Who profits from War? I have a lot of questions!

There’s a lot of spending on weapons that are bought by governments.

Is defense spending to this extent really a good thing?

How should taxpayers’ money be spent? On preparations for more and more wars?

Why not spend more money to work for peace instead?

How can we cope with wars, when there is climate change and Covid infections

to cope with?

So that mankind and advanced cicilisations have any chance

of survival, is it not essential to work towards avoiding wars?

Here you go. I do ask questions. I wonder, will I soon enough get some answer to all my

questions?

Vater, Mutter, Kind; that is ‘Father, Mother, and Child’.

Some Childhood memories

Ja, this goes back to some early childhood memories of mine!

Playing with the children that lived in our street:

I spent lots of time playing with all the children in our street, Bozener Straße. One of our games was playing ‘Vater, Mutter, Kind’. It was understood, that the father had to be a boy. Luckily, there were usually a couple of boys, who did not mind acting as the fathers. If the girls outnumbered the boys, it did not matter. They could all be mothers. Each girl was allowed to bring one doll along. This doll then was a Kind, so that each girl would be a mother with one child. And all tghe dolls would be shared with the boys. We would be very proud, to see the boys showing affection to our dolls, that were our children!

I think, a game like this would probably have lasted for only a few minutes! We would quickly have gone to play any of our other games. We could play all these games in our very small street, that was hidden away from any traffic. Not that there was much traffic yet at this point in time. I am talking of the end of the 1930s and early 1940s, and Bozener Str. is pretty much in the Centre of Berlin.

We loved to play ball games, or hide and seek, or singing and dancing games. I only went up to our apartment for meals. Mum would let me know, when it was time to come up for a meal by calling down to me from our balcony. From that balcony she could practically survey the whole of Bozener Straße!

The house, that I grew up, in is still standing. It survived all the bombings during the war. It just had to undergo some renovations in the post-war period.

https://wp.me/p1Gf2e-2bK

1st of May 2019

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We were lucky the cafe was open today, Wednesday, the first of May. We had some good breakfast there and ‘bowls’ of excellent coffee. Then we drove a bit around the backroads of this small town called Berry. Our first stop was here:

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There were still a lot of wreaths and flowers from Anzac Day.

From Wikipedia:

“Anzac Day (/ˈænzæk/) is a national day of remembrance in Australia and New Zealand that broadly commemorates all Australians and New Zealanders “who served and died in all wars, conflicts, and peacekeeping operations” and “the contribution and suffering of all those who have served”.[1][2] Observed on 25 April each year, Anzac Day was originally devised to honour the members of the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) who served in the Gallipoli Campaign, their first engagement in the First World War (1914–1918).”

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Berry Station is just down this road!

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Our next stop was the Berry Swimming Pool that was closed for the winter months from April to November.

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We passed this retirement village. We thought it looked quite interesting.

We took a few more street pictures in Berry and then drove on through Kangaroo Valley to the small town by that name.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kangaroo_Valley,_New_South_Wales

Here is some Wikipedia information about this town :

“As of 2013, the small town has a variety of arts and craft shops, restaurants and cafes, a hotel, club, post office, supermarket and other businesses, including an ambulance station, general practitioner and a chemist.

Kangaroo Valley has a bus service to Nowra and Moss Vale. Priors Scenic Express also provides a long-distance coach service to BowralMittagong, and Sydney as well as to the Shoalhaven and South Coast, as far as Narooma.”

We stopped at a very nice cafe in the main street.

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Oh yes, we had not great difficulty pretending it was 1995!!

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On the way home we stopped at the Robertson Pie Shop for a cup of refreshing tea and some delicious fruit pie.

Here is a link to a post Peter (Berlioz) wrote seven years ago:

Among other things you find the following in Peter’s post:

“The other day, on the First of May actually, we were enticed by the beautiful sunshine to drive into the country site. Not far from where we live, about 70 km is Kangaroo Valley. On the way there and back we passed through Berry, a town on the Princes Highway. It is “old charm” town where on weekends well to do people from Sydney come to visit and do some shopping for things that do not come from China, like craft work etc. . . .”

https://www.warmemorialsregister.nsw.gov.au/content/berry-war-memorial

This is mentioned about the war memorial:

“When the Cenotaph was unveiled in 1921, a tree was planted for each of the dead along Alexandra Street, at the base of each of these trees a bronze plaque was set recalling the soldier to whom the tree was originally dedicated. . . .”

