This is what I published on the 3rd of January 2021

Big Loss

Our Dream Home, is this it?

https://auntyuta.com/2011/11/

All the Sundays after Peter died

Today is the4thSunday after Peter died/On th 8th of November, that is just a few weeks ago, when Peter was still alive and able to visit the local doctor (with Olivia’s help that is), yes on the 8th of November I republished one of the posts from November 2011.

Now, I assume that most of my readers would not like to go to the trouble of looking up all these posts. However, for me it was most interesting to read through all of them again. It helps to give some kind of substance to what I do remember about the past nine years or so. These posts show me, that already nine years ago I could not help myself thinking about what would happen when Peter and I would come into our eighties. Well, Peter made it to 85 without any significant changes in our surroundings. I am 86 already. I must admit I am not at all used to organising some trades people to do any necessary repairs. Peter always did this. He always pointed out to me: “You can do it if you like!” But did he really want me to do it? I don’t think so. Whenever he was supposed to show me something, he soon got impatient and took over, doing whatever needed to be done rather himself. I must admit, I am a rather slow learner and always got scared I would not learn fast enough or forget soon again, how to do certain things. This also went very much so with work on the computer too. Whenever something went wrong on the computer he would take over totally, yes, maybe showing me a few things but without making sure that I had understood it properly. And it was very hard for me to ask for repeat instructions. He would just say: “But I showed you already!” and leave it at that.

In a lot of ways I am now totally dependent on the help of my children. I am extremely lucky to have three capable and loving children. But it is difficult for me to accept that I may have to disrupt their lives too much. I would like to have a certain type of independence where I feel that I am still capable of making my own decisions in every way and where I have not to told by anyone how to live my life!

One of my concerns at the moment is the ever increasing need for an overhaul of my backyard. When I look at that post from 22nd of August 2016 about the loss of three of our big trees, I am astounded how this backyard has changed again over the last four years or so!

Labor’s Approach to China

Morrison has accused Labor of being China’s dupe. Here’s what Penny Wong has to say about Labor’s approach to China

By Stan Grant

Labor and the Coalition may be broadly in agreement about the risks and threats of China and the volatility of geopolitics. But they have very different approaches and they use very different language, writes Stan Grant.

Posted 23h ago23 hours ago / Updated 19h ago19 hours ago

https://www.abc.net.au/news/analysis-and-opinion/

Bank Outages at all big 5 Canadian Banks

On Monday, the world — at least the free thinking, non-authoritarian world — was shocked when Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau, declared dictatorial powers over the people of Canada by invoking wartime powers. He then labelled the peaceful protesters terrorists, claimed they were carrying out an “illegal occupation,” claimed the ability to seize their assets without due process using private banks, and empowered police and military to help him carry out those orders.

To anyone who has ever studied history, they see these moves by the Canadian government as a massive step to transform their parliamentary democracy into a fascist state. Freezing assets and government taking money from citizens over a peaceful protest, is a direct affront to any semblance of a free society.

During another interview on Wednesday night, Canada’s Justice Minister David Lametti told a reporter that anyone who donated money to the Canadian Freedom Convoy, should “be worried” about having their bank accounts frozen.

Days after Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said he would invoke emergency orders to crack down on demonstrators by freezing their bank accounts, five major Canadian banks went offline on Wednesday night, as customers reported their funds were unavailable, according to technology website Bleeping Computer.

There were countless stories of banking customers who experienced trouble accessing their funds yesterday evening. No bank explained the source of the outrage, but essential to note the outage comes, as we said above, days after Trudeau invoked the Emergencies Act.

bu/ac @buperacBANK Outages at all big 5 banks! It’s happening. Trudeau has crushed consumer confidence in the banks in less than 48 hours. Some ATMs are still allowing cash to be pulled out but going empty. The bank has now locked up EVERYONES funds! 🇨🇦 🔔 February 16th 20221,984 Retweets4,509 Likes

[…]

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I found my husband watching porn and now I feel betrayed

The question I walked in on my husband watching porn and now I feel extraordinarily hurt and abandoned.

My grown-up children have left home and I have managed to have a rewarding career. However, having a good relationship always eluded me until I was in my 50s.

