I think, I am more or less past my ‘use by’ date. I still have a little bit of independence, but not much. If I lose all my independence, why should I want to go on living?
I said, I still have a little bit of independence. This is true, even though the vulnerabilities are many: Very poor eye-sight, bad communication when there is too much background noise, being hardly able to walk, difficulty in remembering new words, breathing difficulties, needing frequent rests, not being able to use public transport and the list goes on . . .
So far I can still shower myself (with difficulty!), I can dress myself (slowly!), I can cook for myself, I can do the dishes, I can do a little bit of cleaning and gardening, I can walk with my walker, I can do shopping with a shopping trolley . . . If I can’t do all this anymore, why should I want to be kept alive? I don’t see the point, for I have already had a very long and mostly happy life. I think, when my body has had enough, I should be allowed to depart.
I don’t believe in euthanasia. So, how do I know when my body has had enough? Well, I guess, it is just when I stop breathing even though there is enough good air around. It is then probably like going to sleep and not waking up anymore. For as long as I can still wake up alright, I am grateful for my life and willing to try to make the most of it. But please, don’t wake me up, when I stop breathing under normal circumstances! You have to let me go then!