Peter also did mention in his post from 2012 the Cenotaph in Berry that we visited again today:

“We drove a bit further and suddenly saw the town’s Cenotaph erected for the fallen of the two World Wars. The floral tributes from the recent ANZAC Day were still to be seen. I realised then, that perhaps Berry represents, in equal parts, the modern and the old Australia, and the fallen soldiers are the connecting element of this duality. Without knowing it they gave their lives for just the Australia we have become. Migrants of the countries that were fighting in the Great War of 1914/18 are now here. . . .”

In my post from seven years ago I mentioned the Berry Sourdough Cafe in Prince Alfred Street:

” . . . we drove on to Berry where we had some pies for lunch. We also bought some cake at the Milkwood Bakery. This is a newly opened bakery in Queen Street. They are a branch of the Berry Sourdough Cafe in Prince Alfred Street, which is famous for very good breakfasts.”  So today, seven years later but also on the first of May, we did actually have breakfast at the cafe in Prince Alfred Street.

The above link is to a real lot of fantastic images to what is available at the Berry Sourdough Cafe!!

“QUALITY FIRST: Artisan baker Jelle Hilkemeijer of Berry Sourdough Cafe says small bakeries enjoy strong loyalty from customers.”

https://www.southcoastregister.com.au/story/2604353/small-bakers-focus-on-quality/?cs=4158

And now here is the link to another post Peter wrote seven years ago about our outing on the first of May:

This blog he started with these words:

“Early in the morning we heard a song about the Hampden Bridge and we thought why not go there today? It seems to be the right thing to do. First of May is not a holiday in Australia. But what the heck, our life is a constant holiday and we can go to the Kangaroo Valley, that is where the bridge is, any time we want. So off we went. The Illawarra is a beautiful part of NSW and we are proud to live here. . . . “

Today we passed Hampden Bridge again, but did not stop there but drove on to the village of Kangaroo Valley.

Uta’s Diary

When I put the ABC TV Morning program on just now, the first thing I heard was, that Drink Spiking has become a major problem. So, when I go out and someone offers me a drink, I have to make sure, it cannot be spiked!

Today is Wednesday, the 27th of May. Two days ago, last Monday, we had Anzac Day, that is a Public Holiday! This is why I had no home help last Monday.

My dear Summah is going to help me for two hours on Thursday (tomorrow) again! Then on Friday morning I can go over to the Club to see the knitting group ladies for a little bit, and maybe have a bit of lunch at the club. And tomorrow afternoon is another games afternoon for Barbara, Erika, Irene, and me!

This coming Saturday is going to be the last day of this month. So, that means on Sunday is the 1st of May!

Now, here is some great news: One week from next Sunday, that is on the 8th of May, I am going to be on the plane with my daughters Caroline and Monika, and Krystal (Monika’s daughter)!

We go first to Singapore. And from Singapore we catch a direct flight to Berlin, Germany, to see some relatives and friends . . . .

We are going to be back in Australia on Monday, the 23rd of May!

A bit of Dreaming and my Thoughts and Questions about Freedom and Independence and about lasting Peace

And how can there be adequate freedom and happiness with their government

for the whole population, or at least the majority of the population of one

country?

At the moment I am sufficiently confused. I ask myself, will we ever be able to achieve

lasting peace all over the world?

What about the defense industry: Does mankind really need that many weapons and war inducing facilities?

Can we not eventually talk to each other to settle our differences,

rather than attack each other in a nasty way just because we are different

from each other, and also may have different feelings about certain things?

What is there, that can unite mankind for good?

Why do we promote war rather than peace with another country?

Is war really the best way to ‘get our wishes’ for freedom or independence promoted?

You guess right: I am thinking more and more about how the Ukrainian people might perhaps be helped.

So, It is strange to consider, that the most hatred can often develop between very close people, like between brothers/sisters or cousins!

