To live on Bonus Time

Yes, I definitely feel, that I live on bonus time, not borrowed time, but bonus time!

I do not know of any person in my family, going back a few hundred years, wo did live for as long as I’ve lived already. I am still healthy and strong, even though I have a number of age related handicaps, like very bad vision, hearing problems, breathing problems, problems with arthritis and dizziness and overall balance problems.

Still, I am healthy, and some people seem to think I can live much longer, maybe even reaching the age of 100. I don’t care. for as long as I am allowed to die a natural death. The fact is, that for quite a few years now, I have lived on bonus time!

This reminds me about a dear friend of ours, that my husband talked about often. Lesley came to Australia as a Hungarian migrant. Irene, his bride, lived in Croatia near the Hungarian border. She followed him, and they got married in Australia and had two sons, who are doing well. The couple moved to our complex of ten villas when they were already retired. My husband Peter and I became good friends with them. Meeting Les at the letter-box, Les told Peter one day, that he was living on bonus time. Les was already in his eighties by then, and Peter was a few years younger. Three days later Les was dead. He had a stroke and could not be saved.

I am still good friends with Irene. But sadly Peter died in December of 2020 of some very severe, terminal health problems . . . .

After the Death of a Partner

“Apparently the survival rates of spouses on their own after the death of one a partner are sad reading. Over 66% also pass away within 6 months as well. Loneliness is the main reason.”

gerard oosterman said the above on
December 3, 2019

I survived now nearly 27 months since my spouse died. Somehow, I cannot imagine, surviving another 27 months or more like this.

Today I copied an article about my deceased daughter Gaby and published it:

I often contemplate now, how I seem to face a dilemma that is not unlike that of the one that dear Gaby had to face after David became too sick to do any caring for her. Well, officially, he had been just her carer, not her partner. They had separate bedrooms of course. As a paid for carer he had to be in the house with her at nightime, in case Gaby needed him in an emergency. When David did take a few day’s leave to travel somewhere to have a break, Peter and I, as well as our young daughter Caroline, would stay with Gaby for a few days. We always had a good time with Gaby. It was like a little holiday. But then of course we were always happy, when we could travel home again.

So, there came a time, when David could not do anything for Gaby anymore. So, Gaby had to look for somebody who could replace him. She tried and tried to find somebody. She never gave up. How can a 54 year old very disabled person find a trustworthy live-in partner? Difficult, very, very difficult. This is all I can say. Now, did Gaby want to end up in institutional care? No, never! So, to be honest, isn’t it somehow a blessing that Gaby did die peacefully in her own home just a few weeks before her 55th birthday? – Originally her life expectancy had been 30 years! I think, one can say, she did do extremely well with her life.

So, to compare the last stages of Gaby’s life with my last stages. Aren’t we in a similar boat? Nobody, absolutely nobody, is inclined to share some of his life with me. There is not even one person, who would be willing to share just an evening with me! The only exception is my son Martin, who might spend about a week with me, that is he may visit for about a week maybe three times a year! Well, of course these are very beautiful special weeks for me. But how can these few weeks make me want to live forever when for the rest of the year I have the feeling to go on living is not worthwhile anymore, because, really, there is nobody living close by, who would be able to spend a few hours with me on a more or less regular basis. Yes, one can have hope, hope, hope. The fact is, with rapidly advancing years, there may come a time, when hope just is not enough anymore, and one is only too willing to welcome eternal rest! 🙂

I can’t keep up with the younger people anymore. All my family are much younger than me. A more elderly person, with not too many other attachments, might understand much better, what sort of company I do need, and hopefully could make valuable time for me. I feel, it is really only natural, if my time is running out now. I am only too willing to face up to it. I think, for the rest of my days, I’ll just concentrate more and more on reading, talking, and writing. I am determined to enjoy live as much as possible for as long as I live, but that does not mean, that I want to live much longer, or for ever and ever. When the time is up, it is up.

“Holy Mary, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.”

How much Care do Old People need?

At the moment I feel, I just want to stay by myself for as long as possible. For instance, every Monday I get three and one half hours of home help, that is paid for by the government. This more or less covers all my present caring needs. I am sure, I would be pretty unhappy, if I had to give up nearly all my indepence right now, for I feel, I can be still fairly independent with just a little bit of support.

Most parents do a lot of loving caring for their children. And a lot of children seem to think, they have to undertake full time caring of their very old parents.

