Friday, 8th January 2021: A Bit about how I feel today

Peter died on Saturday, the 12th of December 2020. The funeral was on Saturday, the 19th of December.

In my blog from 27th of December it says what I did on Sunday, the 13th and Sunday, the 20th of December. And that on Sunday, the 27th, I was happy, that I could stay at home after having neglected to ring Erica to ask her whether she could give me a lift to church. Now, nearly two weeks later, I feel, I am still not ready for regular attendance at Mass. Believe it or not, I am still happy to just stay at home!

On Fridays is games afternoon at one of my friends’ places. I know, this afternoon these  games are going to be played at Irene’s place that is a few doors away from where I live. The games last for about three hours with a tea/coffee break in between. Last Friday the games were at Barbara’s place, that is also very close to my place. Because the games are being played indoors, I felt I needed to wear a mask. Barbara knew, that I wanted to come to her place on that afternoon. But I had rushed too much again and was a bit late. The others were waiting for me already: Erica, Irene, and Barbara. They pointed out to me, that they thought, it was not necessary to wear a mask. But I decided to keep my mask on, which was rather difficult for I felt too hot after having rushed so much to get ready on time!

Anyhow, I told myself, if I would go the following week to Irene’s place, I would make sure,  that I would be ready and relaxed well before two o’clock. So, games at Irene’s place, that is today. Will I be able to make it? Honestly, I do not know yet. I feel, I do need plenty of rest today after having had an exhausting day yesterday. Will I be able to leave everything as is in the house and in the overgrown ‘garden’? Yes, maybe. But at least I have to cook myself a proper meal. Do I need to clean up the kitchen after this? Maybe not. Maybe I can just leave it as it is and concentrate on getting ready. It would be so much easier if I hadn’t have to go out at all. But I love to play the games with my friends!

I slept in this morning. I am still not dressed. I had a bit of a sniffle. Am I coming down with something? Or do I just need a bit of a rest after having done hours of weeding in the backyard yesterday and then having been out for hours with Monika and little Eve —-

There are still so many things to sort out in the house. For sure, I can take it one day at a time. Tomorrow, Saturday, Caroline and Monika are going to be here to clean out a few things. Most things they can sort out without me. So what am I worried about? I thought it would be nice, if I could attempt at least to look after the few things that I want to keep for myself. Anyhow, I hope, tomorrow I am to have a little bit more energy again.

This a copy of my Post from Sunday, the 27th of December 2020:

One day after Peter died was a Sunday. I asked Martin, could he drive me to church. And of course he volunteered to do this. I made it to the early Mass at 7,30 am. I did light a candle for Peter after Mass. Then, Erica came to talk to me. She knew that Peter had died and said, she was sorry. She remarked, she was happy that I came back to church. And she asked me, did I have a lift home? I answered, Martin, my son would pick me up again. It so happened, that Caroline and Matthew had gone out to the shopping centre to get fresh breadrolls and eggs for breakfast. They picked me up from church at exactly the right time on their way back home.

The following week on Sunday Martin drove me once more to the 7,30 am Mass. So, I could light another candle for Peter. On that Sunday I did not see Erica. It was the Suday when Martin went with his dog Millie back to his place in Benalla, Victoria. He left soon after breakfast and arrived home soon after 4pm. The border was closed the following day. Martin was lucky, that he had made it home without having to go into quarantine!

Now, today, is the third Sunday after Peter died. I was supposed to ring Erica and ask her, could she give me a lift to church! But somehow I did not feel like ringing. And I am glad I didn’t! I had such a lovely morning here at home, enjoying beautiful sunshine and doing a bit of gardening. Thinking of lighting a candle for Peter, I am going to do this right now, here at home!

Daughter Caroline and son-in-law Matthew went back to. their place in Marrickville. But they did stay with me for quite a while. I wanted to visit Martin in Benalla. But this is not possible for as long as the border is closed. Daughter Monika lives not far away and can help me out when needed. But for the next week or so she is on a holiday at the NSW Southcoast with her children and grandchildren. In the New Year Caroline and Matthew are going to help me with the settling of a few things. And so it goes . . . . .

