Diary

This is where we had lunch on Mother’s Day:

https://www.opentable.com.au/r/kneading-ruby-wollongong

“Located at 5 Crown Lane Wollongong, Kneading Ruby offers authentic woodfire pizzas & bespoke dishes made to share. Produced traditionally with the freshest seasonal produce, join us for a dining occasion with a casual modern approach.”

We had a lovely time on that day sharing some very good food. We had booked a table for eight.

At the moment the great news is, that finally we are actually planning to build a deck: It looks it may be happening very soon now!

https://www.bunnings.com.au/diy-advice/building-construction/decking/planning-to-build-a-deck

Also very soon, Caroline and I are going to see the movie ‘June again’ in the Gala Cinema:

https://www.galacinema.com/movie/juneagain

The other day I watched the movie ‘Schwarzwaldliebe’ and I liked it very much:

https://www.ardmediathek.de/video/filme-im-ersten/schwarzwaldliebe/das-erste/Y3JpZDovL2Rhc2Vyc3RlLmRlL2Zlcm5zZWhmaWxtZSBpbSBlcnN0ZW4vMjZjODU2NjAtODJlOC00MjBkLThmZTAtY2Q4NGU1ZGRiYWI1/

On the following Sunday, 16th May, Peter would have been 86. I am going to have on that day some family and friends over for afternoon coffee and cake in memory of Peter.

So, it looks like I keep myself pretty busy!

What do old People need?

For a start they do need an environment that stays THE SAME at all times. Any slight change in the environment can be upsetting! Reasonable cleanliness, yes, of course. But not that sort of cleanliness where everything gets changed around all the time!

When help is offered, preferably it should be offered in the most simple way with a minimum amount of bureaucratic rules but with simple explanations provided so that the aged person can understand what the rules are!

I do stop here for today, but I would like to recommend to have a look at what Ita Buttrose’s talk was about at yesterday’s National Press Club Address:

https://www.npc.org.au/

Diary

Pictures from Anzac Day 2021 among the trees in Lakelands Park, Dapto, NSW, Australia.

Remembering how the poppies grow row on row between the crosses in Flanders Fields.

Remembering Peter’s grandfather, Otto Hannemann, who died in 1916 in Flanders. His grave is near Lille in France.

https://berlioz1935.wordpress.com/tag/ww-1/

This is what Peter published about his grandfather Otto HANNEMANN:

One hundred years ago the most terrible of wars began. Up to that time there had been no war like this. I blame the industrial societies for it. In their search for growth potential they did not allow any restrictions; “markets, customers and resources,” was the cry for the “promised land”.

My Granddad, Otto Hannemann, was a carpenter foreman in the growing city of Berlin. Born in the small town of Lukenwalde, south of Berlin, he looked for work in the big city to support his growing family. In the first picture we see him with one of his two daughters and my dad. It seems they are all dressed up for a Sunday outing. In July 1907 my father was six years old.

July 1907

These were the years of peace and future well being. I don’t know much about my Granddad. My father seemed to be proud of him and proclaimed that “he built all the bridges” over the railway lines out of Berlin to the South. In the next picture we see him with some workers on a building site. I have been assured that he is in the picture. I think it is him on the far left with his hat on. The occasion is most likely a “Richtfest”, the celebration of the erection of the roof supports.

When the war started he was not called up straight away. Only later, in the beginning of 1916, he was called upon as he was a reservist (Landjäger). In the picture he looks rather serious, probably anticipating what lay ahead of him.

Early 1916, it is still Winter

It is the same picture my Grandmother had in a large frame on the wall of her bedroom. It seems he had his training in Schwerin, the capital of Mecklenburg.

The next picture was taken on the 15th February 1916. He was sending the card as a birthday gift. For whom, I don’t know. You can see him on the left in the back row.with the arrow pointing at him.

15.2.1916

In the next picture you can see him second from the left in the centre row. On the back he wrote that those are the men from room 13 and he added, which mystifies me, “the ‘washer children’ are not in the picture”. Whatever this means?

14.4.1916

The next picture could be from the same period. The soldiers in “drill uniforms” usually worn on work duties. It looks to me they are waiting to be issued with food. He is in the centre and is marked with a red cross.

I have no idea when he was sent to the Western Front. Perhaps he was even opposite Australian forces.

The following photo was made on Sunday 14th May 1916. It tells on the sign “Rat-Goulash on the menu for the day”.

