If I stop breathing, please don’t make me start breathing again!

I think, I am more or less past my ‘use by’ date. I still have a little bit of independence, but not much. If I lose all my independence, why should I want to go on living?

I said, I still have a little bit of independence. This is true, even though the vulnerabilities are many: Very poor eye-sight, bad communication when there is too much background noise, being hardly able to walk, difficulty in remembering new words, breathing difficulties, needing frequent rests, not being able to use public transport and the list goes on . . .

So far I can still shower myself (with difficulty!), I can dress myself (slowly!), I can cook for myself, I can do the dishes, I can do a little bit of cleaning and gardening, I can walk with my walker, I can do shopping with a shopping trolley . . . If I can’t do all this anymore, why should I want to be kept alive? I don’t see the point, for I have already had a very long and mostly happy life. I think, when my body has had enough, I should be allowed to depart.

I don’t believe in euthanasia. So, how do I know when my body has had enough? Well, I guess, it is just when I stop breathing even though there is enough good air around. It is then probably like going to sleep and not waking up anymore. For as long as I can still wake up alright, I am grateful for my life and willing to try to make the most of it. But please, don’t wake me up, when I stop breathing under normal circumstances! You have to let me go then!

8 thoughts on “If I stop breathing, please don’t make me start breathing again!

  1. Yes, Uta. We will all be lucky to get out alive. It is best to remain busy and not stop breathing. I try and walk 5KM a day and wait to see how long I can keep going. I am out of here if I become totally dependent on others. So far so good and am happy.

    1. Thanks, Catt. ๐Ÿ™‚ I say, a bit of pain here and there is manageable. Most of the time I still feel contented and tell myself, things could be worse. When I am out and about, there are always total strangers willing to give a helping hand when they think I might need it. It is really very gratifying to experience such kindness from people. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. My mother made that decision when a nice hospice nurse offered her the choice of going back on a ventilator (she was in beginning respiratory failure) or going to hospice and “being made comfortable.” I suspect the decision isn’t quite so easy for everyone.

  3. I think you are right, Stuart, the decision isnโ€™t quite so easy for everyone. And why this is so in our time, well, I think it would be worth pondering about this for a while! ๐Ÿ™‚

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