Well, it looks to me, to work for and achieve peace still takes quite a bit of time, especially if there are so many war mongers are among us that profit financially from the promotion of war!

It is the poor people that have to suffer most and more and more from all this.

That we can all have the ‘good’ life is again becoming just a dream and not the reality.

Children of divorced Marriages: This is what I published in August 2014

If the parents separate amiably the children usually learn to cope with the separation. Some children may on the outside cope all right, even if there is constant struggle between the parents. Children can probably cope all right if they happen to be totally in agreement with the parent they live with.

I do not want to make this too theoretical. So I just start with a bit of my own experience. I fall into the category of the child who is constantly torn between the parents. To my mind this is a pretty bad state to be in. I think I can say that my parents’ relationship was very much a love/hate relationship. The way I see it, it was not the right kind of love that led my parents to each other. Their outlooks and aspirations in life were extremely different. There were separations due to conditions under the Hitler regime and to the disaster of World War Two. After the war they just could not live together any more, that is my mother refused to live with my father. I constantly heard her saying bad things about him. Her hate was unrelenting. She showed not one iota of compassion towards him. My two younger brothers and I lived with my mother. There was no question that we could have lived with my father at the time.

My parents got divorced when I was sixteen on the request of my mother for she wanted to marry someone else. It turned out, the man, who wanted to marry Mum, was not the right man for her. She decided she would rather not marry him. Instead she made an enormous effort to get some secure employment and become independent.

When I was in my twenties, Dad married a second time. This time a widow who luckily was just the right person for him. Sadly they had only a short life together. Dad died of cancer aged 62.

My parents had been in enormously strenuous circumstances after the end of WW II. Till the end of the 1950s they both struggled enormously to make ends meet. Dad died in 1966, Mum died in 1994 aged 83.

Mum had two sisters and a brother. One of the sisters, who never had any children, divorced her first husband and had a very good marriage with her second husband. This was ‘meine’ Tante Ilse. She played a big part in my life. She was a very motherly woman.

Dad was one of six in the family. All his siblings married and had children. None ever got divorced. One of Dad’s nephews lost his wife after she had given birth to a little girl who was then raised by the second wife as though it was her own. The nephew also had a son with the second wife.

Mum’s other sister had only one child. This was my cousin Sigrid. Sigrid was four years my senior. She was a great person: Outgoing, fun loving, very musical. I adored her. She was such good company. She married a dentist. The dentist divorced Sigrid in a very amiable way. I think their two children were grown up already at the time. Walter, the dentist, then married his receptionist and had a child with her. Sigrid remained good friends with Walter and his new wife.

When I met Peter, my future husband, it turned out, his parents were divorced too. Maybe this is another story along with the divorce of one of our daughters.

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What I wrote two Years agoSeptember 8, 2013In “Childhood Memories”

My ParentsSeptember 7, 2013In “Childhood Memories”

What did I worry about during my growing up Years?December 17, 2019In “Memories”

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Published by auntyuta

Auntie, Sister. Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, Mother and Wife of German Descent I’ve lived in Australia since 1959 together with my husband Peter. We have four children, eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. I started blogging because I wanted to publish some of my childhood memories. I am blogging now also some of my other memories. I like to publish some photos too as well as a little bit of a diary from the present time. Occasionally I publish a story with a bit of fiction in it. Peter, my husband, is publishing some of his stories under berlioz1935.wordpress.com View all posts by auntyuta

PublishedAugust 25, 2014

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10 thoughts on “Children of divorced Marriages”