But do all parents like to be treated like they were children that need looking after? I certainly have not reached that stage yet, where I would like to be cared for as though I was a four-year-old. For instance, my daughter Monika would not want me to do anything that may perhaps be a bit risky.

But I do not plan to be living totally risk free. Why should my life be absolutely risk free? I would like to have one or two guests in the house, maybe for as long as one year. I would welcome it, if my daughter with her grown-up daughter would like to stay in my house as guests for a year or so.

The question is, how much care do old people need?

I copy here a bit from my previous blog:

If I go to a caring place, where I’ll have only one room to myself, I can take only as much with me, as fits into the one room. I intend to try this out in my own home now, namely I’ll get rid of all the stuff, that I cannot place into this one bedroom of mine. I want to keep this room, the way I like it, and without any interference by anyone!!

I might want to let my family, that is one daughter and one granddaughter, have my other two bedrooms. Of course, rentfree!

The rest of the house is to be for sharing. But all my stuff in the living-room areas and most of my kitchen stuff has to go. I cannot take it with me, can I? So, my family guests are going to bring their own furniture in.

To have one daughter as well as one granddaughter living close to me, am I going to like this? We’ll see. Maybe it’ll become the stepping stone to something else, like moving out and living somewhere else. In 20 months, I am going to be 90 and celebrating my birthday! If am still alive and kicking by then, that is.

As far as writing goes: Why do I write? I think because I have to. It gives me a reason for living!

Uta’s Diary 14th of February 2023

Just now I had two small glasses of red wine.

Today, Valentine’s Day, I had already a cooked meal that lasted for breakfast and for lunch: There were three small beef rissoles, lots of different vegies, and for desert a banana, as well as green tea. and later some coffee.

For my evening meal tonight I cut up 3 slices of sour dough bread, and I sauted these little pieces of bread in some olive oil, and then dipped them in a bit of sugar: Delicious!

Today’s theme in the Bible Study Group was: RESPECT. 

Does respect need to be earned, or can you show some respect to everyone?

I have hearing and vision loss, also immobility because of arthritis as well as breathing problems, even though my lungs are okay!

Do I have to accept that an indepent life may end for me rather suddenly, because sooner or later I need someone to look after me? 

Or, despite all these disabilities, due to old age, can I still continue to live totally on my own, making all my own decisions, and can I so avoid interference from any of my children?

I do not want to have to fight with any of my children. But I do not want them to tell me, how I should live my life, namely that I should avoid any kind of risk taking. And that I should wish to live for as long as possible by accepting any sort of medical intervention just to keep me alive. What sort of quality of life what that be for me? I’d rather want to be dead!

I am grateful for my long life, that I’ve had. Actually, I still enjoy my life for as long as I can continue to make my own decisions, and live a healthy life without any sort of medical intervention to prolong my life.

If my daughter and granddaughter move in with me into my house, I want it to be understood, that at this stage of my life I am still capable of looking after myself. So, I don’t want them to think, they should be looking after me. Yes, I need some help with certain things, but that does not mean, they should tell me what to do and what not to do. They have to leave it up to me, what I decide to do, and refrain from, critisising me, when I do things that they do not approve of because they think I should not put myself into danger.

And when I indicate, I want to do certain things by myself on my own, even if it takes a long time. then they should not insist on doing this particular thing for me, just because I need a lot of time to do it. They should not forbid me to eat certain things, when my decision is, that I can eat whatever I want to eat, the same as when I was all by myself in the house with nobody setting any rules for me.

When my visitors can make some time for chatting sessions, perhaps with a cup of tea, this is of course welcome. Occasionally they might want to invite me for a meal that we can have sitting together at the dinner table. But I would normally try to use the kitchen to cook my own meals, whenever the kitchen is free for me to use. And I’ll aim to have the kitchen cleaned before I leave it for the next person to use.

What does God want me to do?

I copied this May 2, 2012 blog with comments from 2012! The last comment shows, that this pain was caused by arthritis! I still suffer from arthritis quite a lot.

May 2, 2012 

What does God want me to do?

Last Sunday at Mass I was confronted with the above question. As it happened it was a day when I was in quite a bit of physical pain. The pain didn’t start out to be really bad. I would be all right walking to church, so I thought. But far from it. After walking the distance, which took about twenty-five minutes, the pain was getting quite considerable. I arrived at the church at the last minute. But Father was still standing there shaking hands. He shook my hand too.

