Big Loss
Our Dream Home, is this it?
All the Sundays after Peter died
Today is the4thSunday after Peter died/On th 8th of November, that is just a few weeks ago, when Peter was still alive and able to visit the local doctor (with Olivia’s help that is), yes on the 8th of November I republished one of the posts from November 2011.
Now, I assume that most of my readers would not like to go to the trouble of looking up all these posts. However, for me it was most interesting to read through all of them again. It helps to give some kind of substance to what I do remember about the past nine years or so. These posts show me, that already nine years ago I could not help myself thinking about what would happen when Peter and I would come into our eighties. Well, Peter made it to 85 without any significant changes in our surroundings. I am 86 already. I must admit I am not at all used to organising some trades people to do any necessary repairs. Peter always did this. He always pointed out to me: “You can do it if you like!” But did he really want me to do it? I don’t think so. Whenever he was supposed to show me something, he soon got impatient and took over, doing whatever needed to be done rather himself. I must admit, I am a rather slow learner and always got scared I would not learn fast enough or forget soon again, how to do certain things. This also went very much so with work on the computer too. Whenever something went wrong on the computer he would take over totally, yes, maybe showing me a few things but without making sure that I had understood it properly. And it was very hard for me to ask for repeat instructions. He would just say: “But I showed you already!” and leave it at that.
In a lot of ways I am now totally dependent on the help of my children. I am extremely lucky to have three capable and loving children. But it is difficult for me to accept that I may have to disrupt their lives too much. I would like to have a certain type of independence where I feel that I am still capable of making my own decisions in every way and where I have not to told by anyone how to live my life!
One of my concerns at the moment is the ever increasing need for an overhaul of my backyard. When I look at that post from 22nd of August 2016 about the loss of three of our big trees, I am astounded how this backyard has changed again over the last four years or so!
AuntyUta 
Let your children help you. It will be good for you and for them.
And I bet in 6 months, a year, etc., you will surprised and pleased at how independent you’ve become. Take one day at a time. 🙂
(((HUGS))) 🙂
Thank you for this, Carolyn. Your comment encourages me to think more positively! 🙂
HUGS, Uta 🙂
You’re welcome! Oh, good!
Remember to be kind to yourself, think positive, just take one day at a time, and you’ll get to where you’d like to be.
After being married 60+ years when my Dad died, my Mom took awhile to adapt to her new/different life without him. She lived a wonderful life of 18 more years…she made it to 97 years old. 🙂
97 years, well, that is quite an achievement, Carolyn!
Doing all these things that you suggest, I believe is the best advice anyone could be giving me! Thank you so much. 🙂
Who knows how much time I am still going to have. But it really should not be bothering me how much time I actually do have left. I can only try to do my best without being afraid all the time that I let myself and others down!
Love and HUGS from Uta 🙂
Change is that one thing we can always count on, whether we want it or not. And the form it takes is not always to our liking or expectations. To keep perspective, please remember that you sacrificed much for your children. Now it is their turn to sacrifice a bit for you and I suspect that they love doing so.
Very well said, dear Linda. I guess, at this stage, I am still too emotional. – – –
I have two daughters. Both of them are still in full time employment. They do depend on these jobs. During the past few months, while Peter had terminal cancer, they sacrificed already a lot as far as their jobs is concerned. They admit they would like to be able to catch up a bit now. Over the Christmas period they had some respite, which I felt they very much needed. (Because of the Coronavirus both can work mostly from home. When there are too many distractions at home, this I suspect can’t always be easy.) I know, that Peter on his deathbed kept worrying about the jobs of his daughters. He kept saying they should not neglect their work because of him. They kept assuring him, that it was alright. Their employment was such, that they could always get compassionate leave when it was needed. And I reckon this says a lot about employment conditions in Australia, well at least for those people that are lucky enough to be in fulltime emplyment!