  1. catterel EditDivorce usually leaves sharp jagged edges that hurt everyone involved in the relationship, parent and children alike. Even where parents refrain from badmouthing one another, I believe the children are inevitably torn between mother and father. But – besser ein Ende mit Schrecken als Schrecken ohne Ende.Reply
    1. auntyuta Edit“Besser ein Ende mit Schrecken als Schrecken ohne Ende.”
      I agree, Cat, if the parents can refrain from badmouthing one another after a separation the children might still be torn between mother and father, however in this case an ending of the marriage is probably beneficial for all concerned in the long run.Reply
  2. rangewriter EditRelationships are so complicated. This is an area in my life where I have not done well. What I do understand, however, is that women today have far more options to control their own destiny than in former times. The result is that if a marriage isn’t working, it is relatively simply to disengage from it. Simple legally, but never emotionally. Who knows what completely bizarre strains the German politics of the 1920-40s put upon all relationships.Often, people were forced to compromise their principles in ways we cannot and don’t want to imagine. And then the heart remembers those compromises and finds reconciliation difficult. My heart bleeds for your mom, your dad, and you and your siblings for the upheaval that ensued.While all divorce leaves a wake of confusion and grief, much of that pain can be ameliorated if only the parents can bring themselves to act like adults. Refraining from badmouthing a former spouse can be difficult, but it is a parental duty.Reply
  3. auntyuta EditI did not do that well all the time either, Linda, even though I have been married now for close tor 58 years. But believe me, there were periods in my life when the togetherness did not seem all that harmonious. Sometimes I very much questioned my ability to function as a wife and mother. It can be hard work to make a marriage work; most important seems to be to keep love alive somehow. When love is regularly turning into hate, we have to face up to it that the marriage is unsustainable.
    Should my mother and father never have married? Then my brothers and I would not exist. But as far as there staying together is concerned, well, this is a different matter. I do accept that for them it was better that they separated and later on were divorced. It would definitely have been better if they could have done this without all this fighting.
    You say, Linda: Refraining from badmouthing a former spouse can be difficult, but it is a parental duty.
    In this regard I stand totally on the side of my father. In my experience he never badmouthed my mother. Even though he tended to be extremely emotional and hurt by my mother’s rejection of him, he always stressed that he did not want us children to have a bad relationship with her for she was our mother. When I let my mother feel that I did not reject my father she tended to be angry with me ‘for taking his side’. The way I saw it, my mother was totally guided by her emotions, whereas my father tried very hard to act as an adult towards us children.Reply
  4. cardamone5 EditAh, Aunty Uta, how glad I am that we found each other. You are blessed in your marriage to Peter, having not had good role models. I often find myself struggling with how to be the right wife, but my husband is enormously loving and forgiving. He is my rock (in the good sense that he doesn’t go anywhere if I break down, which I have done twice, and in the challenging sense that he is very stubborn.) I have no doubt that my own lack of role models will not effect the longevity of our marriage. We have been together for a long time already and have withstood all trials and joys. In fact, yesterday, we celebrated early our fifteen year wedding anniversary. It was lovely. Thanks for echoing my experience with your post.Fondly,
    ElizabethReply
  5. auntyuta EditThanks very much for this beautiful comment, dear Elizabeth. I think, we, as women, cannot praise men like our husbands, highly enough! 
    Cheerio,
    UtaReply
  6. elizabeth2560 EditYour post spells out the difficulties all those affected by divorce have. It goes down through the generations. And I know that much advice says that we (the divorced) should ‘act like adults’ but I think sometimes it is much more difficult for the ‘leavee’ to cope.
    For example, I know that I cannot pretend to be ‘friends’ as it is simply too painful.
    However, civility is managed most of the time.Reply
    1. auntyuta EditOf course, Elizabeth, to be friends requires that you have overcome pain or maybe not felt much pain in the first place. However I think it is a great achievement if you can manage civility most of the time.
      Sadly my mother was not capable of this at all.
      Thanks very much for commenting, dear Elizabeth.Reply
      1. elizabeth2560 EditThank YOU for this series of posts. I have connected with them and I have been interested by your views on this topic.
      2. auntyuta EditI thank you very much for your comments, dear Elizabeth! Means a lot to me. Thank you.

My Thoughts on Divorce in August 2014

Helen Mirren played Elizabeth II in the movie THE QUEEN. We watched this movie last night on TV. This movie made me think about the issue of divorce in our society. I contemplated what leads to divorce, and how it effects our lives, for example in my own family but also in families like the British Royal family. Often one can see the signs that lead to divorce, but sometimes a divorce can come more or less totally unexpected.

First I want to say how well I think Helen Mirren portrayed the queen. We already saw several movies with Helen Mirren as British queens.