I happened to find a seat beside Sister Kevin. I greeted her and sat down. I told myself if I could just rest my knee and concentrate on my breathing, the pain would be bearable. I started reflecting on how God probably wanted to tell me something. Maybe God wanted me to make changes to my life as to correspond better with my aging body. What changes to my life should I make? What sort of changes did God actually want me to do?

I was very moved by the beautiful singing in the church. Both Fr Francis Tran and the Seminarian, Mr Stephen Varney, were singing Mass. Both have such beautiful voices! The church choir sang very well too. Stephen was given the homily that morning. He pointed out that for some people the Priesthood can offer a fulfilling way of life. They may think that it might be too hard to stick to being a priest. Even though for most people it is right to get married, you may think about it that it is also often not easy to stick to being husband and wife. It all depends on what God wants you to do, doesn’t it?

Monday has come and gone, so has Tuesday. Today is Wednesday and the pain is still there. I can cope with it as long as I don’t do too much! I cancelled the walks with my neighbour, Irene. I didn’t even go to the pool on Monday or to the Thai Yoga class on Tuesday. Peter could have driven me to the pool. But I declined.

When Peter suggested on Tuesday, the first of May, we could drive to Berry and then further on to Hampden Bridge, I joyfully agreed to this. We had a lovely day out. The weather was perfect for an outing. The good thing was, I didn’t have to walk much. Peter took lots of pictures. I took quite a few pictures too, some of them out of the window from the car.

This leads to Peter’s blog about our outing and another blog about his thoughts to the 1st of May:

At the moment I do not want to think about seeing the doctor or the dentist or the optometrist. Within the next couple of months I ought to see all these people. Just now I only want to rest and get better.

Peter looks over the coast south of Kiama

From there we drove on to Berry where we had some pies for lunch. We also bought some cake at the Milkwood Bakery. This is a newly opened bakery in Queen Street. They are a branch of the Berry Sourdough Cafe in Prince Alfred Street, which is famous for very good breakfasts.

These are some autumn leaves in Berry and the following picture shows a tree with autumn leaves in this particular street in Berry

This is where we turned off from Berry taking the Tourist Drive to Hampden Bridge

We saw some unusual cloud formations on the way. This was one of them.

This is part of the Kangaroo Valley Road

Further along the Tourist Road

A gate to a property along the Road

Nearly there at the Bridge
This sign tells us that there are wombats in the area
And this sign tells us our way back home

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A Copy of a Blog I published in May 2012April 27, 2019In “Copy”

From Sunday to SundayApril 23, 2012In “Diary”

Swimming Pool, Shopping, Church and some more ShoppingJuly 29, 2013In “Diary”

Edit”What does God want me to do?”

Published by auntyuta

Auntie, Sister. Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, Mother and Wife of German Descent I’ve lived in Australia since 1959 together with my husband Peter. We have four children, eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. I started blogging because I wanted to publish some of my childhood memories. I am blogging now also some of my other memories. I like to publish some photos too as well as a little bit of a diary from the present time. Occasionally I publish a story with a bit of fiction in it. Peter, my husband, is publishing some of his stories under View all posts by auntyuta

PublishedMay 2, 2012

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21 thoughts on “What does God want me to do?”

