awful lot of noise again.

Tags: 1974, daughters. son, Gaby, Summer

Comments 8 Comments
Categories Memories

Stralsund at the Baltic Sea

27 Feb

One of the old apartment houses in Stralsund

On the Way to Stralsund

Arriving in Stralsund on Saturday, 10th November 2012, around lunchtime.

Tags: Autumn in Mecklenburg/Vorpommern, Baltic Sea, Mecklenburg/Vorpommern, Stolperstein, Stralsund

Comments 12 Comments
Categories Diary, Memories

Saturday, 10th November 2012

27 Feb

As I probably mentioned in one of my earlier posts the family of my father was a rather large family. My father had five siblings! His younger sister Elisabeth (Liez) was about the same age as my mother. My mother and father had three children, Elisabeth and her husband Alfred had also three children. We children were similar in age. I was born in 1934, our cousin Horst six months later in 1935; my brother Bodo was born in 1938 and our cousin Karin one year later in 1939; my brother Peter Uwe was born in 1941 and our cousin Udo one year later in 1942.

This means Cousin Udo is the one who turned 70 in September 2012. Peter Uwe and his wife Astrid had told me they were going to drive to the Stuttgart area in time to be there for Udo’s birthday celebrations. And they invited me to come along with them. It would give me a chance to meet up with a lot of our grandfather’s descendants, who would all come to celebrate Udo’s birthday. This was the time when our cousin Renate (our mother’s niece) had just had a severe stroke and it looked bad. Renate’s daughter sent me emails and kept me up-to-date about Renate’s condition. I had the feeling, in case that Renate should die, I should aim at going to her funeral rather than travelling with Peter Uwe and Astrid all the way to Stuttgart. Then I did get the news that Renate had died in a hospital in Munich. She was to be cremated in Munich a few days later when there was to be an urn-burial near where she had lived.

I blogged about it how Peter and I travelled by train to Munich. This meant I could not travel with Peter Uwe and Astrid. They were not very happy about this, because they had already booked accommodation for the three of us. Anyhow, what has all this to do with Saturday, the 10th November 2012? Well, at the time we were still staying with Peter Uwe and Astrid att their house in Mecklenburg/Vorpommern. On this Saturday they suggested we could all travel to Stralsund to meet Uwe, our cousin’s son, as well as his family.

Of course Astrid and Peter Uwe had met the whole family at Udo’s birthday party. Uwe has a wife (I forgot her name now) and four lovely children. To have as many as four children is nowadays rather unusual for a German family in Germany. But anyhow we met them all at their family home in Stralsund. I was very impressed what a lovely well organised family they were. We arrived at lunchtime and they invited us for lunch. Astrid had baked an apple-cake and had mentioned on the phone that she would bring it along. On the way to Stralsund we stopped at a super-market to buy a few sweets for the children and flowers for the lady of the house. Some of the children helped to set the table. They had a huge table in a huge living-room area. Their apartment had very high ceilings and I think about five bedrooms. They lived in a building which was maybe one hundred years old but wonderfully restored and looked as good as new.

The apple-cake was served as a desert with coffee. Uwe had an appointment after lunch and had to rush off. But during lunch we had a really good conversation with the whole family. All the children participated in the conversation too, which impressed me very much. The way the conversation went reminded me a bit about my grandfather in Lodz. I found Uwe was as good a talker as Grandfather had been. And he would draw everyone into the conversation as well. I really enjoyed observing this family and how they related to each other. Alas, we could stay with them only for a very short time. We pointed out that we were about to explore Stralsund a little bit. They gave us good advice, where to go and what would be of interest to see.

Stralsund is situated at the Baltic Sea. Peter took some harbour pictures and some pictures of the beautifully restored buildings in the midst of town. I took some pictures too, but they got lost when my computer crashed. Nobody thought of taking any photos of this lovely family we had been visiting. This I regret very much. But my pictures got lost anyway. There are quite a few pictures that Peter took and I am going to publish them in my next blog.

Tags: Autumn in Mecklenburg/Vorpommern, Baltic Sea, cousin, Cousin's Birthday, Cousin's Grandchildren, Family History, Family Life, Stralsund

Comments 6 Comments
Categories Diary, Memories, Old Age

Oral History

16 Feb

http://www.nla.gov.au/what-we-collect/oral-history-and-folklore

The past week Peter and I have been busy with the telling of our lives’ story. We had a very lovely visitor recording everything for the Oral History section of the library at Canberra. It takes a few weeks before these recordings are accessible. I understand they are going to be preserved for future generations. This whole project is of course extremely exciting for us.