AuntyUta

One day after Peter died was a Sunday. I asked Martin, could he drive me to church. And of course he volunteered to do this. I made it to the early Mass at 7,30 am. I did light a candle for Peter after Mass. Then, Erica came to talk to me. She knew that Peter had died and said, she was sorry. She remarked, she was happy that I came back to church. And she asked me, did I have a lift home? I answered, Martin, my son would pick me up again. It so happened, that Caroline and Matthew had gone out to the shopping centre to get fresh breadrolls and eggs for breakfast. They picked me up from church at exactly the right time on their way back home.

The following week on Sunday Martin drove me once more to the 7,30 am Mass. So, I could light…

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Life at a Standstill

I have two daughters. Both of them are still in full time employment. They do depend on these jobs. During the past few months, while Peter had terminal cancer, they sacrificed already a lot as far as their jobs is concerned., because they were constantly helping out in looking after Peter, so that he could stay at home during the final stages of his bone cancer. They admit they would like to be able to catch up on their work now. Over the Christmas period they had some respite, which I felt they very much needed. Because of the Coronavirus both can work mostly from home. But when there are too many distractions, working from home is not always possible.

I know, that Peter on his deathbed kept worrying about the jobs of his daughters. He kept saying they should not neglect their work because of him. They kept assuring him, that it was alright. Their employment was such, that they could always get compassionate leave when it was needed. And I reckon this says a lot about employment conditions in Australia, well at least for those people that are lucky enough to be in full time employment!

Now to my son, who is already retired and lives on his own in regional Victoria. Even though his father had not much time to live and needed constant care, and even though a most senior Oncologist attested to this, and even though people were always told in special circumstances the border could be crossed on compassionate grounds, Martin, the son, still was not able to get a permit withiout going on a 14 day quarentine first. This stressed out Martin no end, for he did not know how many days his father would have to live! Peter could have died any day, really. Nobody could forecast how many days he would have to live. We were just told that it was unlikely that he’d still be alive by Christmas.

Miraculously, on the 23rd of November the border between NSW and Victoria was opened! Martin could finally rush to his father’s deathbed. And he could bring his dog along in his car. Millie, the dog, was loved by all in the family. She was no bother at all, for Martin took excellent care of her. He treated her really like his baby! He also helped tremendously by sharing in the care of his more and more disabled father.

Millie, the dog, was great therapy for everyone, especially for Peter. On the 12th of December Peter took his final breath. And one day after the funeral, that is on Sunday, the 20th of December. Martin had to rush back to Victoria. He arrived with Millie at his place in Benalla just before the border was closed again! Originally I had planned to go along with Martin to Benalla and stay there for a few weeks. However, at the same time it had been decided to have the family over to my place here in Dapto for our usual Christmas Eve celebrations. Martin having to rush off so suddenly did bring me sort of out of balance. I thought I could not go with him because of our Christmas Eve celebrations. But maybe I should have given the celebrations a miss and gone off with Martin – Who knows?

Martin hopes, the border can be opened again soon. He says he is already preparing my room, that is I am always welcome to have his spare bedroom and to stay with him for as long as I like. At the moment he feels kind of useless, because he cannot do anything for me.

I must say, these border closures are of course necessary because of the Coronavirus. Trying to keep the virus in check. for sure is very important. This brings a lot of peoples’ lives on hold! These closures turned out to be frustrating, especially for Martin. And I must say, for me too. So, sooner or later I have to get over it. It just takes some time. Overall we have been lucky. We must be grateful for the timing, I mean Peter was able to die in peace surrounded by all his loved ones! This is really something, when so many people are immensely distressed because they cannot see their dying loved ones because of the virus.

Is it only a bit over two weeks since Martin had to rush back to Benalla? I guess in about a week for most people the holiday time will be over. So from next week on we might be able to organise some of the planned renovations. I trust Caroline and son-in-law Matthew to do this for me. The question is, will I be able to escape to some other place, while the painters start working here? And then comes the laying out of a new floor! I reckon, it would be nice, if I did not have to be here, when all this is going on.  

hen Australians want to go on holidays right now, they have to book holidays in the state they live in. The hospitality business suffers a lot because of this. Bookings in other states that had already been made, had to be cancelled! The borders are only going to be opened again, when for instance the clusters of Corona cases in Sydney and Melbourne are adequately handled, and when there aren’t any new cases for a while. Fortunately the tracking system works here pretty well. As soon as they find out that there is the possibility that you came into contact with someone who became a known case, they urge you to get tested. Thousands and thousands of people get tested every day to find out the people who might be carrying the virus. The bad thing is, that virus carriers, who do not show any symptoms, can still infect a lot of other people!