I have been married before and I am in my early 60s now. We have been together for a while. I thought we were ecstatically happy and that, at last, I was in a truly fulfilling and equal relationship. I now doubt all this, and have lost respect for my husband. We have tried to talk about it, and he is only sorry that I am upset and doesn’t seem sorry that he used porn. He must know women are often exploited and always objectified in these situations. He says his love for me is as it ever was, and says he’ll stop if I want, but I want him to want not to do it

You’ve discovered that you and your husband have different views about porn – and this may have triggered your teenage trauma

Close view of senior couple having a serious conversation. The focus is on the woman who is talking to the senior man. She looks concerned and worried. On the left, the man is in soft focus and looking away. They are casually dressed. Only head and shoulders are visible.
‘It is important that you have sympathy for each other’s points of view.’ Photograph: John Kirk/Getty Images
Philippa Perry

Philippa PerrySun 30 Jan 2022 17.00 AEDT

508

The question I walked in on my husband watching porn and now I feel extraordinarily hurt and abandoned.

My grown-up children have left home and I have managed to have a rewarding career. However, having a good relationship always eluded me until I was in my 50s.

I have been married before and I am in my early 60s now. We have been together for a while. I thought we were ecstatically happy and that, at last, I was in a truly fulfilling and equal relationship. I now doubt all this, and have lost respect for my husband. We have tried to talk about it, and he is only sorry that I am upset and doesn’t seem sorry that he used porn. He must know women are often exploited and always objectified in these situations. He says his love for me is as it ever was, and says he’ll stop if I want, but I want him to want not to do it.

https://3d09d839eee721b8aa61957788225513.safeframe.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-38/html/container.html

I experienced a serious trauma when I was in my teens and have had bouts of depression since then. I have not been good at choosing the right men to have relationships with, but with years of counselling I managed to turn my life around. I really thought that this time, by being with a kind and interested man I had at last got it right, but now I’m unsure.

I feel betrayed by my husband using porn. It is as though he has been cheating on me.

Philippa’s answer I’m not saying using porn is right or wrong, because me declaring judgment on it won’t change anyone’s behaviour. It is more useful to understand it. And yes, I dislike the objectifying, potentially exploitative side of the porn industry. But I can also understand it’s nice to have a little private pleasure. A bit like having a lovely, satisfying poo that you wouldn’t necessarily tell anyone about.

You mentioned your teenage trauma, so I’m thinking it is still relevant. What trauma can do is shatter previously held beliefs such as: “Most people are good and trustworthy.” After the trauma, you may have developed rigid rules like emergency measures that come with new beliefs such as, “I shouldn’t trust anyone.” I’m wondering whether discovering something new about your husband which is hard for you to understand means you’ve reverted to this type of emergency-mode way of thinking – thinking in very “all or nothing” terms. You’ve gone from “ecstatically happy” to what sounds like panic – that marrying was a mistake, as though your discovery may have reactivated this old trauma and tipped you into an emergency trauma-mode mindset.

https://3d09d839eee721b8aa61957788225513.safeframe.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-38/html/container.html

What you are doing is discovering something new about him. It’s a part of him, it’s not all of him. Some of us tend to assume that sex means the same thing to our partners that it does to us. This is not done consciously but in a sort of take-it-for-granted way, and it is often left unsaid. This is why it can be a great shock when differences are found. You might be feeling excluded because he kept this part of his sexual life a secret. Maybe you find it disgusting and feel contaminated by it. It might be tantamount to him having sex with someone else. But for him, porn is probably nothing to do with his real-life relationship with you, but instead about his relationship with himself.

Beware of seeing the issue in terms of just right and wrong

The thing to remember is that each of you will have formed different attitudes to relationships and to sex and to porn: this might be difficult to explain or talk about because both of you might not have been in the habit of putting non-conscious assumptions about sex or porn into words (perhaps not even to yourselves). But I want to encourage you to keep trying, so that each of you can understand the other. I don’t think you’ll ever be on exactly the same page, but I do think it is important that you both really understand what is on your respective pages and have sympathy for each other’s points of view.

He has probably been watching porn in private moments all the time you have been together, and all the while you loved and trusted him and felt “ecstatically happy”. He may need private time to masturbate, but whether you want this to be kept secret from you is something else to talk about. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy. The former is OK and the latter can feel like betrayal. I hope you can find a way of talking about how you each do privacy, how you need it and how you use it. It might enrich your relationship.