Wikipedia says apart from Elizabeth II Helen Mirren portrayed these queens:
“The first was a queen consort, Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz in The Madness of King George (1994), for which she was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress; the second was a queen regnant, Elizabeth I, in the 2005 miniseries Elizabeth I. She also played a policewoman, under cover as the Queen, in The Fiendish Plot of Dr. Fu Manchu.”

THE QUEEN is a 2006 British drama film that depicts the aftermath of the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, who died on 31 August 1997. I remember, how shocked we all were about her death. After her divorce from Prince Charles the media had kept haunting her unceasingly. I ask myself, did the public expect her to live like a nun after her divorce? Probably not. However the interest in Diana’s private life was kept alive by a very intrusive media. She was an extremely good looking, very kind woman. The public just loved her. The excessive media attention led to disaster. In the end not only Britain but the whole world was grieving her death.

I recall an interview with Diana as she opened up about her marriage. She said it was like there were three people in the marriage. She came across as being very honest and heartbroken about it. I think she felt as though she did not have a husband any more. She had fulfilled her duty to give the throne two heirs. Now Prince Charles felt free to follow his muse. Diana was too young and fun loving for him. She played no big part in his life. He probably had married her more or less only because she was young and good looking and likely to give him some children. But it turned out he had no real connection to her. She wanted some affection in her marriage. She did not get it the way she felt she needed it. How very tragic! Divorce followed after a long struggle. The rest is history, as the saying goes.

There were quite a few divorces in my immediate family:
First my favourite aunt was divorced, then my parents were divorced, my husband’s parents were also divorced, my favourite cousin was divorced, also one of my daughters did get a divorce (in her twenties!), one of my brothers got a divorce. And so it goes. It seems there were plenty of divorces within my immediate family. Have divorces increased during the past fifty or a hundred years? Probably. Is divorce always a disaster? And who benefits from a divorce?

These are very general questions. I would say more often than not one partner wants a divorce to be able to marry someone else. The partner who is left behind may initially feel quite deserted but in time adjust to the new conditions and possibly be able to find solace in being free again. Sometimes divorce may be due to difficult economic circumstances . . . .

Does a deteriorating love life necessarily lead to divorce? Yes and no. After a man has been married for a number of years, he may wonder what it might be like with somebody else. He may feel that some new exciting love affair would be quite a challenge. What man can resist if an attractive woman indicates to him that she could be willing? The man tumbles into a new relationship. The new woman is hopeful the man is going to leave his wife and marry her. So he needs to get a divorce. Then he can marry the new woman. As simple as this.

In the ‘old’ days some women would refuse to grant the husband a divorce. Then maybe the husband would just live apart from his wife with the other woman. Sooner or later the other woman might find another man who could marry her. Then perhaps the first wife would end up with her husband living at home again. Or not, if she found it impossible to forgive him. Or found someone else herself in the meantime!

If a woman falls in love with a man who is married already, is it morally right if this woman accepts the advances of a married man. They both might feel they are made for each other. It may turn out then that the first woman is left behind. The new woman might be married herself and end up asking for a divorce if she wants to stay with the new man.

So far I have never mentioned children of divorced marriages. If there are any young children involved this can complicate matters quite a lot. I’ll write about my thoughts on this some other time.

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Uta’s Diary, towards the End of May 2015May 30, 2015In “Diary”

She is my FriendAugust 26, 2014In “Memories”

Children of divorced MarriagesAugust 25, 2014In “Memories”

Edit”My Thoughts on Divorce”

Published by auntyuta

Auntie, Sister. Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, Mother and Wife of German Descent I’ve lived in Australia since 1959 together with my husband Peter. We have four children, eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. I started blogging because I wanted to publish some of my childhood memories. I am blogging now also some of my other memories. I like to publish some photos too as well as a little bit of a diary from the present time. Occasionally I publish a story with a bit of fiction in it. Peter, my husband, is publishing some of his stories under berlioz1935.wordpress.com View all posts by auntyuta

PublishedAugust 24, 2014

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6 thoughts on “My Thoughts on Divorce”