Short Story Writing and a bit of Musing

I found this post in my ‘memories’ section. Maybe this is an opportune time to reblog this post!

AuntyUta

In the past I stuck mainly to journal or diary writing, or I tried to come to grips with some of my childhood memories. Only occasionally did I resort to fiction writing in the form of a short story. As far as my reading tastes are concerned I must say, in my younger days I always preferred reading novels: Only occasionally would I read a short story.

These days the time I spend  reading novels seems to be getting less and less, even though I still like novels a lot. Today for instance I spent half an hour reading a short story. It turned out I did very much love this story. It was a story I had been reading many years ago and I could still remember the subject of this story since this is a subject that interests me very much: What happens to a mother when she…

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Uta’s Diary

https://auntyuta.com/2016/08/22/big-loss/

https://auntyuta.com/2020/11/08/__trashed/

https://auntyuta.com/2011/11/

https://auntyuta.com/2020/12/27/after-peter-died-the-third-sunday/

Today is the4thSunday after Peter died/On th 8th of November, that is just a few weeks ago, when Peter was still alive and able to visit the local doctor (with Olivia’s help that is), yes on the 8th of November I republished one of the posts from November 2011.

Now, I assume that most of my readers would not like to go to the trouble of looking up all these posts. However, for me it was most interesting to read through all of them again. It helps to give some kind of substance to what I do remember about the past nine years or so. These posts show me, that already nine years ago I could not help myself thinking about what would happen when Peter and I would come into our eighties. Well, Peter made it to 85 without any significant changes in our surroundings. I am 86 already. I must admit I am not at all used to organising some trades people to do any necessary repairs. Peter always did this. He always pointed out to me: “You can do it if you like!” But did he really want me to do it? I don’t think so. Whenever he was supposed to show me something, he soon got impatient and took over, doing whatever needed to be done rather himself. I must admit, I am a rather slow learner and always got scared I would not learn fast enough or forget soon again, how to do certain things. This also went very much so with work on the computer too. Whenever something went wrong on the computer he would take over totally, yes, maybe showing me a few things but without making sure that I had understood it properly. And it was very hard for me to ask for repeat instructions. He would just say: “But I showed you already!” and leave it at that.

In a lot of ways I am now totally dependent on the help of my children. I am extremely lucky to have three capable and loving children. But it is difficult for me to accept that I may have to disrupt their lives too much. I would like to have a certain type of independence where I feel that I am still capable of making my own decisions in every way and where I have not to told by anyone how to live my life!

One of my concerns at the moment is the ever increasing need for an overhaul of my backyard. When I look at that post from 22nd of August 2016 about the loss of three of our big trees, I am astounded how this backyard has changed again over the last four years or so!

Memories

Last Day of the Year 2012

auntyutaDiaryLife in AustraliaMemories 

I did a bit of copying from my post from January 2013:

https://auntyuta.com/2013/01/22/2464/

I  want to document what Peter and I did on the last day of 2012! Our day started with a trip to Bondi Junction, where we met our daughter. We had a cup of coffee with Caroline (sorry no photo). Then Caroline had to go shopping. We strolled back to the station. This time to a different entrance of the station, one that we weren’t familiar with yet. A beautiful large rest asrea opened up in front of us. Lots of different food and drinks were on offer at different outlets. In the middle of the plaza some delicious looking (homemade) ice-cream caught our eye. Peter and I each had a cup full of this very refreshing treat. It wasn’t expensive but tasted wonderful. There were plenty of seats everywhere to have a rest. We took the lift down to the platform. Only a few minutes and our train departed. We got off at Town Hall Station and went to the Queen Victoria Building where we had a beautiful lunch.   

