Here in Australia a house in a complex of free standing houses is called a villa. Gaby and David lived in such a villa for twenty-three years. Gaby and David each had their own bedroom plus a spare bedroom which visitors could make use of. In the early days Peter and I would sometimes stay overnight at their place. Later on this was not possible any more, because the room was being used very much as a store-room.
The whole complex of houses belongs to the Department of Housing. Gaby and David each paid some rent rent for it which was minimal. During the last year of Gaby’s life there had been talk by the Department that Gaby should be given another place because her place needed some major renovations. They offered a new place suitable for wheelchairs could be built for her. Several locations close by had already been considered. But it didn’t come yet to the actual planning stage. Gaby was just living in hope all the time that one day she could move to another brand new place. Only the question was, what would happen to David? Lots of people had been of the opinion for a long time that David actually needed nursing care himself. However I think David was a bit stubborn and didn’t want to hear of any changes.
Another serious problem was who would be willing to move in with Gaby as her constant in house carer? Gaby was in such a condition that she could not be left by herself in the house when she was asleep during the night. In an emergency she would be very helpless. There should be someone in the house she could call if she needed help. For a few hours in the morning as well as for a brief time in the afternoon and before going to bed Gaby would always have two outside carers who looked after all her personal needs. There always needed to be two because even with a hoist Gaby was difficult to be lifted and placed into her wheelchair. Gaby had also a cleaner coming in once a week and a cook at night-time. When David was still fit enough, he could do the house-work for her and he could take her out to different places. But these days were long gone. David’s health had deteriorated enormously over the years.
All of Gaby’s problems were resolved, when she ‘kicked the bucket’, I think the expression is, last year in July. David insisted on staying in the house on his own. How he managed to do this is a bit of a miracle. His problems were resolved too, when he collapsed around Christmastime unable to move. But he was able to call out and a neighbour heard him. He was admitted to hospital straight away. A few weeks later one of his legs had to be amputated below the knee. In the meantime he was placed in a nursing home. He seems to be feeling o.k. there. Maybe it finally dawned on him that he really cannot live on his own any more.
Two of his brothers and the son of one of the brothers of David turned up yesterday to clean out the villa. Peter, one of our daughters and I we helped with the discarding of things as well. But we could not finish it off yesterday. On Monday Peter and I are going back to help with what is left to be disposed.
AuntyUta 
That sort of clean up is both difficult and cathartic, isn’t it. I imagine you’ll be glad when it’s finished. Good luck as you finish up.
You’re exactly right with your comment, dear Pat. By next week it’s going to be finished. For sure quite a relief!
This is a very personal post indeed, Aunty Uta. You have given much detail.
You know, my Babsia (we called her Babasia) did NOT want to go into a nursing home. She resisted and resisted, telling family off for wanting to “put her away”. But, one day she stepped RIGHT THROUGH the wooden front porch of her house, and when the hospital attended to fixing her hip from that, they decided she had to go into a nursing home. The decision just has to be made, sometimes.
I hope you don’t feel too much emotion Monday when you go back to clean. You are a wonderful person, Aunty Uta, for all of us – all, need someone willing to clean up after we have passed on.
Bless you.
I am emotional right now, dear Noeleen. I just came accross some very personal stuff about Gaby and David. I don’t want to say much about it at this stage. I can only say once I start going through Gaby’s things, it gets very emotional. That we find a lot of her things more than seven months after she passed away, is just as well. Maybe we could not have coped with it straight after her death. We first had to get over it a bit more. Probably the same goes for David. He did not want to leave the house, rather struggled on on his own for another five months till he collapsed and they had to immediately rush him off to hospital.
The decision to go to a nursing home, well, it doesn’t always come by our own choice. What you write about your Babsia is very interesting. I think you mentioned her before in your writings. Seems maybe you can tell a lot more about her?
Love your comment, Noeleen. Many thanks. You and young Daniel have a very enjoyable weekend!
When friends and family come together, the work gets lighter and there are even moments when it is fun. Wonderful story.
It is hard when are are experiencing grief, sadness , loss and tragedy but somehow we make it through because of the people around us who constantly give their selfless support and generous love. I hope and pray that everything will turn out okay and things will be better each day. God bless.