On the 15th of July 1916 he wrote at the back of the photo that he sent to his loved ones, that really they don’t have to eat rat-goulash yet. The picture has been staged he assured the readers, but still there are lots of rats to be seen. And they say Germans have no sense of humour.

July 1907

On the 2. 12. 1916 he fell. Some reports tell of cold and frosty days. He is buried in a war cemetery just outside Lille.

A pictures of his grave can be viewed here just towards the end of Peter’s post:

https://berlioz1935.wordpress.com/tag/ww-1/

What I wrote on the 1st of May 2020

https://williambowles.info/2020/04/03/the-things-you-cannot-say-about-coronavirus/
May 1, 2020 at 01:24 REPLYHaving just reblogged this post Aunty Uta, I feel I would like to make some more comments, for instance on ‘Social Distancing’.
Isn’t it true, that we cannot be sure who might be spreading the Coronavirus, the one that is called Covid19. Anybody can accidentally have picked up the virus somewhere. It is easy to pass it on if you do not keep a social distance. This is a fact, isn’t it?
Well, with the flu, I reckon it is a bit different. Somehow we have mostly learned to live with it. Sure, a lot of people get infected during the flu season. We try to stay away from people who have obviously a bad cold. Most people do not end up in hospital if they happen to infect themselves with a bit of the flu virus. The medical profession and the hospitals are not overloaded just because a certain number of people happen to have the flu.
But now, isn’t this a bit different with this present Coronavirus? You cannot protect yourself from this virus unless you practice strict Social Distancing and avoid touching surfaces where the virus might be present. So you are not allowed to touch your face before you washed your hands thoroughly! And if you say I do not like all these restrictions, therefore I do not care if I spread the virus around. Well, this may be so, but please, do you say the same about the flu virus? If you have a bad cold, do you go around and let your droplets reach others by coughing and sneezing regardless how close other people are to you?
I agree, generally speaking dying is something all of us can expect sooner or later. However is it not obvious that the infection and dying en masse because of a virus we ought to prevent as much as possible?
Sure, a lot of us are extremely upset when Social Distancing is necessary over an extended period of time, but are you not concerned how overloaded all our medical facilities become when Social Distancing is less and less observed and when millions and millions of people die at a time when they would otherwise not have died?Like
AUNTYUTA April 30, 2020 at 23:52 REPLYReblogged this on AuntyUta and commented:
I am 85. I do not mind dying. But please let my die naturally. Do not try to keep me alive when my time is up, let me die peacefully in natural surroundings, and possibly let me say farewell to my loved ones.

Diary of an older Widow

On the 7th of May 2020 I wrote about it how as a kid in the 1930s I played with my toys all by myself in my ‘Kinderzimmer’ (Child Room):

” . . . as a toddler I would spend many hours every day in my Kinderzimmer. All my toys would be kept in that room. I loved my Kinderzimmer and all my toys. I was very much used to playing with my toys in my room. I remember it quite well, how I would spend time there all by myself. I did not mind this, really, because I was used to it. But I always was most happy, when another person would spend some time with me! – – – I think when I was about four or five, I was allowed to invite a childhood friend to come to my place and play with me. We might be allowed to have a bit of a look into the living rooms, but to spend time playing in one of the living rooms was not the done thing! Playtime with my companions would always take place in the Kinderzimmer. The same would happen when I went visiting one of my friends. . .”

I said that even as a toddler I was used to spending time all by myself, and that I did not mind it. Of course I often wished for company, and I was always very happy when someone could be with me. Still, I think I learned from an early age, to cope a lot of the time with being on my own. Of course, when being on my own may perhaps felt somewhat boring, I would invent people surrounding me, people that I could talk to!

Now, in my old age, I think back to those growing up days, and how lonely I really often was. Isn’t something similar happening now that I am a widow and living without a companion? Maybe it is kind of normal, that people, who live on their own, often resort to talking to someone who isn’t really there? So, this means, talking to just a pretend person! Or, is that why some lonely people’s dogs are their best friends, for they are someone to talk to?

Come to think of it, I really often enjoy very much spending time by myself, working out how to best do things all by myself. As soon as someone is with me, they straight away tend to be taking over, meaning they help me by doing things for me that I am unable to do by myself with some reasonable speed. Well, it may be just as well, that having to do things by myself most of the time, keeps me on my toes. If everything was being done for me all the time, wouldn’t I be bound to deteriorate even faster?