Later on we looked at the displays of some cake-shops. We were hoping we would find some Berliners. It is our tradition to eat Berliners on New Year’s Eve. We had no luck. We couldn’t find any.  We went back to Town Hall Station to catch our train to Dapto.  While we were waiting for the train we took some photos. The trip to Dapto took nearly two hours. Some shops in Dapto Shopping Center were already about to close when we arrived there. We knew we had a bottle of Bubbly at home in the fridge for our end of year celebrations. But we were still without any Berliners. I felt a bit tired and was sitting down for a while. In the meantime Peter rushed into another shop that was still open. Surprise, surprise, he came out with some delicious looking Berliners in the form of stars! He got them at half price for they were the last ones that were left! At home we watched “Dinner for One”, which is a tradition with us to watch on New Year’s Eve. It is a sketch about Miss Sophie’s 90th Birthday. Very, very funny! We’ve seen it so often and every time we laugh our heads off again. Peter tried out to take a few pictures from the TV showing Sydney Harbour. At midnight he took also some pictures of the fireworks. Soon after we went to bed. But of course we did have our Bubbly and did eat the heated up little stars with it. They tasted delicious, just as good as the balls, called Berliners, do taste. Of course we did get messages and phone calls from our children before we went to bed. All were wishing us a HAPPY NEW YEAR.

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Inside Queen Victoria Building
Inside Queen Victoria Building
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Sorry,

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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My first Pictures in 2014:

https://auntyuta.com/2014/01/01/my-first-pictures-in-2014/

There are quite a few pictures in that post from the 1st of January 2014. And this is what I wrote:

At about half past eight in the morning of today’s New Year’s Day we drove down to Lake ILLAWARRA at Kanahooka and went there
for a leisurely walk. It was a fairly warm and calm morning, meaning there was no breeze.  However,  the sky was quite overcast.  And the cicadas were very, very noisy! Lots of walkers and runners greeted  us on our walk. They all had had the same idea we had that it would be good to start the New Year with an early morning outing.

Peter reminded me that we should be back home before 10 o’clock to watch the live special German News of the Deutsche Welle. 10 o’clock our time was midnight over in Berlin where Fireworks Celebration at the Brandenburg Gate were to be shown. We made it in time for the big show. Ten hours earlier of course we had been watching on TV the huge Sydney Fireworks. At that time we had welcomed the New Year with some sparkling wine. Between the two of us we had half a bottle of that sparkly. That meant we had half a bottle left. It was not difficult to empty that left over half bottle at 10 o’clock in the morning! Peter’s sister Ilse, who lives in Berlin, soon did welcome the New Year by doing some skyping with us. Isn’t the technique marvellous for occasions like this? 

🙂

Pot-Pourri –

Pot-Pourri (Banda Cover versão completa) – Rivers of Babylon – Sugar Sugar – More Than I Can Say – Forever and Ever – Mississippi – Guantanamera – Kiss Me, Honey Honey, Kiss Me – Jeany Ich Brauch’ Dich

Handel’s MESSIAH

auntyutaDiary  December 4, 2011 1 Minute

Yesterday,  Handel’s MESSIAH was performed in the Wollongong Town Hall.  We went there with Caroline and Matthew. The Soprano was Siobhan Patrick, Caroline’s friend, who has been performing professionally for 20 years.

Peter is not religious. But he loves music like this. The text to the music is taken from the bible. It starts with:

THE PEOPLE OF GOD AWAIT THE COMING OF THE MESSIAH, THE REDEEMER IS BORN, CHRIST BEGINS HIS MINISTRY

In Part 2 comes:

CHRIST SUFFERS FOR HIS PEOPLE

I felt weepy when they sang:

He was despised (Alto) . . . .

All that see him laugh him to scorn (Tenor)

Later on:

THE GOSPEL IS PREACHED,  DISCORD ENSUES,  BUT THE LORD GOD REIGNS OVER ALL

The Soprano sang in a very lovely voice: How beautiful are the feet of those . . . .

Then the Bass: Why do the nations so furiously rage together?

And after that the Hallelujah Chorus

Part 3  . . . . THE FAITHFUL SING PRAISE TO THE REDEEMER

I know that my redeemer liveth – Soprano

Since by man came death – Chorus

Behold, I tell you a mystery – Bass

The trumpet shall sound – Bass

Then shall be brought to pass – Alto

O death, where is thy sting? – Alto and Tenor

If God be for us – Soprano

Worthy is the Lamb that was slain. Amen – Chorus

It was a truely memorable performance!