Porn can be destructive when it is addictive, but as he offered to give it up if you wanted him to, it does not sound like he has an addiction to it.

Beware of seeing this issue in terms of just right and wrong, and keep the dialogue open. Porn is what the genitals enjoy in private. This might be very different to who we each are with each other.

You’ve discovered that you and your husband have different views about porn – and this may have triggered your teenage trauma

Close view of senior couple having a serious conversation. The focus is on the woman who is talking to the senior man. She looks concerned and worried. On the left, the man is in soft focus and looking away. They are casually dressed. Only head and shoulders are visible.
‘It is important that you have sympathy for each other’s points of view.’ Photograph: John Kirk/Getty Images
Philippa Perry

Philippa PerrySun 30 Jan 2022 17.00 AEDT

508

The question I walked in on my husband watching porn and now I feel extraordinarily hurt and abandoned.

My grown-up children have left home and I have managed to have a rewarding career. However, having a good relationship always eluded me until I was in my 50s.

I have been married before and I am in my early 60s now. We have been together for a while. I thought we were ecstatically happy and that, at last, I was in a truly fulfilling and equal relationship. I now doubt all this, and have lost respect for my husband. We have tried to talk about it, and he is only sorry that I am upset and doesn’t seem sorry that he used porn. He must know women are often exploited and always objectified in these situations. He says his love for me is as it ever was, and says he’ll stop if I want, but I want him to want not to do it.

https://3d09d839eee721b8aa61957788225513.safeframe.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-38/html/container.html

I experienced a serious trauma when I was in my teens and have had bouts of depression since then. I have not been good at choosing the right men to have relationships with, but with years of counselling I managed to turn my life around. I really thought that this time, by being with a kind and interested man I had at last got it right, but now I’m unsure.

I feel betrayed by my husband using porn. It is as though he has been cheating on me.

Philippa’s answer I’m not saying using porn is right or wrong, because me declaring judgment on it won’t change anyone’s behaviour. It is more useful to understand it. And yes, I dislike the objectifying, potentially exploitative side of the porn industry. But I can also understand it’s nice to have a little private pleasure. A bit like having a lovely, satisfying poo that you wouldn’t necessarily tell anyone about.

You mentioned your teenage trauma, so I’m thinking it is still relevant. What trauma can do is shatter previously held beliefs such as: “Most people are good and trustworthy.” After the trauma, you may have developed rigid rules like emergency measures that come with new beliefs such as, “I shouldn’t trust anyone.” I’m wondering whether discovering something new about your husband which is hard for you to understand means you’ve reverted to this type of emergency-mode way of thinking – thinking in very “all or nothing” terms. You’ve gone from “ecstatically happy” to what sounds like panic – that marrying was a mistake, as though your discovery may have reactivated this old trauma and tipped you into an emergency trauma-mode mindset.

https://3d09d839eee721b8aa61957788225513.safeframe.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-38/html/container.html

What you are doing is discovering something new about him. It’s a part of him, it’s not all of him. Some of us tend to assume that sex means the same thing to our partners that it does to us. This is not done consciously but in a sort of take-it-for-granted way, and it is often left unsaid. This is why it can be a great shock when differences are found. You might be feeling excluded because he kept this part of his sexual life a secret. Maybe you find it disgusting and feel contaminated by it. It might be tantamount to him having sex with someone else. But for him, porn is probably nothing to do with his real-life relationship with you, but instead about his relationship with himself.

Beware of seeing the issue in terms of just right and wrong

The thing to remember is that each of you will have formed different attitudes to relationships and to sex and to porn: this might be difficult to explain or talk about because both of you might not have been in the habit of putting non-conscious assumptions about sex or porn into words (perhaps not even to yourselves). But I want to encourage you to keep trying, so that each of you can understand the other. I don’t think you’ll ever be on exactly the same page, but I do think it is important that you both really understand what is on your respective pages and have sympathy for each other’s points of view.

He has probably been watching porn in private moments all the time you have been together, and all the while you loved and trusted him and felt “ecstatically happy”. He may need private time to masturbate, but whether you want this to be kept secret from you is something else to talk about. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy. The former is OK and the latter can feel like betrayal. I hope you can find a way of talking about how you each do privacy, how you need it and how you use it. It might enrich your relationship.

