A Reblog

 

A Letter To My Daughter

AnnaMaria

IMAG0318I don’t know how to start this but I hope when you read this in the future I hope you find understanding to why things went the way they did.

You are now 7 driving me crazy and keeping me filled with happiness when we currently have none but you don’t know that because every day I hide it from you that is why your dad has been distant to you it was not lack of love it was that I failed you and in my heart I felt that I was not worthy of your hugs and kisses.

After the discharge from the Army things quickly went downhill for lack of financial preparation but we had enough to survive a year but I never thought I could not find work after 14 months and becoming homeless was unavoidable.

I don’t have family to fall back on because my side of the family was a very small and extinct.  As for friends well I guess they were distant acquaintances and to seek assistance would have been a chore of broken promises.

Our Church could not help us so one day we stop going for I felt the uneasiness they felt in seeing one of their own not being able to pull his own weight.  They cared I guess but they did not want to get involved they would easily give us to prayers and holds us out to God but God was not helping and I felt they already did their part.  I became bitter for faith without sacrifice is no faith at all and it was better to leave then stay and gather with people that really could not help us or did not know how to help us.

Your mom I don’t want to really say much about your mom for I don’t want you thinking bad thoughts but I will tell you this so at least you have some real foundation about her.  Your mom loves you so much but she really did not want to raise you and your grandparents were too old to raise you so your mom would have easily sold you or put you for adoption but if she had the resources she would have easily raised you like a loving Mother.

I know adoption would have been the best for you but that would have meant that I as your father I really abandoned you and that is so much pain that you really don’t know how much pain it is until you reach that point of love which very few people ever reach.

So for now I am pleading the world for assistance for social services has limited resources to help a father and a daughter due to my gender and their lack of resources.

Just to make things clear Anna I have applied to 300 jobs or more and I have sent letters to CEO’s across America and I guess with all their wealth they could not feel or spare a little compassion to help a man in desperate need.  I was not asking for much just a job something to bring in income and I guess they could not help…

So I write this now and I don’t know what is going to happen in the following weeks but it seems the internet saves things forever and unless a miracle happens and change our present course one day you might want some answers to why and what happened. Hopefully I gave you just enough for you to understand what I was going through and not hate me for my failure to provide you a normal life.

I love you more than you would ever know and for every broken promise and they were just a handful I shed so many tears for it but the promise in raising you and providing you with unlimited possibilities that all parents provide was one promise I hated myself to break and that sealed my fate.

Just always know that I love you my Princess and always know that…

What is going to happen now is so uncertain but I will try my best to keep all your hopes and dreams as beautiful as your heart.

Love You Always

Dad (I hope one day I earn that title)

The link below is provided to ease in donating the little that you can:http://oyolagroup.com/donations.html

Respectfully,

Jorge Luis Oyola
3142 Lundin Drive Apt 6
Manhattan, Kansas 66503
785.320.3655

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