Auntie, Sister. Grandmother, Great-Grandmother,
Mother and Wife of German Descent
I've lived in Australia since 1959 together with my husband Peter. We have four children, eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. I started blogging because I wanted to publish some of my childhood memories. I am blogging now also some of my other memories. I like to publish some photos too as well as a little bit of a diary from the present time. Occasionally I publish a story with a bit of fiction in it. Peter, my husband, is publishing some of his stories under berlioz1935.wordpress.com
Yes, I definitely feel, that I live on bonus time, not borrowed time, but bonus time!
I do not know of any person in my family, going back a few hundred years, wo did live for as long as I’ve lived already. I am still healthy and strong, even though I have a number of age related handicaps, like very bad vision, hearing problems, breathing problems, problems with arthritis and dizziness and overall balance problems.
Still, I am healthy, and some people seem to think I can live much longer, maybe even reaching the age of 100. I don’t care. for as long as I am allowed to die a natural death. The fact is, that for quite a few years now, I have lived on bonus time!
This reminds me about a dear friend of ours, that my husband talked about often. Lesley came to Australia as a Hungarian migrant. Irene, his bride, lived in Croatia near the Hungarian border. She followed him, and they got married in Australia and had two sons, who are doing well. The couple moved to our complex of ten villas when they were already retired. My husband Peter and I became good friends with them. Meeting Les at the letter-box, Les told Peter one day, that he was living on bonus time. Les was already in his eighties by then, and Peter was a few years younger. Three days later Les was dead. He had a stroke and could not be saved.
I am still good friends with Irene. But sadly Peter died in December of 2020 of some very severe, terminal health problems . . . .
I survived now nearly 27 months since my spouse died. Somehow, I cannot imagine, surviving another 27 months or more like this.
Today I copied an article about my deceased daughter Gaby and published it:
I often contemplate now, how I seem to face a dilemma that is not unlike that of the one that dear Gaby had to face after David became too sick to do any caring for her. Well, officially, he had been just her carer, not her partner. They had separate bedrooms of course. As a paid for carer he had to be in the house with her at nightime, in case Gaby needed him in an emergency. When David did take a few day’s leave to travel somewhere to have a break, Peter and I, as well as our young daughter Caroline, would stay with Gaby for a few days. We always had a good time with Gaby. It was like a little holiday. But then of course we were always happy, when we could travel home again.
So, there came a time, when David could not do anything for Gaby anymore. So, Gaby had to look for somebody who could replace him. She tried and tried to find somebody. She never gave up. How can a 54 year old very disabled person find a trustworthy live-in partner? Difficult, very, very difficult. This is all I can say. Now, did Gaby want to end up in institutional care? No, never! So, to be honest, isn’t it somehow a blessing that Gaby did die peacefully in her own home just a few weeks before her 55th birthday? – Originally her life expectancy had been 30 years! I think, one can say, she did do extremely well with her life.
So, to compare the last stages of Gaby’s life with my last stages. Aren’t we in a similar boat? Nobody, absolutely nobody, is inclined to share some of his life with me. There is not even one person, who would be willing to share just an evening with me! The only exception is my son Martin, who might spend about a week with me, that is he may visit for about a week maybe three times a year! Well, of course these are very beautiful special weeks for me. But how can these few weeks make me want to live forever when for the rest of the year I have the feeling to go on living is not worthwhile anymore, because, really, there is nobody living close by, who would be able to spend a few hours with me on a more or less regular basis. Yes, one can have hope, hope, hope. The fact is, with rapidly advancing years, there may come a time, when hope just is not enough anymore, and one is only too willing to welcome eternal rest! 🙂
I can’t keep up with the younger people anymore. All my family are much younger than me. A more elderly person, with not too many other attachments, might understand much better, what sort of company I do need, and hopefully could make valuable time for me. I feel, it is really only natural, if my time is running out now. I am only too willing to face up to it. I think, for the rest of my days, I’ll just concentrate more and more on reading, talking, and writing. I am determined to enjoy live as much as possible for as long as I live, but that does not mean, that I want to live much longer, or for ever and ever. When the time is up, it is up.
“Holy Mary, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.”
4. What goals did you accomplish in 2019 that you’re proud of? How will your achievement continue to benefit you or others in the future?
I am elderly, this is why I walk with the help of a walking stick. In the morning, after a bit of stretching, I manage quite regularly to go out for a little walk. Peter, my husband, does the same. He can still walk twice as fast. So he walks ahead. He walksa bit further than I do. I usally walk to a section of some trees that I love. Near these trees I often wait for Peter and he meets me then on his return from his walk. We talk for a few moments. Then he walks on along the footpath back home, while I walk back home along a grassy area. I love to walk along there in the early morning sun…
It is all so quickly over. It seemed like yesterday watching mum soaking the split peas over the (single) granite sink back in the forties. Yet, thinking of the timespan between dinosaur and IPad, a couple of mere Nano- seconds later in our universe’s evolution, it is almost over. Well, give another ten years, or more, or less.
I was hardly over my Vitrectomy getting used to endless eye drops when I reached a new stage in my own evolution. I fell over. This is a new stage I seem to have arrived at.
One of the things in growing more mature is that sleep will become more evasive. I used the word ‘more mature’ for others and not in my case. I have reversed in most of my tepid evolutionary efforts and am surprised I can still walk the talk.
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