Porn can be destructive when it is addictive, but as he offered to give it up if you wanted him to, it does not sound like he has an addiction to it.

Beware of seeing this issue in terms of just right and wrong, and keep the dialogue open. Porn is what the genitals enjoy in private. This might be very different to who we each are with each other.

Diary, 24th of October 2021

After looking up the two above posts, I did become a bit teary. I had no idea that there was something like a World Polio Day, but Mecca mentioned it this morning in his Regional ABC Morning Program!

https://www.abc.net.au/radio/programs/australiaallover/

Here are two pictures from 1958 and another two pictures from 1960

auntyutaCopyLife in AustraliaMemories  January 21, 2019 4 Minutes

I could not resist publishing this older blog once more. It certainly does bring back memories!

Peter with Gaby
Peter with Gaby

This pictures was taken in Düsseldorf, Germany, in a park called ‘Hofgarten’, on 17th June 1958. Gaby was not quite nine months yet at the time.

Uta and Peter with Gaby
Uta and Peter with Gaby

This pictures was taken by Uta’s Mum on her balcony in Berlin in August 1958. Gaby was nearly one year old. We were for a visit in Berlin at the time.

Uta with Baby Martin, two months, Monika, eighteen months, and Gaby  thirty-three months.
Uta with Baby Martin, two months, Monika, eighteen months, and Gaby thirty-three months.

This pictures was taken near Fairy Meadow Beach, New South Wales, Australia, in June 1960.

Uta and Peter (25) with all three children
Uta and Peter (25) with all three children

This is where the pioneer family ended up in Oak Flats, NSW, Australia, which was ‘the sticks’ at the time. This picture was taken on the 28th August 1960 which was Gaby’s birthday. We were building a garage at the time. One year later the children were stricken by polio; as it turned out, Gaby very severely.

I wrote the above in January 2013. I was looking for a photo from our Berlin visit in August 1958 and found one in this blog. I was pregnant at the time. In December our daughter Monika was born in Düsseldorf where we had one room in my father’s apartment. We thought being given the opportunity to go to Australia as migrants was the best thing that could have happened to us.

11 Responses to “The “Pioneer Family””

berlioz1935
January 23, 2013 at 4:47 pm Edit #
The beginning in Australia was tough and sometimes we felt like a “pioneer family”.. On the beach picture you can clearly see the Fairy Meadow Hostel were we lived for a while.

REPLY

auntyuta
January 23, 2013 at 5:18 pm Edit #
You’re right, Peter, the beach was only a few steps away from the hostel. I thought it was great to have the beach so close. The picture you refer to was taken in June, in the middle of the Australian winter!

REPLY

Robert M. WeissR
January 25, 2013 at 8:41 am Edit #
Great archival type photos, which reminds me it’s time to straighten up our family photos.

REPLY

auntyuta
January 25, 2013 at 11:12 am Edit #
Thanks for commenting, Robert. I read your profile, which is very interesting. Do you do any writing? You seem to be a very contemplative person. If you’re writing, I’d like to hear more about it.
Cheerio, Uta.

REPLY

backonmyown
January 26, 2013 at 12:00 pm Edit #
I love the old photos. Your family was beautiful. My youngest sister Gerry had polio when she was two years old. Fortunately she had no lingering effects, and recovered completely. I was ten at the time. I remember how scared we all were.

REPLY

auntyuta
January 26, 2013 at 6:01 pm Edit #
Hi, Pam. We always love to look at all our old photos. Gaby was severely effected, She became a quadriplegic and needed an iron lung.
Monika had some lingering effects in one of her legs and Martin recovered completely. It was a very scary time for us when all three children suffered from the disease.

REPLY

backonmyown
January 27, 2013 at 2:44 am Edit #
I can’t even imagine how terrified you and Peter must have been with all three children seriously ill at the same. My middle daughter is a public health lawyer. She has asked me lots of questions about the polio epidemics. I’ll tell her about your family’s story. Thanks for sharing it. Pat

Three Well Beings
January 26, 2013 at 4:56 pm Edit #
I really enjoyed seeing family photos, Uta. From what you’re sharing, the children were very young when they contracted polio. I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been! I do remember when that disease frightened families and changed lives forever!

