She is my Friend

26 Aug

I am referring here to my ex-sister-in-law. I say “ex” since her marriage to one of my brothers ended in divorce. The word ‘divorce’ did come up a lot in my last two blogs already as you may have noticed.

I am happy to state that Klaudia, my ex-sister-in-law, is my friend. Never mind that she is not married to my brother any more. Klaudia is a beautiful, outgoing, fun loving person with a soft heart in a brusque exterior. My brother Peter Uwe always respected her, I think. Not so my mother. It seemed to me, there was a bit of friction between my mother and Klaudia.

When Peter Uwe met ‘the other woman’, he had been married to Klaudia for a number of years and their daughter was already an adult. The other woman was Astrid. Astrid left her husband to be with Peter. Her two well brought up sons were totally accepted by Peter Uwe. Astrid and her ex shared the boys. As far as I can tell, there was no friction. Astrid’s ex seemed to totally accept Astrid’s new relationship. And the boys were quite happy with all the arrangements.

With Klaudia, this was a different matter. Klaudia kept contact with the family. When Peter and I, as well as our daughter Caroline, were visiting in 1994. She often came over to see us. It was all right if Peter Uwe was there, especially when their grown up daughter Corinna was present too. In the beginning my dementia suffering mother was mostly part of our family group too. Klaudia did not like Astrid being around. It so happened that on weekdays Astrid was not always present. Her employment kept her away. But even when Astrid was around, Klaudia would try to make “eine gute Miene zum bösen Spiel”, meaning she tried to hide her resentment.

I want to get to it now how our own children fared. Daughter Monika separated from her husband when the twins were still quite young. A few years later she got a divorce from Ron, her husband. Many years later it turned out that Ron’s second wife did not like it, that Monika, still carried her ex-husband’s name. In the end Monika gave in and thought it was better for her to go back to her maiden name. She did not mind to become a Hannemann again. Daughter Gaby never married. Daughter Caroline has had a partner for a number of years who happens to be divorced with two children. Having never married Caroline still is a Hannemann. And son Martin is another Hannemann. Two of Martin’s children carry also the Hannemann name.

Monika’s twin sons carry the name of their father and Monika’s three girls carry also their father’s name which is Adami. The girls grandmother, Frieda Adami, died last week. We all went to her funeral yesterday. Friedel has had a very tough life. We used to know her well. She was always a very friendly woman. She had three sons. Only two were at the funeral yesterday. Her husband had been severely injured as a passenger in a horrific car accident. He lived for 25 years as an invalid at home with Frieda looking after him. The sons were still kids when the accident happened.

Martin married Elizabeth. They have had a difficult separation for many years. During the time of separation Martin had a lovely daughter with a single woman. Lauren, the daughter, is sixteen now. Martin always stayed friends with Lauren’s mother and cared for Lauren in any way he could.

Monika is a devoted mother and now grandmother. She has no more contact with the girls’ father. Monika, her daughters, as well as Mark and his daughter all live together in Mark’s house. We like Mark very much.

The heading of this post is that Klaudia is my friend. I am very happy to call her my friend. And she is a very good friend of Peter’s too.

By the way, my other brother, Bodo, never married. Once he nearly married a woman who had already two children. I think my mother had objections to him marrying this woman. Bodo ended up with huge problems. Alcohol became his downfall. Both my brothers had been teachers. Peter Uwe is in his seventies now and long retired. He and Astrid own a bit of property north of Berlin renting out four very nice units in a secluded little village. Bodo had to retire quite early, but still gets a good pension. His life as an alcoholic took many bad turns. He is well into his seventies now. Some time ago he had the good fortune to be accepted in a home where he is well looked after. He is not allowed to look after his own money any more and gets only a small amount of pocket money each day which he spends on liquor and cigarettes.

4 Responses to “She is my Friend”

  1. rangewriter August 26, 2014 at 12:59 pm #

    Quite a family tree. I’m a bit dizzy now! Relationships are tough, and we will grow into who we will be. Those who try to blame their parent’s problems for their own problems have just not done their homework.

    • auntyuta August 26, 2014 at 5:34 pm #

      Hi Linda! Thank you so much for trying to work your way through my ‘family tree’. I do not expect everything to be of general interest. I imagine some of my descendants may perhaps be interested in this or that if they have a chance to have a look at these ‘memories’ about family members. To me it would be fascinating to find out where I come from. About some ancestors I know a little bit. You are right, it is no use to blame anyone for any of our lives’ problems. We all have some problems from time to time. The important thing is how we cope with these. Overall I am quite happy with my life the way it turned out to be. 🙂

  2. natswans August 28, 2014 at 1:26 am #

    Interesting post Uta , never thought of looking through my Family Tree . Worried what I might find out ha!
    Your life is good with Peter and blessed.
    Hugs Sheila x

    • auntyuta August 28, 2014 at 7:30 am #

      Interesting comment, Sheila. Myself, I would really like to find out a bit more. I can think of a lot of things I should have asked older family members but never did ask. Once they are dead that’s it. A lot of the things I had been told, I may have forgotten, for I hardly ever did write anything down when I was younger. Now I wished I had made more of an effort . Come to think of it, I kept a lot of letters over the years. They might contain a few things that I don’t remember so well any more. To go through all these letters would be an enormous task! 🙂 I don’t think I have all that much time left to look through them. So I should really do it soon.
      I find in old age everything slows down quite a bit. This is why it is important to make the best use of available time. I hope you are well, dear Sheila,
      Hugs back, Uta xx

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