“Apparently the survival rates of spouses on their own after the death of one a partner are sad reading. Over 66% also pass away within 6 months as well. Loneliness is the main reason.”
gerard oosterman said the above on
December 3, 2019
I survived now nearly 27 months since my spouse died. Somehow, I cannot imagine, surviving another 27 months or more like this.
Today I copied an article about my deceased daughter Gaby and published it:
I often contemplate now, how I seem to face a dilemma that is not unlike that of the one that dear Gaby had to face after David became too sick to do any caring for her. Well, officially, he had been just her carer, not her partner. They had separate bedrooms of course. As a paid for carer he had to be in the house with her at nightime, in case Gaby needed him in an emergency. When David did take a few day’s leave to travel somewhere to have a break, Peter and I, as well as our young daughter Caroline, would stay with Gaby for a few days. We always had a good time with Gaby. It was like a little holiday. But then of course we were always happy, when we could travel home again.
So, there came a time, when David could not do anything for Gaby anymore. So, Gaby had to look for somebody who could replace him. She tried and tried to find somebody. She never gave up. How can a 54 year old very disabled person find a trustworthy live-in partner? Difficult, very, very difficult. This is all I can say. Now, did Gaby want to end up in institutional care? No, never! So, to be honest, isn’t it somehow a blessing that Gaby did die peacefully in her own home just a few weeks before her 55th birthday? – Originally her life expectancy had been 30 years! I think, one can say, she did do extremely well with her life.
So, to compare the last stages of Gaby’s life with my last stages. Aren’t we in a similar boat? Nobody, absolutely nobody, is inclined to share some of his life with me. There is not even one person, who would be willing to share just an evening with me! The only exception is my son Martin, who might spend about a week with me, that is he may visit for about a week maybe three times a year! Well, of course these are very beautiful special weeks for me. But how can these few weeks make me want to live forever when for the rest of the year I have the feeling to go on living is not worthwhile anymore, because, really, there is nobody living close by, who would be able to spend a few hours with me on a more or less regular basis. Yes, one can have hope, hope, hope. The fact is, with rapidly advancing years, there may come a time, when hope just is not enough anymore, and one is only too willing to welcome eternal rest! 🙂
I can’t keep up with the younger people anymore. All my family are much younger than me. A more elderly person, with not too many other attachments, might understand much better, what sort of company I do need, and hopefully could make valuable time for me. I feel, it is really only natural, if my time is running out now. I am only too willing to face up to it. I think, for the rest of my days, I’ll just concentrate more and more on reading, talking, and writing. I am determined to enjoy live as much as possible for as long as I live, but that does not mean, that I want to live much longer, or for ever and ever. When the time is up, it is up.
“Holy Mary, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.”
AuntyUta 
Respected Madam,
I have gone through your post.
Mostly I read your post whenever I come across your post.
Each of the lines is very true that you have written.
I understand that nobody is there to spare one evening with you.
I wish I could do that 😭
My mother is 86 years old. Stays alone in another city 150 miles away from me.
My father died in 1992.
My youngest sister died in 2004.
I visit my mom in 3 months time.
I speak daily minimum once. She has hearing problem.
But she gossips with maids and other helps. Watches TV with them.
I request my friends and others to visit my mom and spend time.
I know it fully.
I am ready to speak to as well in WhatsApp or any other media.
I love you
I adore you
I respect you.
Please don’t feel sad and lonely.
I really love you.
Best regards 🙏😊💖
Dear Arun, thank you so much for your comment! 🙂 It shows a lot of compassion and understanding. The fate of your dear mother shows me, that I am not the only one with some aging problems. We just need a bit of help with doing the things that we can still do. You’re a terrific son for keeping in touch with your mum on a daily basis, even if there are some hearing problems. You do, whatever you can do. I do admire you!! 🙂
And how good, that in a few months, you can actually visit your mum. Visits like that are precious and are going to stay with you in your memory forever.
So thank you very much for what you’ve been writing. It really made my day.
HUGS from Australia! 🥰
Regards, Aunty Uta ❤
🤗 Hugs
I will visit my mom very soon 😃
I do have a great respect for you for that you are very strong and says the truth of the moment.
I will share my photos with my mother.
I give her moral support to live long life happily to touch 💯 years.
I assure her that I am there for you.
Same way I extend my moral support to you.
If I visit Australia, I will meet you and spend some time with you.