  1. likeitizEditHello, Aunty Uta. Sad to hear you are in pain. Do you have arthritis? Or is this an old injury? I hope it’s been looked at and you are getting the right treatment for it.Reply
    1. auntyutaEditThanks for your concern, dear Mary-Ann. It’s not an old injury. It’s probably old age, don’t you think?Reply
      1. likeitiz EditSome mild discomfort and initial stiffness that gradually alleviates with increased movement is natural in aging but not the pain you described. I would recommend that you have it examined if it recurs or persists. It may be something that’s easily treated. The last thing you want is something that will restrict your mobility. This would be very detrimental to your continued well-being.
  2. auntyuta EditYou’re right, Mary-Ann. What you say makes a lot of sense to me. Actually Peter has to see his doctor for his annual check-up so he can keep his drivers’ license. In the past he liked to see his doctor at the Medical Centre Wednesday nights, when he was on night duty and there wasn’t a very long waiting time. We both tried to see this doctor last night. There were already ten people signed in waiting to see him. This would have meant a waiting time of more than two hours for us. After consultation with the receptionist we decided we would see the doctor early Friday morning, because on Thursday he’s not available. So I hope for the best now, that it can be easily treated.Reply
  3. berlioz1935Edit“What does God wants you to do?”How can an atheist, like me, answer this question? Philosophers, sages and other wise people have thought about this important question for centuries. It is practical the same as asking, “What is the meaning of (my) life?”Let’s assume that your implied assumption is right and there is a God. I think he does not want you to do anything other than to be. His purpose for you falls under the inscrutable. Who knows what God wants you to do? Even bad people have a mission given to them by God. Think of Judas. Without him Jesus could have escaped capture or not? Even Jesus wasn’t sure what was happening when he asked, “Why have you forsaken me?” He of all people should have known that was his purpose.To say your cross is your hurting knee, might be a bit harsh, but it is a reminder that our bodies are subject to decay and sickness; two other aspects of God’s plans for you.And what if we assume there is no God? You have to take responsible action and be happy with what you done. Try to be sure within yourself. Every action is the basis for the next action – cause and effect. Resting in the church was the right thing to do. Seeing a doctor will be the next right thing to do.Reply
    1. auntyuta EditThanks, Berlioz, for this comment. Of course I realise that seeing the doctor is going to be the next right thing to do. It looks I won’t be able to avoid it!Reply
  4. berlioz1935EditHaving the outing with you was the right thing to do. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the clouds in the sky were performing in an artful way.The bakery in Berry is a French bakery and it felt like a trip to the “Provence” in the Autumn.
    The cake was delicious and the bread wholesome.Reply
    1. auntyuta EditThe bit of “Provence” in Berry was indeed very welcome. I loved the whole outing. We are very blessed to live in such a beautiful area.Reply
  5. reflectionsofaprodigalsonEditHi Uta,I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing some pain and I hope that you find some comfort soon.However, it would appear that, in spite of your pain, you still managed to find some enjoyment. Perhaps there is a lesson for us in that ie even in our most difficult moments, we can still find joy in our lives.Get better soon,CarthageReply
    1. auntyuta EditHi Carthage,Oh yes, there’s a lot of enjoyment in life even in old age. Pain just tells me I have to change something. Maybe just slow down a bit more?
      Thank you very much for your good wishes. UtaReply
  6. WordsFallFromMyEyesEditLOVED LOVED LOVED your pictures, and very much envy you! An excellent blog, & very interesting. I am sorry you appear to be n pain & I hope things even out, work out.Sincerely, Noeleen 9859 0132Reply
    1. auntyutaEditThanks, Noeleen.Reply
      1. WordsFallFromMyEyes EditAunty Uta, I meant also to say that I think it’s great you do thai yoga & swimming. I think these things are perfect. I am genuinely sorry about your pain & I just don’t know what you can actually do, because I truly would have thought the swimming would do it. I truly hope you’re better at least today…And the pictures, sigh. Great camera! 
  7. auntyutaEditYou are right, Noeleen, thai yoga and swimming are perfect exercises for me or have been for as long as this arthritic pain didn’t overwhelm me. Yes, I found out now from the doctor that it has to do with arthritis. My knee was xrayed. So now I am on anti-imflammatory tablets.
    The doctor didn’t mention diet. Personally I think I ought to do some changes to my eating habits. Wish me luck with this, Noeleen!
    Thank you so much for thinking of me. I keep thinking about you a lot too!Reply
    1. auntyutaEditBy the way, Noeleen, if you would like to see some more of those pictures we took last Tuesday, please go to Peter’s blog. If you go to the end of my writing (before the pictures start) you’re going to find the link. I think you’ll be interested in browsing through Peter’s blog!Reply
      1. auntyuta EditActually Peter wrote about our excursion to Hampden Bridge in two parts. Both parts have some good photos in it.
    2. WordsFallFromMyEyesEditI do wish you luck, Aunty Uta, all all luck! YOU CAN DO IT!!Reply
      1. auntyuta EditYes, thank you, Noeleen
  8. eof737EditSending you healing light and love… the answers will come. 😉Reply
    1. auntyuta EditThanks for that, Eliz.Reply
  9. auntyuta EditReblogged this on AuntyUta and commented:I just have been reading again this old blog of mine and found it very interesting! And I love all the pictures in it! 
    The links to Peter’s Blogs also are of great interest to me!

COPY from: Berlioz1935’s Blog

Peter ( Berlioz) says:

It is about life, as I experienced it, how I see it and how I imagine it..


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Memories of the Past and towards 2017

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Time it was
And what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence
A time of confidences

Long ago it must be
I have a photograph
Preserve your memories
They’re all that’s left you.