There are certainly a lot of things that I cannot do anymore, like driving a car, or cleaning windows or doing some fast walking. To avoid disastrous falls I have to do everything very slowly and carefully. When I am doing things while I am on my own, I find it usually easier to do everything slowly and carefully. Not so, when someone is with me! So, being on my own most of the time may really have a lot of benefits. It helps me to stay a little bit more independent and not having to rely on outside help for everything!

Some Thoughts on the Education of Children a few Generations ago and now

Diary

Yesterday, on Thursday, I had some real quality time with some of my family too: We went for three hours to a beautiful park at Lake Illawarra with four children of our family! 🙂

There were heaps of other children there too, since the kids were still on their Easter holidays. Granddaughter Natasha was great in watching her nephews, aged 4 – 6 – and 8 years, as well as 18 months old niece. My daughter Monika had picked me up from home with my rollator. The two older kids are the kids of one of Monika’s sons, the two younger kids are the kids of one of her daughters. So all of them are my great-grandchildren! I enjoyed watching all of them playing to their heart’s content in this beautiful park area with lots of other children and lots and lots of playground equipment on a perfectly beautiful sunny autumn day. For lunch we had fish and chips from a nearby shop. We had brought our own drinks. I was so grateful to Monika that she had asked me to come along with them! 🙂

There was opportunity for some interesting conversations with granddaughter Natasha. She is a care worker. To be able to have some longer talks with her was very interesting! 🙂

Hypertension

The infection in my lower leg, well all the doctors think that there is no more to worry about. So I hope, they are right, and that I will be able to handle it a bit better from now on.

From the 14th to the 28th of March I had a lovely two weeks with my son in Benalla, Victoria. Before that, that is from the 7th to the 14th of March, Martin and his dog Millie were here with me in Dapto, and on the 13th of March we did attend the wedding of one of my granddaughters. During this one week stay here I first did get this itchy dermatitis on both of my lower legs which may have eventuated from doing a bit of work in the garden!

So, Martin drove me to the doctors for some prescription. Towards the end of my stay in Benalla, one of the sores had flared up into a pretty bad infection. Back in Dapto, I was prescribed some antibiotics as well as several more visits to the medical treatment room. Two weeks after that it was detected, I suffered from ‘hypertension’. Now they are working on it to get my blood pressure down!

About Grieving

A good friend of mine pointed out to me that the Grieving Process can take a long time. I googled ‘Grieving Process’ and ended up reading this article:

https://www.verywellmind.com/decisions-to-delay-if-youre-grieving-4065127

Avoid Making Big Decisions After Experiencing a Death

By Chris Raymond Reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS Updated on July 21, 2020

. . . . .

I find reading about the five stages of grief is worthwhile too:

https://www.verywellmind.com/five-stages-of-grief-4175361

STRESS MANAGEMENT EFFECTS ON HEALTH

The Five Stages of Grief

Learning about emotions after loss can help us heal

Reviewed by Amy Morin, LCSW Updated on February 12, 2021Print Table of Contents

“When we lose a loved one, the pain we experience can feel unbearable. Understandably, grief is complicated and we sometimes wonder if the pain will ever end. We go through a variety of emotional experiences such as anger, confusion, and sadness. . . .”

The following I did write into my Diary recently after having visited my son in Victoria:

What Stage of Grieving am I at? And what Stage of Grieving about their Father are my children at?

Well, this is the question, isn’t it? Also, I’d like to know, how I, an 86 year old, can help my children at this stage?

Everyone knew already in March 2020 that Peter’s cancer was well advanced. So, it was only a matter of time, when his bladder cancer would spread into other areas.

By June 2020 the head oncologist at the hospital advised Peter, to bring his affairs in order. It looked to him, that the cancer had already spread to his bones. A few months later a nuclear test was done, that showed without doubt that the cancer had well and truly spread to his bones, which meant then, that in all probability Peter would have only a very short time to live anymore. It was obvious, that he was in the last stages of cancer and so was in need of some palliative care. . . . Soon, it was organised to give him palliative care at home with adequate pain reducing medication administered by Hospital staff who came to our home at scheduled times. To make the total care possible, quite a few family members were involved in helping to give this, plus we did get some subsidised respite care.

I would say, very often it was very difficult work for all the family. For sure it took a lot out of them, whereas overall I, the 86 year old wife, had not to do all that much physical work in looking after Peter. It was so amazing, how all the children did very lovingly look after their Dad! Also there was a constant stream of visitors by other family members, and a lot of friends were showing that they cared for him very much.

