I do not want to get vaccinated in the very near future. Now, you may disagree with me, but I want you to tell me why you disagree with me. Before you tell me that it is urgent that I do get any available vaccine as soon as possible, please take the time to read the following and then explain to me why in your opinion I am wrong!
So, my children think, it should be my wish to live many more years. And I have to ask, can they not imagine, how awful the thought is to become more and more dependent on others? And on top of it having nobody to be with most of the time? Sure, one can have friends, and to have friends is a good thing, but without a special friend to share your life with, living becomes very difficult at a very advanced age. So, why should I want to live much, much longer? Is it so difficult to understand that for me it would be far more desirable not to live very much longer? For instance, why shouldn’t I die, when I have a heart attack? Why should I wish to be kept alive?
Yes, living alone can be a very lonely thing. It can happen to men as well as women. I had a very long marriage; 64 years actually! If Peter had lived longer, we would probably still be together. Everybody would think, that it was the right thing, that I still lived with my husband. But, I am a widow now, and I am resigned to it, to have to live on my own. Another marriage relationship is out of the question, isn’t it?
How young does a woman have to be in order to still be able to think of a new relationship? I think in the past most women that were not married yet by age 50 or even already by age 40, were regarded as being too old to find a partner!! So, usually men around that age would have been looking for a much younger woman to marry. Maybe this has changed a bit in modern times. These days a woman at around 40 or 50 would probably still have quite a good chance of finding a partner, she would perhaps even accept a partner that would be maybe 30 or 40 years her senior! I think a man who was 70 or 80 would call himself lucky to have a partner who was only 40 or 50 years old!
Some older widows have the good fortune to find a partner who is younger than she is. I know of an example, namely Peter’s sister. Ilse did not like to live on her own. So about two years after her husband had died, she became friendly with a guy who was in his fifties when she was already well into her sixties. She is 87 now and they are still together, but they each kept their own flats! Usually her partner goes to his nearby flat for a few hours each day, but the rest of the time they are always together.
Now I come back to this issue that my children think, it should be my wish to live many more years. Can they not imagine, how awful the thought is to become more and more dependent on others? And to have actually nobody to be with most of the time?
So, why should it be of the utmost importance to me to get vaccinated? All I can say is, I am really careful, not to get too close to people and and I do wear a mask, even when I am outside in the fresh air, for there might perhaps be a slight chance that accidently somebody might get a bit too close to my breathing space! So I think, it is quite likely that I am not in such a great danger of catching this Delta variant of the virus!
But I would say, that I get adverse reactions to any of these much too new vaccines is a real possibility! Besides, I want to avoid to come into contact with people at any of these places where they do vaccinations. Right now, I do not go into any buildings but stay at all times at home or in the outside area near my home ! I stay at a social distance away from the people that look after me. And I want to avoid travelling in anyone’s car, for the virus loves to stay around in the air of the confined space of a car!
It is a fact that it would be months away to get some fairly good protection from a vaccine like AstraZeneca. And then another booster is required in another few months? No, thank you! I let them work out some better vaccines, and I want indemnity to be assured. The present vaccines have only emergency approval. I can wait for proper approval and some indemnity. If for some reason I die in the meantime, I think I would feel this to be quite natural. Didn’t I have a very long, good life? Would it be so desirable for me to live very much longer? Certainly not. Just think about it!
Yes, I would like my children to think about it. Of course it is only natural that they want me to live rather than die, because they love me. But I want them to understand, that at my age dying in the near future is something that should not be prevented. Well, I can’t help it, but this is how I feel.
Now, if for some reason, I cannot stay at home anymore, and if for some reason I cannot stay away from people any more at all times, well then I guess I’d have to agree to get vaccinated because I’d probably be surrounded by people that need protection from the virus I might be carrying if I am not vaccinated.
So far so good. I want to put off this vaccination for as long as possible. I don’t mind if I die without having been vaccinated. Just don’t try to ‘save’ me when I am at death’s door! Right now, it is of no use trying to get me to see a doctor to talk to me about vaccinations. I don’t want to see a doctor, not at all.
I still have a good life, but of course a more and more lonely life. However a lot of people do lead rather lonely lives. I am so fortunate to own a beautiful home and to have no financial worries. My daughter Monika, who lives in a neighbouring suburb and has a car, supplies me with good, healthy food on a weekly basis. So, I do call myself very lucky. Not everyone is as lucky as I am, I know this.
I love staying in my own home, sitting on my newly established outside deck in the sun or to walk in the nearby park where it is always easy to stay completely by myself. If I had a choice, I would like to die at home rather than in an age care home or a hospital! Yes, I just hope it is possible for me to die at home.