I had written quite a long story about my life. I had used a document in OneDrive to write down whatever I could remember about my early ‘love’
Uta’s (Ute’s) Birthday 21st September 1934
Parents married on the 25th of September 1930
Charlotte, the mother, was 19 when she married
Alexander was 26 when he married Charlotte.
Uta (Ute) was the first born child of Charlotte and Alexander.
So, when they had their first child after having been married for four years, Charlotte was 23 and Alexander was 30.
Aleander had promoted in 1930 to being Dr. Phil
From the moment, that she was born, Uta was loved by a lot of people.
Uta tells about EARLY CHILDHOOD:
Before I was three, we lived in Taunus Strasse, Berlin- Friedenau. Some time during 1937 we moved to Bozener Strasse in Berlin-Schöneberg. This is where Tante Ilse and Onkel Addi lived as well, and also my friend Cordula and her parents.
Later on we did get to know Family Todtenhausen, who lived in the
house opposite our apartment building.
During my early childhood Bozener Strasse was a very quiet street. There were no cars parked in the street.
Ilse had this narrow but very long balcony with a lot of plants to waterAs a two year old I loved to help with watering some of the plants!
The following picture, which was taken in Bozener Strasse on the 21st of September 1947. My brother Peter is nearly six. I stand behind Peter. I turned thirteen on that day. My brother Bodo is on the left. He is nine. Beside him Eva Todtenhausen, who is going on twelve, and beside Eva is Cordula, who is twelve.
I found out now, that Cordula died in July 2011, aged 76. This is very sad news for me.
I had written a lot about my first love, when I was 17, and which became very complicated. I thought I had no choice but to let go of this great love, which lasted only for a few weeks. One year later another guy looked at me in such a loving way, that I could not help myself, I had to respond to him, especially since I had no other love anymore at the time. But this new love did not work out very well for me. I was in my twenties before I could hold onto a permanent love, which was Peter. We married on the 21st of December 1956. The marriage had a few major upheavals, but nonetheless lasted till Peter’s death on the 12th of December 2020. His death turned me into a widow at age 86. Peter had been 8 month younger than me. So why was it not me, who died first? Why do men on average always die sooner than women? That leaves only a few men that cannot find a partner in old age, but a lot of elderly women that have no chance in the world of finding a new partner. I mean in old age you do not really have to constantly live together with your sex partner. From the woman’s point of view, it is not essential to aim for this. I think a limited time togetherness can be quite rewarding for an elderly woman, if a fulltime togetherness turns out to be too complicated. But an in some ways sexually active very old man would, if you look at it a bit reasonably, be far better of to choose a somewhat younger woman for fulltime living with until the end of his life.
I think elderly women who feel they could still be sexually active, but have difficulty in finding a suitable partner, maybe these women could make time for becoming active or appreciative in some kind of creative art that could fulfill them. For instance: Dancing, painting. writing, acting, singing or playing an instrument, doing needle work, cooking, or just listening to music, or reading or watching a play or a movie.
3 thoughts on “Diary”
Thank you Uta for the tender memories of your younger years…as to why many men pass away sooner than women, I think it may have a little to do with the male’s sense of masculine worth…if he cannot be of any use either physically or sexually, what point of living?…I’m not saying he would deliberately do himself in, but he (and I include myself in this theory) will neglect signs of health problems until too late…so to be allowed a “legitimate” ending of life….I remember my father at around 80yrs, ( a strong, healthy stone mason all his working life )…bitterly lamenting to me that “What use in living when all one can carry is this bloody stick!”….
I thank you for your comment, dear Joe.
You say, that “if he cannot be of any use either physically or sexually, what point of living?”
I am sure, you’re right that many men would feel like this. In general, a lot of women would probably not be so worried about becoming vulnerable and needing a huge amount of help. They are probably more acceptable of getting more and more help with advancing age, thinking they do well deserve to be looked after like this!
Maybe I’m not the typical woman, for I’m afraid this is not my way of thinking. My concern right now is, that becoming hugely dependent is not a life worth living anymore!
My idea is, that there is no clear line of division between the sexes. Everybody is different. We’re not all the same as society expects us to be. Above all, we may also constantly change a great deal throughout our lives. What may have been just normal at certain stages in our lives, may seem at other stages of life not normal anymore at all.
Looking at this post again, I cannot find the section where I say that I lost nearly all of my writing. I had written in such great detail how I felt about the two guys that I had been in love with before I was 20. The first guy really awakened my ability to love. Since he was not acceptable to my mother very soon after we started a relationship, and since it later turned out, he was not approving of the ‘Cold War’, but wanted to work on improving the relationship with Russian people, I had to regard him as not being on the political correct side. The way things were, I really could not make my own decisions about my life until I was 21. My parents were actually separated for many years already and by that time also divorced, nonetheless both of them were out to protect me. I felt, I was not yet sufficiently independent to stand on my own two feet. But I had left school early, and I had started a job as an office worker with the clearing house of FLEUROP/INTERFLORA.
So as to the second guy, he always was a very good trustworthy friend to me, but he shied away from being my lover. For well over a year, I lived in hope, that this could change. In vain! Also, I kept the relationship with him secret from my mother. Well, she could not stop me going out to see him, especially since she was staying herself on a nearly daily basis with her male companion! I never invited my dearly loved friend to visit me. He always stayed well away from where I lived. His mother was a widow. I was on very good terms with her. She had one room sublet to a middle aged gentleman, who sooner or later became her rather close friend.
I moved out from my mother’s place one month before I turned 21. I rented a very small room, and this is where some beautiful love making with Peter could start.