Many thanks, dear IT, for both your comments. It comes to a closure now with the house being closed off next week. Life goes on. I get quite emotional not just about Gaby but about David too. We really could not do much for him over the years. The priorities were always with Gaby. And we knew Gaby was always doing whatever she could for David. Somehow she never gave up on David but still managed to kind of lead her own life. She was a wonderfully loving person but also determined to do whatever was possible getting some joy out of life. She communicated with a diverse number of people all through her life.
Uta, you have been nominated for One Lovely Blog Award and Best Moment Award. Congratulations!
One Lovely Blog Award and Best Moment Award . . . . well, Robert, this is awesome! T.Y.
It is very hard for anyone who has enjoyed an independent life to realize, one day, that this can no longer be possible, for whatever reason. I fell badly for David. I hope he’ll accept the change and find a new beginning in the nursing home.
We also hope very much that he can adapt to the new surroundings, It is actually called an Age Care Facility. He’s only 63, but he definitely needs a lot of care. We still haven’t been able to see him there. We’ve been flat out the last few days! But some of his family saw him there already and maybe some friends too.
Thank you for commenting, Mary-Ann.
So schöne Bilder ich wünsche dir einen schönen sonnigen Tag,und schon wieder ist die Woche fast um.gestern hatten wir einen schönen Sonnigen Tag,wie in Frühling,ich hoffe es geht dir gut.Liebe Grüße von mir Gislinde.
Wir hatten heute auch einen schönen sonnigen Tag. Da ich gestern einen schwierigen Zahn gezogen bekam, sollte ich mich heute schön ausruhen. Ich sass draussen in der schönen Spätsommer Sonne. Das war sehr relaxing. Ja, die Wochen fliegen nur so dahin. Lass es dir gutgehen, liebe Gislinde. Und wünsche dir ein schönes Wochenende dann auch. Liebe Grüsse, Uta.
An interesting post Auntyuta , the problem does arise as we get older as to the ability of the elderly to care for themselves, David is quite young I think, I,m 62, but Davids health must be to the extent of needing a carer fulltime I think, my brother is 82 and will not consider relocation and it does put a strain on the family by watching over him all the time.
I do hope life settles down for David and he can rest in comfortable caring surrounds.
Ian
Thanks for your comment, dear Ian. I think David is in a similar situation my brother Bodo is in. Not enough money for smokes or alcohol. I wonder how David is going to cope with this. We found out now, my brother isn’t coping very well at all. I hope David is going to do better. David’s brother told us, he’ll be given six cigarettes every day. It’s an improvement that he seems to accept now that he needs full-time care. In our opinion he would have needed this for a number of years already. He’s going to be 64 in May. He’s been through some very tough times when everyone was wondering how on earth could he survive this? Being of a very tough constitution he survived somehow anyway. However he did everything possible to run his health down by refusing for instance to have a nurse call on him, not taking prescribed medication and by not giving up smokes and drinks. He also did not keep doctor’s appointments. I think his doctor had given up on him. Off and on he ended up in hospital because he’s a diabetic. Each time he insisted on being sent back home. That part of his leg had to be amputated maybe was a blessing for him. Because finally a decision had to be made about his living arrangements.
So at present we try to see something positive in the way things turned out for David, hoping and praying he’s going to be all right.
Uta.
Hallo liebe Freundin ich wünsche dir auch ein glückliches schönes weekend,wir haben heute in Köln Regen schon mal wieder na ja dann bin ich eben am P.C. ist auch gut.Grüße dich ganz lieb Gislinde.
Hallo, liebe Gislinde! Wir haben dieses Wochende hier sehr schönes Wetter. Wenn die Sonne scheint fühlt man sich gleich wohler. Muss mich heute, Sonntag, mal ordentlich ausruhen. Morgen früh gehe ich zum Arzt, denn das rechte Bein macht mir Beschwerden. Aber mein Mund fühlt sich nach der Zahn Operation am Donnerstag jetzt schon wesentlich besser an. Geniesse den Sonntag, liebe Gislinde! Viele Grüsse, Uta.