Somehow, all of us had finally to be prepared that is was highly unlikely that Peter would still be alive by Christmas. This prediction was close enough: Peter died on the 12th of the 12th 2020 and was cremated on the 21st of December 2020, our 64th Wedding Anniversary!

But now back to March 2020. By that time, Peter had enormous kidney pain. A solution was found, to drain the liquid around the kidney and his heart: A stent was inserted by an urology team. The stent went from the kidney to the bladder. The stent did its job quite well for a while. However we knew, the stent would have to be renewed after a few months. Finally this was done in August 2020.

On my birthday, on the 21st of September, Peter could hardly walk. I think he realised then that he probably would not last much longer. But somehow he may still have been in a state of denial. And I believe, one of our daughters and her husband were both in a state of denial too. The way they acted and looked after him once he did get palliative care showed to me a denial of very closely impending death.

I, on the other hand, I was already in 2018 convinced, that either his bad heart or his cancer would be the cause of his death. For instance, once the BCG treatment (Bladder cancer: What to know about BCG treatment)

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324385#about

was stopped, there was not much left, that could be done. It was said, that because of his heart trouble, it was not possible for Peter to survive a five hour bladder operation!

So Peter’s cancerous bladder could not be removed. That meant, Peter’s cancer would sooner or later be spreading outside. . . .There was just no denying it!

I think my sadness started already in 2016, when Peter first found out about the tumour in his bladder. I did not want him to die before me: He would have been able to cope without me so much better than I can cope now without him!

I was sad, that Peter developed a terminal sickness, of course I was sad. But for sure I was not in denial that eventually the sickness turned out to be terminal. I was just grateful, that we could still have a few good years together, for Peter was most of the time still pretty active and not in severe pain since he was always well medicated.

Yes, there was sadness, but we were also grateful that we were still able to enjoy a lot of togetherness! Really, most of the time life seemed to be still quite enjoyable . . . .

Come to think of it, the five stages of grief somehow may not have effected my life so utterly, since we had such an early warning, and I was never in denial of the situation and learned to accept it early on. The grief may have effected our children much more. So, I would like to know, how I can help my children!

Very recently I found out, that as early as March 2020 our son was extremely depressed and in tears about the condition of his Dad. This was the time when his wife decided she did not want to see him anymore. I think she had not seen his tears, but she saw his neighbour who had recently moved into the house next door. This neighbour is a very compassionate woman and willing to be a good friend to Martin, however she is due for some rehabilitation for she drinks too much. She keeps telling over and over again, that she had quite a lot of bad experiences and suffering, partly because of her mother.

This neighbour is divorced. However she has a very lovely daughter from an earlier relationship. The daughter is divorced too and has a new partner, she also has a very good job. The neighbour’s 27 year old daughter has a sweet little four year old daughter and shares that little girl with her ex-husband. And when she is feeling well enough, dear grandma can look after the little one for a couple of nights as well. I met the whole family. They are all very nice.

My son lives in Victoria and is already retired, whereas my two daughters still work full-time. The daughters live in NSW both of them close enough for fairly regular visits, and one of the granddaughters comes to help too, whenever her work schedule allows for it.

So, the son lives some 600km away in Victoria. But he’s come to visit quite often whenever he was needed for something or other and when it was possible to visit without having to go into quarantine!

Uta’s DIARY from Holy Week 2021

We are in the midst of HOLY WEEK 2021. So tomorrow is GOOD FRIDAY, a holiday. Sitting in front of my house in the early morning sun – this is what I am looking forward to for tomorrow.

I am not looking forward to asking someone for a lift to the MEDICAL CENTRE. Do I really need a change of the dressing on my lower leg? We’ll see.

Sitting in the sun. This is all I am longing for . . . .

Last Sunday I returned from my two weeks holiday at my son’s place in Victoria. With the help of one daughter and one granddaughter I was able to go to the MEDICAL CENTRE on Monday and on Wednesday. I was able to use the ROLLATOR, which was really a great help. Right now, I do not feel confident to walk with my walking stick!

And anyway, I get some more visitors on EASTER SUNDAY. This is in only two more days!

I wonder whether I can adjust to be living totally on my own. My brother reckons, I sound alert on the phone, Then what about my mobility? Has it become better or worse? I would say unfortunately at present it is a lot of the time quite bad. But maybe this has to do with this terrible infection I had in my leg. And this infection may also have to do with my constant tiredness.