Take care always 🙏
Find the true Self inside. Self will spend time with you and you will get enormous Joy.
Kind regards 😊❤️🙏🙏
Yes Arun, HUGS from me too. Also HUGS to your mother, when you see her! 🙂
You mentioned the other day, that she gossips with maids and other helps. What about friends her age?
I still have friends that are close to my age, and who live in the neighbourhood. But the time I can spend with them is limited, for they are always extremely busy with their own lives.
When my husband was still alive, other couples were always willing to make time for us. For a single, very elderly woman all this changes!! But I do get more and more used to the way I live now. 🙂
My single woman friends, whose husband’s died a long time ago, seem to be very happy with their single life, and, as I said, they keep themselves very busy. None of these friends do any writing. So, they are not interested in having anything to do with blogging. My husband om the other hand, was a very keen blogger. Quite a few blogger friends we had in common. . . .
What keeps me now very busy above all, is a love of writing, and of course talking comes into it too, whenever I have a chance to talk to some like minded people. Occasionally, I do have very interesting conversations with some of my blogger friends or even with people in my family! 🙂
My wish after my husband’s departure, was, to be able to travel on my own! I am not sure, whether I should still wish for that. 🤔
Sometimes, some of my family members take me along on their outings, that may last for a few hours. But I cannot think of anyone, who would have time or the inclination to take me away on a little holiday! 🙂 The only holiday I have had since my husband died, is, when I could stay for a few days with my darling son! 🙂
I live in the Illawarra of New South Wales, a bit south from Sydney. I have not managed yet to use public transport on my own. And I don’t drive a car because of poor eye-sight.
Somehow, I am more and more resigned to the fact that I have to stay on my own for the rest of my life. For as long as I can still find contentment in writing, I am grateful to be still alive. However, I don’t like to look ahead too far into the future. 🙂
If you should travel to Australia sometime in the future, I guess you’d be thinking of going to Sydney? Yes, it would be great, if we could meet each other. I am sure a conversation with you would be most interesting. 🙂
One of my daughters lives in Sydney with her husband. This son-in-law has studied philosophy. He is also a great food lover, and could show you a variety of great restaurants in Sydney and surrounds. 🙂
My blogger name is Aunty Uta. But of course you can call me just Uta. 🙂
🤗😘☕❤
// You mentioned the other day, that she gossips with maids and other helps. What about friends her age? // In response to this question, I let you know that friends of her age are almost no more. Four-Five are there still in different locations. That is why she keeps company of maids/helps, because they spend time by watching TV program and getting some tiffin/ evening snacks along with TEA which my mom prepare herself. Love between Mom and helps are amazing!
I have my younger brother who stays just 3 KM away from my mom, but he (my brother and his family) do not take care even by meeting. Rather they use abusive.
On the other hand, I do take care remotely like reminding stock of medicines and other essentials such as fruits or leafy vegetables along with vitamins etc. Moreover I send my contacts to visit my mom periodically. 😊😊😂
// I still have friends that are close to my age, and who live in the neighbourhood. But the time I can spend with them is limited, for they are always extremely busy with their own lives.//
Totally agree.👍
//When my husband was still alive, other couples were always willing to make time for us. For a single, very elderly woman all this changes!! But I do get more and more used to the way I live now. 🙂//————————VERY TRUE————-
//My single woman friends, whose husband’s died a long time ago, seem to be very happy with their single life, and, as I said, they keep themselves very busy. None of these friends do any writing. So, they are not interested in having anything to do with blogging. My husband om the other hand, was a very keen blogger. Quite a few blogger friends we had in common. . . .//
Please do write. Keep yourself busy with this blogging world. Physical presence is not the only means. Virtual presence through Net, Media etc is also a good measure.
Please keep your health fit and fine. Please do Breathing exercise and Meditation,
Yes, breathing exercise and meditation are very important to me!
But it is always good, to be reminded of this. Thank you, Arun! 🙂
In this regard I will share a very short article. Read slowly.
https://arunsingha.in/2022/06/21/a-special-note-on-international-yoga-day-2022/
What should be my (our) goal?
Answer: To be United with Supreme:
Complete cessation of sufferings and attainment of Bliss is the goal of everyone.
// Sometimes, some of my family members take me along on their outings, that may last for a few hours. But I cannot think of anyone, who would have time or the inclination to take me away on a little holiday! 🙂 The only holiday I have had since my husband died, is, when I could stay for a few days with my darling son! 🙂//
I WISH YOU GO AGAIN. i WISH THAT YOUR ALL DESIRES BE FULFILLED. !!!