  1. The Emu EditHaving divorced my first two wives Uta, I am not game enough to mention the word with Ana.
    Diana’s divorce was a disgrace to Prince Charles, he lost a lot of credibility then.
    EmuReply
    1. auntyuta EditThanks for commenting, dear Emu. As far as Prince Charles is concerned, yes, he probably lost a lot of credibility in the eyes of a lot of people. I feel for Diana, but I also feel for Charles. They just were not suited to each other for a long term relationship.
      Aunty UtaReply
  2. elizabeth2560 EditYou give a balanced view here on divorce. Are you still affected by your parents divorce even though it was many years ago and they have both passed on?
    Is it hard looking back on old photographs when discussing the family tree and your heritage and family traditions?Reply
    1. auntyuta EditThanks for the questions, dear Elizabeth. The post World War II years were rather difficult for us. The divorce of my parents made everything probably more difficult than it should have been. But I knew both my parents always loved me. I felt I was a bit of a disappointment for my mum. I loved her, but I did not want to be like her. I developed my own character and I am what I am. No regrets.
      I mean my mum was a very capable, good looking woman. For a lot of things I did admire her a lot. That she did not want to have my father around, well, I do not blame her for this, She just had not affectionate feelings for him any more. I accept this and understand this even though I did not feel at all like this myself.Reply
      1. elizabeth2560 EditI think that it is a very big step in one’s own personal development to decide that you do not want to be like your mother. It is a fundamental step of your own character development. You have much integrity and kindness and being true to yourself has been an inspiration to me.
      2. auntyuta EditYou see, Elizabeth, it was not that I did not love my mother. I loved her a lot. But I could not be like her. A much stronger role model for me was for instance my father’s younger sister. Her name was Elisabeth. I called her Tante Lies. I always wanted to be more like her. You are right, being true to myself, I find this very important.
        Thanks, Elizabeth.

Locked out on Good Friday

I locked myself out today. The front door was not even double locked, but none of the neighbours were able to unlock this very simple lock,

Someone said, a simple lock, like this one, one should be able to unlock with a hairpin! 🙂

This is how they show it in the movies! 🙂

After a few phone calls, Joan, my neighbour, found a locksmith who was willing to come. It was not so easy to find someone, since it is Good Friday today, a public holiday!

Soon, Joan gave me a bit of wine to drink. This helped me, to relax a bit! 🙂

When the kind locksmith arrived, I felt happy and also a bit tipsy. I joked to him, the locksmith, about using a hairpin, whereupon he mentioned something about James Bond. In any case, it was quite easy for him to open the door for me. I paid him what he had asked for and told him how grateful I was that he had come to my rescue.

I had had a good lunch at the nearby Bowing Club today. But I did end up with a broken off tooth. The part that is still left from that offending tooth soon caused me a splitting headache.

In the meantime, I was able to have a little nap, and I also relaxed a bit watching some enjoyable TV programs. 🙂

I also took a few pain killing tablets. So, I feel not too bad now. 🙂

Remembering Peter

We knew already well over two years ago, that Peter would not be able to survive his cancer. –

So, more than two years ago, we did know, that the spread of his cancer from the bladder to the bones, could not be prevented!

A major operation on his bladder had not been possible, because he had a very serious heart condition.

As far as I am concerned, I must say it still did come as a kind of a shock to me, when it happened, that all of a sudden I had to completely live on my own!

However, right now, I am really glad, that I can live on my own, and that I am not dependent on anyone in the family to stay with me 24/7! 🙂

Just a few Dates for Uta to remember about her immediate Family.

Saturday, 9th of April, 2022

Yesterday was Martin’s birthday. He turned 62.

We arrived in Port Melbourne as migrants from Germany

with two girls, Gabriele and Monika. Gaby was 21 months old,

and Monika was not even six months old!

Our arrival date in Port Melbourne was the 31st of May 1959.

So our son Martin was born on the 8th of April 1960, that is

a bit over 10 months after we arrived in Australia!

So, when Martin was born in Wollongong Hospital, Peter and I had three kids under

three years of age!

Our fourth child, our daughter Caroline, was also born in Wollongong Hospital

She was born on the 9th of December 1978.

By that time I was already 44 years of age!

Caroline is 43 years now . . . . And I am already 87 and six months!

I am sad, that Peter died of cancer nearly 16 months

ago. When he died he was 85 and 7 months.