These are the words of the refrain from the beautiful song “Bookends” by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel. A song about two old friends sitting on a park bench – reminiscing.

If you have more time on your hand you can be listening to the full version here.

Last month,  Uta and I had our 60th Wedding anniversary. It was a moment to reflect on our past together.

Just before we got married this photo was taken of us two on the balcony of my mother’s apartment in Berlin. In the meantime, this building has been torn down and a more modern one has taken its place.


 In the picture, my future wife looks rather sceptical at me.  Or is it whimsical? We were innocent at the time. We believed in a better world and eleven years after WW 2 we had all reasons to believe in a bright future. Out of that belief grew our confidence to start a family.

In case you are wondering about the plate on the wall, it has been painted by Anselm  Feuerbach and is of his favourite model, Nanna, in a classical pose. This plate is still in the family and belongs to my son now.


From then to now it was a time of great changes in all our lives. We moved to Australia and raised a family. Of our four children, our eldest daughter passed away nearly five years ago.

2016 was an especially bad year all round. The election of Donald Trump to be the new President of the US makes for interesting times. Interesting, because he seems to be unpredictable. He loves conflict and will have a fight on his hand, among others, with the American secret services. The establishment believes the advice of the services are sacrosanct without considering that they might have their own agenda.

Terrorism is an old game but since 9/11 it has become global, as so many things have since the end of the Cold War. We shake in our shoes as our governments think of more useless schemes to stop this menace. But all those measurements make the would-be terrorists more cranky.

On a personal level, my health is precarious. At least this is what my doctors tell me. Next week I will know more. At my age, anything can crop up in my body. When I was born my life expectancy was just sixty-four years. Fifteen years later I am still here to tell my stories.

A few years ago, I talked about this with one of my neighbours. We called it bonus time and laughed about it. This was on a Friday and the very next Monday his bonus time came to a sudden end. So, you never know.

In case you wonder what happened to the couple in the first photo. We changed into an old couple day by day without noticing it. And now, sixty years later, we look like this.


We have come a long way and I’m happy that last year we were able to visit Berlin, our hometown, once more. If we are lucky, we will be able to see Berlin again in two years time. Our health allowing, of course.

I nearly forgot. For the fifth time, we became great-grandparents. So the family is growing and we hope the politicians are not mucking up the great-grandchildren’s future.

For 2017 I wish all my followers all the best. Most of all stay healthy because without good health life can be a drag.






In Memory Lane20/09/2012In “Diary”

Berlin’s U-Bahn13/01/2013In “Memories”

In Berlin on a Hot Day21/07/2017In “Diary”This entry was posted in DiaryMemoriesUncategorized and tagged BerlinBookendsOur WeddingSimon and Garfunkel by berlioz1935. Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Robert M. Weiss on  said:Thank you, Peter, for reminding me of how special Simon and Garfunkel were.Reply ↓
  2. gerard oosterman on  said:A very fine piece of reflection, Peter. Life can be unpredictable, which I suppose gives it colour. Helvi and I both wish you good health and all the best for the future.Reply ↓
    • berlioz1935on  said:Thank you, Gerard and Helvi. Life is indeed unpredictable and was ever so. When the cave man stepped out of his cave he did not know whether he will bring home a Mammoth leg or he would we dinner for a Sabretooth Tiger. Today life is decided by Twitter. The American elect will run his country and us by announcing his intentions by twitter. How unpredictable is that? My own future is in the balance and I will hear tomorrow from my doctor was is in stall for me.Reply ↓
  3. Munira on  said:Absolutely loved the song….moved me to tears.
    A very happy 2017 to you and Aunty Uta 
    May you never be troubled by ill health and continue being full of life for as long as you live 
    Congratulations on your 60th anniversary…….and the newest addition to your family! And thank you for your good wishes. Reply ↓
    • berlioz1935on  said:Dear Munira, a heartfelt “Thank you” from me and Aunty Uta. It is so good to hear from you. In our uncertain times, one wonders and worries too much. I suppose.We are getting older and every time the body sends out a signal we wonder what could behind this. But we are still okay.Lots of Love and best wishes from the both of us. Reply ↓
  4. Sharmishtha Basu on  said:Reblogged this on The world just the way IT is to Sharmishtha Basu.Reply ↓
  5. Sharmishtha Basu on  said:it looks like she is a little afraid that if you will love her the way she hopes you will! well you did! Reply ↓
  6. Sharmishtha Basu on  said:are you two blessed or what!!!!Reply ↓
    • berlioz1935on  said:I think we are blessed. We are doing m ost things together. If she is only five minutes out of my sight, I fret.