// I am more and more resigned to the fact that I have to stay on my own for the rest of my life. For as long as I can still find contentment in writing, I am grateful to be still alive. However, I don’t like to look ahead too far into the future. 🙂//
This is your strength. Please do not lose your strength. You have infinite potential. Know your that Potential. Age is just a number. Infact our true Identity is Immortal, Unborn and ever existed, beyond Time and Space.
//If you should travel to Australia sometime in the future, I guess you’d be thinking of going to Sydney? Yes, it would be great, if we could meet each other. I am sure a conversation with you would be most interesting. 🙂//
I wish to meet you personally. Lets see what is in future.
Live long and long, as long as you wish.
Please do not get upset for anything, any memories should not bother you. Close your eyes and see everyone, everything before you.
In this connection I wrote a small blog on Valentines Day. Link is given below. If you have time, then please read.
https://arunsingha.in/2023/02/14/happy-valentines-day-to-all-of-you-my-friends/
Please give some time to read and dwell on it. Find the Universe inside your Heart.
I did read your beautiful Valentines Day post, Arun. I tried to insert one little comment. It went astray. I don’t know, where it went to.
You say: “Physical presence is not the only means. Virtual presence through Net, Media etc is also a good measure.” I totally agree with this, and I made a comment about it. This also went astray! Why do these things happen? Why does something I write, disappear, just like that? When something like this happens too often. I just need a break and cannot write anymore. It seems, my energy output is very limited anyway. I was never very good with handwriting and preferred typing. But these days I sometimes think I might be better off to give this computer a miss, and just try to do only handwriting. But then, how can I stay in touch with bloggers ?
When my husband and I were very young and in love, he had to work in another city for a while. Nearly every day there was a letter of his in the letter-box! We didn’t even have a phone connection!
There is answer! Smile😊 Smile Smile Smile !
Same thing happened to me many a times.
What I do now is that whenever there is a big Text, I write in word file and save it at first step by step. Then after completion of full Text, I send it to my friends.
Actually, they never go to astray. Maybe somewhere we cannot locate till the window is closed.
Now a days in most of the cases I write in steps as you might have seen. I write few lines and immediately send it such that it does not vanish.
When my husband and I were very young and in love, he had to work in another city for a while. Nearly every day there was a letter of his in the letter-box! We didn’t even have a phone connection!
Same is true for me. I have kept all most all letters with me both of me and my wife.
We were in love for 7 long years before marriage. We got married in 1985
My husband and I were in love for well over a year when we got married in December 1956. 🙂
My husband’s parents were engaged for ten years before they got married in 1930!
Happy to know. I am also very happy that you are active in writing also. Write as you wish.
My year of birth goes to 1958 🙏🤝❤️
Hand written letter has got awesome impact. I have a plan to write one blog on “LOVE LETTERS”
There is a scope to write hand written notes and to share after taking a snap. That can be shared through email or WhatsApp.
you can reach me on my mail ID
arun7663@gmail.com
+919438426139 [WhatsApp]
Please don’t be disappointed anytime.
Have a wonderful evening in your country AUS…………🤝😊🙏
Arun, I would like to save your gmail. But a simple task like saving it, seems for me to be too difficult to do! But thank you for writing it down. 🙂
My email address is:
utahannemann@hotmail.com
TEST MAIL SENT🙏🤝
Your comments may still be lying in the comment box of my article ” Happy Valentines day. Please visit again. I think you will find that. May be.
I wished I could still learn to work with the computer that well!
?
//One of my daughters lives in Sydney with her husband. This son-in-law has studied philosophy. He is also a great food lover, and could show you a variety of great restaurants in Sydney and surrounds. 🙂//
Happy to know.
Live Long
Live Long
Live Long
Uta is your name. Very sweet name.
A big HUG to you.
Think that I am just near you and gossiping with you.
Promise that you will not be sad any time.
🙏🙏🙏🫱🏻🫲🏻
My German name used to be “Ute”, and I did not like it. These days I think, in German “Ute” doesn’t really sound so bad. But in Australia I definitely like to be called “Uta”. 🙂
Thats very fine. Name is a sweet word and Uta is equally good. Ute is very cute name too. Highly adorable is Ute for me.
Have a blissful time. Regards.