Yes, always feeling tired. However when my brother rang from Berlin, my tiredness soon became less and less. After a while it felt good talking to him and his wife.

I like living in my own home. Every Thursday I get two hours home help. There are a lot of plans, that I should get some more help in. Strangely, this makes me feel even more dependent!

Is this kind of dependency really better than living in an AGE CARE HOME? Living in such a home, how would that make me feel?

Maybe I should look into some kind of HOSTEL type accommodation? What a HOSTEL is like, I described in a blog I wrote many years ago.

I had a friend, who lived in a HOSTEL for many years. She died before she needed to be transferred to a NURSING HOME. I think, she was very lucky in this regard. She was 93 when she died.

Well, this was 17 years ago. Maybe what used to be called HOSTEL is now being called AGE CARE HOME. Why then do I have such a horror of ending up in an AGE CARE HOME?

It was acknowledged some time ago. that the house I live in needs a lot of changes and renovations, especially the outside area. I think it would be increasingly difficult for me to look after it even with some extra home help.

Why can’t I just organise everything myself? The two weeks away from home were good for me. I discussed with my son and his friendly neighbour that it would be good for me to join a SENIOR’S CITIZENS CLUB that organises outings and trips to holiday destinations. But since we are not out of the woods yet with COVID 19 maybe this is not such a good idea. Should I just stay as much as possible totally on my own?

What can I still do? I can still shower and dress myself, even if it takes a long time. I can still go for slow walks with my rollator. I have often trouble with my eyesight. However, I can still do some things on the computer and I enjoy some TV programs and listening to music. When I can get hold of a shopping trolley, I can still do my own shopping. I love cooking (mainly vegetarian meals), I have a good appetite and I do not mind doing the dishes. I definitely can do the dishes. I can do my personal washing. The home help on Thursdays hangs out the bigger washing for me and does a lot of the cleaning and sometimes drives me to the shops.

Recently some friends gave me a lift to go to Mass. But I have not contacted them yet since my return from Victoria. A while ago I took up joining my friends again for our Friday afternoon games: Scrabble and Rummy Cub. Well, of course for the last two weeks I was away, and this week on GGOD FRIDAY there won’t be any games.

For the next few days I’ll be sitting as much as possible outside to enjoy some sun, and maybe I can do a bit of walking too with my rollator. If I get sick of being by myself for every meal, I can walk with my rollator across the road to the bowling Club for some lunch. I do like their prawn cutlets.

Benalla Art Gallery

Thursday, 25th of March 2021

Today, Martin and I visited the Benalla Art Gallery, and we had lunch at the Gallery Cafe, the same one where we had lunch with the family in June 2017. I copied here, what I wrote in 2017:

To be writing regularly, oh, I find it is not so easy to get around to it at all times. I always intend to write, write, write. I seem to have lots of things to write about in my head but somehow before I have a chance to write it down, it is gone again. Maybe I should at least take some notes, that is, get into the habit to write some notes down. Maybe, what is a bit of a diary to me, is, when I take some pictures of persons and places. Looking at the pictures, it is easier to remember some of the things in my life.

Recently we have been visiting Benalla in Victoria. Unfortunately, because of bad eyesight, I cannot drive anymore. So Peter had to drive to Benalla and back all by himself. We were driving to Benalla to visit our son Martin and to see his new place. Door to door it was about 600 km only, whereas when the son lived in Melbourne (Essendon) the distance was about 800 km.

Since we are in the midst of winter now here in Australia, daylight hours are only about for ten hours, namely from ca. 7 am to 5 pm. Well, Peter had no problem driving the distance within daylight hours. However, I suggested that on the way back we could stay in a motel in Holbrook for one night to interrupt the journey, and that would give us the chance to look around a bit and familiarize us again with some things in the area. But oh no, Peter insisted on driving straight home. I like to call it ‘homeritis’!

On our last day in Benalla, a Saturday, all of us went for lunch to the Art Gallery Cafe. We were very happy that our Grandson and his wife and two daughters could meet us there.

DSCN2952 — Here grandson Tristan arrives with his family to meet all of us.

DSCN2949 — Son Martin having a rest in the park.

Son Martin took these pictures of Peter and me on the terrace of the Cafe.

It was a bit too cold to sit out there. It was better to have lunch inside.

Here is some of the food that we had.

After lunch we had a look at some of the pictures in the Art Gallery.

It was lovely to see great-granddaughters Kia and Jaki again as well as Tris and Steph. And now I include some more pictures from another park nearby that we took on another day.