December Diary from 2016


Just another site

December Days with Martin

 auntyuta  DiaryLife in AustraliaOld Age  January 12, 2017 1 Minute

As I said we spent some time with Martin in Melbourne. But Martin also spent some time with us in Dapto. He arrived at our place right on time for our wedding anniversary. Christmas Eve we spent with him and Caroline and Matthew at the place of Monika and Mark.


Monika as well as Roxy with one month old Baby Carter came to see us for afternoon coffee the day of our wedding anniversary. Caroline and Matthew had moved to suitable accommodation in inner Sydney the weekend before, but were back in time for the anniversary.

We were only ten people at our Anniversary Lunch in Wollongong (including Baby Carter).  Some working people in our family were glad when we suggested instead of taking time of work for the anniversary lunch, we could all together have some anniversary celebrations on Christmas Eve.  Monika and Mark were happy to have these celebrations at the back of their house.

Usually the whole family would turn up at our place for Christmas Eve celebrations. This had always been the tradition in our family. In a way I was glad, that we did not have to have it this time at our place. It was the first year that we also did not bother to have a Christmas tree.

This is the sort of health food that Caroline likes to prepare
We did this Berlin Puzzle with Martin

Martin travelled with Peter and me to Melbourne. We left very early in the morning of the 27th of December. Peter drove up Macquarie Pass. (He knows this Pass very well!) After a stop at Moss Vale, Martin took over the driving. It was very good that Martin could take over a lot of the driving to Melbourne, but Peter drove part of the way too.

Matthew bought this Cognac. I quite liked a little bit of it.
I am holding Baby Carter in Wollongong Hospital the day after he was born. He was born on the 21st of November 2016.

A Comment about the Life of Marianne in the reblog of “Our Brunch on a Sunday in August 2018”

3 thoughts on “Our Brunch on a Sunday in August 2018”

  1. auntyuta EditWhen you go to the link below you can see two beautiful cakes that Peter baked for Fathers’ Day 2017:
    It is an almond meal cake and an apple crumble yeast cake! 
  2. auntyuta Edit“Marianne’s Diary” I put on hold for the time being.Reply

  1. auntyuta EditNearly three weeks ago, I put “Marianne’s Diary” on hold. Just now, I reread the whole story. It seems to me, the woman in my story was a bit dilusional! After all, she’s already 81. Why on earth would she want to have a “lover” at her age? A man three years younger than her, does not seem to be the right choice. This 78 year old man, who is used to living on his own, may probably not want to commit himself to a new relationsip. He would think, he is better off staying single, or having any number of partly intimate encounters without any long term commitment. And there are probably enough suitable women around, that would not want a serious commitment either!
    So, what would Marianne end up doing#? Maybe she would become a very loving and sociable nun! As a nun-like, single, very elderly woman she could live out her life remaining free from any commitment to anyone except for being committed to lead a life that God wants her to lead. Now, how about this?Reply

This is already Marianne’s Diary Nr. 4!

How can a single woman have an attractive single man as a close friend in a strictly platonic relationship?

Usually it might be rather unlikely that this kind of relationship remains strictly platonic if it is a rather close relationship where they communicate more or less constantly. All of a sudden, Marianne becomes aware, that, even though Jack really likes her as a friend, he is not at all interested in having an intimate relationship with her. He might sometimes say so, but his actions are more, that he likes the attention of other women.

She realises now, that she has to cut herself loose from Jack. There is no other way. She reckons, she may still have a chance of meeting someone else. Anyhow, she does like the idea to have the freedom to be able to perhaps go out on a date. It has been an awful long time since she has been dating anyone in a romantic way. She thinks back, how exciting it was, when she was dating Gunter, her husband, such a long time ago. On their first date they went to see a movie. And it was a great success!

Actually, she thinks back, that she met Gunter by going out with a girlfriend. You never know, this sort of thing, might still work. Going out with one of her woman friends might perhaps be a chance of meeting an attractive man in her age group! Maybe, there’s going to be a New Year’s Eve party at the Club that they could go to. Well, she thinks, whatever will be, will be. Marianne is determined to make the most of the last years of her life. There might not be many years left anyway. She just hopes, that she stays healthy enough for a bit longer. And for Jack she wishes good health too, and Good Luck!