Frances, who’s interviewing us, tells us, we as migrants from Germany, having been through WW II and post war years as children in Germany have experiences to recall which people would be interested to hear about. Also of interest are our experiences in Australia as migrants. In this regard it is of special interest to find out how our lives were shaped by having had a daughter who had been severely disabled by polio.

Neither Peter or I are experienced speakers. Having our voices recorded is something completely new to us. However Frances is very good at encouraging us. She gently guides us into the relevant sections of our lives by asking some questions. Peter and I are always being interviewed separately. Usually we have one hour each in the morning, then a lunch-break, and maybe another hour each in the afternoon.

I found out having to talk for one hour at a time about my life can be rather tiring and sometimes a bit stressful too. But I love doing it especially with such a good interviewer as Frances. By the middle of next week she’s going to be back for the conclusion of the interviews.

frances

Tags: Australia, Canberra Library, family, Germany, Interviews, Migration, Oral History, poliomyelitis

Comments 10 Comments
Categories Childhood Memories, Diary, Life in Australia, Memories

Some Reflections about Meck/Pom

13 Feb

At a restaurant in a nearby village

This photo brings back happy memories about spending time in Mecklenburg/Vorpommern with my brother and sister-in-law. This photo was taken on Monday, 12th November 2012.

Today is Ash-Wednesday, 13th February 2013.

I am thinking back to our stay in Meck/Pom. The eight days with my brother and sister-in-law were packed full. They showed us around nearly every day. A lot of historical sites were included as you can see from some of my recent posts. Since I did not post anything at all during our stay in beautiful Meck/Pom, I had planned on catching up with it at a later time. Well, now I finally did it.

At least I sorted out all the pictures from that time. These pictures were bound to trigger a lot of memories. I am happy I was able to post a lot of the pictures as well as what they mean to me. As far as the history of Mecklenburg is concerned I must say I find a lot of it very intriguing. I became especially interested in the personal history of some of the historical figures and the social conditions over the past centuries. But of course I only scratched the surface. There is an immense amount of material at your fingertips to study. A lot of caring people see to it that all this material is preserved for future generations. The castles and historical sites in the area attract every year many visitors. My brother and his wife knew all these places already from previous visits. Joyfully they took us to all these places. Apparently they love to go there again and again.

We saw as much as possible within the short time of our stay. During our other visit there in June 2010 we saw some different and also very interesting places in the area. I am sure there a lot more still to explore. I’d love to be able to go there again. However the main thing for hubby and me was really to spend time with Peter Uwe and Astrid. We had hoped they would come and visit us in Australia. Sadly it looks now as though they’ve given up on this idea.

Tags: brother, family, Mecklenburg/Vorpommern, Sister-in-Law, visitors

Comments 14 Comments
Categories Diary, Memories

Hohenzieritz, Queen Louise Memorial Site

11 Feb

In 1771 Carl II of Mecklenburg-Strelitz visited his sister, Queen Charlotte. During his visit in England he became aware of beautifully landscaped gardens. He organised for Archibald Thomson, a brilliant English landscape gardener, to establish a landscaped garden at Hohenzieritz. This wonderful park-like garden still exists today. We had the pleasure to wander around in it.

We also had the good fortune to take a glance inside Hohenzieritz castle where two rooms on the ground-floor can be seen as a memorial to Queen Louise. Since Louise died in Hohenzieritz this place is mentioned in all the history books and visitors can find out a lot about Luise’s life at this historical site.

Louise married Friedrich Wilhelm when she was 17 and he was 23. The first years of their marriage they lived in peace and loved each other very much whenever they could be together. The last peaceful year was 1805 for them. The following years they had to flee the French army under Napoleon. They lived in exile in East-Prussia till they finally could go back to Berlin at the beginning of 1810. The winters in East-Prussia were bitter cold. Louise and her children were sick frequently. Towards the end of the war years Louise was totally run down and often depressed. She suffered a lot of fevers and breathing difficulties. Plus she had born her last two children in exile. She had had ten pregnancies in all during her marriage. However only seven children survived.

A lot of people surrounded Louise while she lay dying in her father’s study room where a bed had been brought in for her. There’s a picture of her deathbed in Schloss Hohohenzieritz. She died on the 19th July 1810. Friedrich Wilhelm sits at the bed beside her. Her two eldest sons kneel at her bedside. At the foot of the bed are Louise’s father (Carl II) as well as her brother George. At the bed’s top-end are Dr. Heim, Countess von Voss and Louise’s friend Caroline von Berg.