REPLY

auntyuta
January 26, 2013 at 6:07 pm Edit #
That’s right, Debra, they all contracted polio. Martin was 1, Monika 2 and Gaby was struck down with the disease on her fourth birthday. No vaccinations were available at the time. A bit later oral vaccinations were introduced. I think this stopped the spread of polio in Australia.

REPLY

Three Well Beings
January 26, 2013 at 6:50 pm Edit #
I really can’t imagine, Uta! As a mom, this must have been devastating. They were just babies. I’m a little awed you can even talk about it. oxo

auntyuta
January 26, 2013 at 8:45 pm Edit #
It was a very emotional time for Peter too. All three children were admitted to Wollongong Hospital. Gaby went on to Intensive Care at Prince Henry Hospital in Sydney where she was in a coma. According to the specialist there was not much chance of her surviving. We had gone in the ambulance with her and stayed with her through the night. Early in the morning we went back to Wollongong on the milk-train. That morning after a lot of weeping we went to see Monika and Martin in Wollongong Hospital. Martin Baby soon became the darling of the nurses. He looked so cute. When we saw him he started throwing all the toys out of his cot the nurses had put in there for him. Monika was more sick than Martin and absolutely quiet. A few days later Martin was allowed to go back home. We were overwhelmed when we had him back home. Monika had to stay in hospital a bit longer. Once she was home she was referred to a specialist who treated her leg. Some muscles were weakened because of polio. She had to wear special boots and a splint on her left leg which she hated!

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Related

The “Pioneer Family”January 23, 2013In “Diary”

The “Pioneer Family”April 30, 2015In “Memories”

Australian BeachesAugust 26, 2013In “Diary”

Edit”Here are two pictures from 1958 and another two pictures from 1960″

Published by auntyuta

Auntie, Sister. Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, Mother and Wife of German Descent I’ve lived in Australia since 1959 together with my husband Peter. We have four children, eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. I started blogging because I wanted to publish some of my childhood memories. I am blogging now also some of my other memories. I like to publish some photos too as well as a little bit of a diary from the present time. Occasionally I publish a story with a bit of fiction in it. Peter, my husband, is publishing some of his stories under berlioz1935.wordpress.com View all posts by auntyutaPublishedJanuary 21, 2019

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3 thoughts on “Here are two pictures from 1958 and another two pictures from 1960”

  1. Debra EditI see that I responded to the original post. I was then ‘Three Well Beings.” I love the photos of your sweet family, Uta.Reply
  2. auntyuta EditThanks for commenting again, Debra. I find it very rewarding to look at some of the old photos again and again. Some of these photos just seem to stick to my memory. Time and time again I love to look at them again to strengthen my memory. Gee. was that really our family at the time? And how amazing is it how much time has elapsed since these photos were taken! Reply
  3. doesitevenmatter3 EditYour vintage photos are so special and lovely! I know they bring you smiles. And memories of wonderful and not-so-wonderful. Oh, that is so sad and challenging that all of your beautiful, precious babies got polio.  I can’t imagine how difficult that was for you as their mama. I have an older friend who had polio as a child. From then on, he always had struggles with his legs and walked with difficulty.(((HUGS)))

Diary

I have just been reading this blog:

Memento Mori – The reason I started this page

I wanted to reblog it, but unfortunately this did not work. This is what it said:

ZANFERS.COM ISN’T WORKING! OH NO!

Zanfers” is not available at the domain zanfers.com right now. There’s a problem with the mapping for this domain. If you are the site owner, please log into your WordPress.com account for more information.”

Here is some of what “Zanfers” says in his blog:

“. . . . For example I am an avid gamer. Coming home from work, playing a few hours before sleep was my way of relaxing and I saw nothing wrong with it. Same with binging YouTube or some series. But then again, when it becomes your only way of entertainment or activity, you start to see its flaws. I realized that it lacks any productivity. This was obvious to many even before, but apparently I was one of the slow learners and I needed this pandemic to make me wonder if I am doing the right thing for myself and for the people around me. I started to wonder, if I vanish tomorrow, what will remain after me? What will be my legacy? As for now, it would be nothing but some Facebook messages and my games library. Which was a pretty depressing thought. . . .”

I just reblogged another post WRITTEN BY TENPORATH on how the Coronavirus may have affected us. The title of that post: ‘LESSON LEARNED.’