Viva la Difference

Men and women are different. So be it. John Gray puts it this way: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I read this particular book of his in the 1990s. Looking at it today, it probably still makes quite a bit of sense to me. He calls his book:

“A PRACTICAL GUIDE FOR IMPROVING COMMUNICATION AND GETTING WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP”

I just picked at random one page, and the following statement caught my eye:

“Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed . . .

Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.”

I remember in the 1990s, after my mother’s death was still fresh on my mind, I felt there was not much communication between Peter and myself. Peter must have felt a bit like this too. One day, when he had to see his doctor for some reason, I think he mentioned something about difficulties in the marriage relationship. What did the doctor say? He urged Peter to buy me flowers.

Peter then told me, he would definitely not buy me any flowers. Maybe to him it didn’t look as though I should be rewarded with flowers! I didn’t complain. But it took a while before he finally bought me flowers. He still loves to buy be flowers on special occasions and sometimes on the spur of the moment.

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I used to often cut out articles from the Sydney Morning Herald. Two of these newspaper cuttings I found in the above mentioned book. Both of them are from 1998. I still find both articles a very good read. I thought maybe some bloggers would also like to read these relationship articles from the 1990s. So I scanned them.

Larry Beinhart said in 1998 that Bill and Hillary are an enviable match. Do you agree and does it still apply?

Helen Trinca wrote in 1998 what a mutually beneficial partnership is. Do you agree with her?

Here now are the two articles.

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12 thoughts on “Viva la Difference

  1. Hi Auntyuta!
    What an interesting couple of articles. To answer your questions, I think the Clintons were/are a couple united for a purpose. They are a team whose connection exists for the purpose of success. Maybe they initially had a different kind of connection based on love for each other but it appears to have eventually evolved into a love for success, with each participant being an integral tool to that end. This isn’t my version of love or marriage. I think they are clever and successful and I may envy their success but I do not envy their marriage. I prefer a marriage based on trust and love and respect. My version of success in a marriage includes not making assumptions about the other and considering them as your partner in life, in all of your life.
    Similarly, the second article stresses career or financial success and not love and consideration. It also seems to make the assumption that a lack of consideration, especially with the man, is a given, and a factor to always be worked around. Certainly, looking out for the other in a marriage, whether in career advancement or in household necessities, is part of a loving and caring relationship. I understand that many relationships are male dominated and many cultures promote that mindset. I consider that mindset a detriment to the positive evolution of the human species similar to racism or bigotry of any kind.
    I guess you inspired me to think today…thank you!

    1. Hi John,

      good to hear from you. Your reply makes me think too. I wonder now whether you think women dominated relationships are preferable for the positive evolution of the human species. Without this male/female tension wouldn’t it then be sufficient to have only females? Males would become effectually superfluous bar a few sperm donors!

      To my mind there should be a give and take in a good marriage, meaning sometimes the male dominance would apply, sometimes the female dominance.

      I agree a marriage should be based on trust, love and respect. I doubt that a marriage based solely on success could last.

      Would you agree that to a man it is important that he feels needed, whereas to a woman it is important that she feels cherished?

  2. Interesting, what Societyred said – united for a purpose…

    I love how some marriages last, but I hate to think of marriages existing because either partner is too afraid to move from the unhappy state. I have never thought much of the Clintons, but I think it’s great how Hillary is her own woman, & so active.

    Interesting, Aunty Uta – you know how I love old stuff!

    1. Makes me feel wonderful that you find this stuff interesting, Noeleen. I think it’s great that the Clinton marriage did last and I hope it continues to last. Hillary has at present an extremely demanding job. That she gets Bill’s support is probably crucial to her.

  3. Interesting articles, Uta. I especially like the one about Hill and Bill. I’ve always thought they had great love and respect for each other. I’m a huge fan of both of them. Bill certainly didn’t fit the notion most of us have as to what husbands are supposed to be, but he was a heck of a good president. He continues to do incredibly good works around the globe. Hillary is one of my heroes. She’s managed to make life so much better for women all over the world. She would have made a wonderful president. Maybe she’ll still run.

    Thanks for your thought-provoking post. Hope you’re well.

    1. I’m well, thank you, Pat. About the Clintons, I think too, that they had great love and respect for each other. That they survived the media assault, is a credit to them. It shows they must both be very strong characters. Even if you have all this love and respect for each other, circumstances may arrive where one or the other marriage partner gets deeply hurt. Even if you have a good marriage, it doesn’t mean you’ll be guaranteed never to have to suffer. People who love much may perhaps suffer much too.
      Thanks for commenting. Pat. Hope you’re well too.

  4. A very thought-provoking article. I would agree that love, trust and respect are vital components, and most couple start out with good intentions and (probably) commitment, but the relationship evolves over time. If the “purpose” is no longer shared after a number of years, clearly the marriage will deteriorate – but how many couples are clever enough to realise in time that their “purposes” have diverged? I feel a lengthy dissettation coming on, rquiring diligent research … 🙂

      1. Hi, Cat!
        Thank you for your comments. It looks like eventually you might want to write a lengthy blog about this subject.
        It’s really coincidental that I found these two articles from 1998 in a book. I thought, when I looked at them, it might be worthwhile to have a discussion on this particular subject.
        I am glad you’re thinking of writing about it.
        Sincerely, Uta

  5. Great, great articles. I think Hillary and Bill have a different definition of a great marriage. They seem to agree on all the things that are important to them. They work hard to make a difference in the world, and are highly educated and intelligent. They are solutions driven and have great love for their daughter and forgive each others’ flaws and errors.

    Regarding marriage in general~i think of it less as maledominated or female dominated, but rather which one is steering the ship or managing the mission. Communication is the key~and each one has an essential role to play. Wonderfully thought provoking, Uta.

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