Now to my son, who lives in regional Victoria. Even though he had a dying father and a most senior Oncologist attested tp this, and even though people were always told in special circumstances the border could bre crossed on compassionate grounds, Martin, the son, still was not able to get a permit withiout going on a 14 day quarentine first. This stressed out Martin no end, for he did not know how many days his father would have to live! Peter could have died any day, really. Nobody could forcast the exact of death. We were just told that it was unlikely that he could live till Christmas.
On the 23rd of November the border between NSW and Victoria was opened. Martin could finally rush to his father’s deathbed. And he could bring his dog along too in his car. Millie the dog was loved by all in the family. She was noi bother at all for Martin took excellent care of her. He treated her really like his baby! She was great therapy for everyone, especially for Peter.
A day after the funeral, that is on Sunday, the 20th of December. Martin had to rush back to Victoria. He arrived with Millie back at his place in Benalla just before the border was closed again!
Originally I had planned to go along with Martin to Benalla and stay there until a few days after New Year’s Eve. But it was decided to have the family over to my place here in Dapto for our usual Christmas Eve celebrations. Martin having to rush off so suddenly did bring me sort of out of balance. I thought I could not go with him because of our Christmas Eve celebrations. But maybe I should have given tje celebrations a miss and gone off with Martin, who knows?
Martin hopes, the border can be opened again soon. He says he is already preparing my room at his place. I can visit him anytime. At the moment he feels kind of useless because he cannot do anything for me.
These border closures are of course necessary because of the Coronavirus. It is right to try to keep the virus in check. These closures turned out to be frustrating, especially for Martin. And I must say, for me too. But sdooner or later I hae to get over it. It just takes some time. Overall we have been lucky. We must be grateful for the timing, I mean Peter was able to die in peace surrounded by all his loved ones. This is really somrething when so many people are immensely distressed because of dreadful health problems and disruptions in their lives due to the virus – – –
Is it only two weeks since Martin had to rush back to Benalla? I guess in about a week for most people the holiday time will be over. So from next week on we might be able to organise some of the planned renovations. I trust Caroline and son-in-law Matthew to do this for me. The question is, will I be able to escape to some other place, while the painters start working here? And then comes the laying out of a new floor! I reckon, it would be nice, if I did not have to be here, when all this is going on. If I am lucky, I might still end up in Benalla pretty soon, for a while at least. 🙂
How amazing that Martin could make it in time. And we will just have to hope for the best, that the border will open soon. I’m sure the authorities were particularly concerned about holiday travelers and were wisely trying to curb that. No such intelligent (if difficult) precautions over here on this side of the pond. People are cavorting around as if it was 1999. I do hope you’ll be able to travel real soon.
I hope so too, Linda. Basically, when Australians want to go on holidays right now, they have to go on holidays in their own state. The hospitality industry suffers a lot because of this. A lot of bookings, that had already been made, had to be cancelled! The borders are only going to be opened again, when for instance the clusters of Corona cases in Sydney and Melbourne are adequately handled, and when there aren’t any new cases for a while. Fortunately the tracking system works here pretty well. As soon as they find out that there is the possibility that you came into contact with someone who became a known case, they urge you to get tested. Thousands and thousands of people get tested every day just to find out a few people who might be carrying the virus. The bad thing is, that virus carriers, who do not show any symptoms, can still infect other people!
I apologise for all the typos in my above post.. It was not my best day! 🙂
Reblogged this on AuntyUta and commented:
I can report, that the backyard looks beautiful now. A lot of work has been done to it during the last few weeks. I am very happy about this!
Good to see that regardless of the hinderances to your capabilities in organising the trades, Uta…you seem to still have excellent capacity to keep up the word-count on your posts…may the God of the keyboads be always with you….and keep up the good works!!
Thank you, Joe, for being so encouraging. Thank you very much!
About a year ago we did get to know an extremely efficient trades person. When some money came to me after the death of one of my brothers, I tried to contact this tradie. It turned out, that he was booked out for the next few months. Eventually I contacted him again. Surprise, surprise, he was available this time. He, together with his apprentice, did now an excellent job in redesigning my backyard. They also did a good painting job inside the house. I am very happy with their work. 🙂 I’ll write about it a bit more some other time.