The following I found in Google and copied it.
Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has turned out his classic Kevin ‘07 election line, but this time, he’s international.
Formerly, “My name’s Kevin, I’m from Queensland and I’m here to help”, the former Labor Party leader opened with the zinger after he zipped to Canada last month to talk China and US relations at the TED Truth or Dare conference. The full video was uploaded on Wednesday.
In his 20-minute speech, Rudd, billed an “international relations expert”, outlined what the future holds for the “giants of the 21st century” and how their decisions “will affect all of us in ways perhaps we’ve never thought of”.
He urged the countries to reflect on history and learn from our previous mistakes and called for the US to engage in a better understanding of China’s culture.
But what’s a Kevin Rudd speech without a Ruddism, or three?
Without fail, he delivered. Here’s the best of the worst.
WEED JOKE FALLS FLAT
If China does become the world’s largest economy, think about this.
It will be the first time since George III was on the throne of England that in the world we will have as the largest economy a non-English speaking country, a non-Western country, a non liberal-democratic country.
And if you don’t think that’s going to affect the way the world happens in the future, then personally I think you’ve been smoking something — and that doesn’t mean you are from Colorado.
HIS HANDS WERE CLEARLY NOT BUILT FOR FARMING
People ask me why is it that a kid growing up in rural Australia got interested in learning Chinese. This is Betsy the cow. Betsy the cow was one of a herd of dairy cattle that I grew up with on a farm in rural Australia. See these hands, they’re not built for farming.
So very early on I discovered that in fact working on a farm was not designed for me and China was a safe remove from any career in Australian farm life.
KEVIN THE CONQUEROR?
The great thing about learning Chinese is that your Chinese teacher gives you a new name:
“Conqueror of the classics”. Any of you guys called Kevin? It’s a major lift from being called Kevin to be called “Conqueror of the classics”.
KEVIN TALKS ORGASMS
The ambassador began with this inelegant phrase, he said, ‘China and Australia are currently enjoying a relationship of unprecedented closeness’.
I thought to myself, ‘that sounds clumsy, that sounds odd, I will improve it’.
Note to file, never do that. It needed to be a little more elegant a little more classical, so I rendered it.
There was a big pause on the other side of the room.
The blood was visibly draining from their face … when I rendered his sentence … in fact what I said was, ‘Australia and China were now experiencing fantastic orgasm’.
That was the last time I was asked to interpret.
ASKED IF HE HAS A ROLE TO PLAY BRIDGING THE GAP
what we Australians do best is organise the drinks, you get them together in one room and we suggest this and we suggest that, than we go and get the drinks.
kevin rudd ted talk
Talk about a turnout. Source: Supplied