Uta’s Diary, 2nd of September 2015

https://auntyuta.com/2015/09/02/utas-diary-2nd-of-september-2015/

A bit over four years ago I published the above post. There are some pictures in it reminding me of Gaby’s birthday and some family visits, when Lucas was 3 and Alexander barely one.

And then I included some pictures of my parents: One of my father with Gaby, when Gaby was just six months old. We lived at the time at my father’s place in Düsseldorf. My father was very fond of the baby and straight away when he came home from his office he would go to pick up Gaby for a while to talk to her.

There is also a picture of my mother with Gaby when Gaby was nearly one year old. We were in Berlin for a visit at the time. The picture was taken at my mum’s balcony. I inserted these two pictures of my parents because I had been thinking how very different from each other my parents had actually been. Reading what I wrote about it some four years ago, did bring back quite a lot of memories for me. These memories are still very strong memories. I find it interesting to reflect on all this and copy here what I wrote in September 2015:

“The older I get the more I seem to reflect on times past. I often felt very much out of place as a young person. Also I tended to be “zurückhaltend”, that is I was usually more the listener and observer and did not show a great deal of affection and emotion. On the other hand, I also remember times when I felt free and communicative and very talkative.

When I think of my parents, the most remarkable memory about them is, how very different they were. Here is a bit of how my father may have influenced me, and then how my mother’s influence was so very different.

My father was the most open minded and tolerant person. He liked to talk to me about a lot of things. He always treated me as though I was trustworthy and mature for my age, able to understand different points of view. Very rarely did I see him being angry with me. He only tended to be somewhat angry when, all of a sudden, I behaved in a very unpredictable way. Despite his open mindedness he was basically a very conservative man. If I showed signs of departing from his view of the world, this would upset him personally. Still, he was loving and forgiving, and eventually he was always able to accept my departure from some of his conservative views.

Now, my mother was in every way the opposite of my father. On the whole she was maybe rather tolerant as far as I was concerned because she loved me. But she made it very clear, that she did not love my father anymore. She showed not the least bit of tolerance towards him, on the contrary, she showed a lot of hatred, for in her opinion he was a “Versager” who did not do anything for his children. She thought it was not up to her to look after him when he had serious health issues. Maybe she thought he was just pretending. Also, she hardly ever talked to me about things that were important to me. She tended to keep very important things from me, for she wanted ‘to protect’ me! At least, this is how I remember it. I knew she loved me very much. Still, I always felt I was not the daughter she imagined I should be. I remember she telling me, I was an “Oppositionsgeist”. So I must have been speaking up about some things that disturbed me a great deal. I felt very bad for opposing her, but I could not help it. Of course, on the outside I tried very hard to go along with what she expected of me, just to keep the peace. Alas, I think I came into inner conflict about it. In short, I often did not feel happy about myself.”

I ask myself now, how come, when I felt very much loved by both parents, I still did not feel very happy in myself a lot of the time? I think I felt torn between my parents . . . .

But ging back to that diary from the 2nd of September 2015 I wrote that we had cake on that Sunday afternoon when we had family visits. One of the cakes was a freshly baked cheesecake. Peter baked it! Here it is still in the oven:

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And I wrote: The following Sunday, which is Fathers’ Day here in Australia, we are all going to meet for lunch at a Thai Restaurant. So, this was four years ago!

Fathers Day in Australia is always on the first Sunday of September.

Fifteen Months ago

Fifteen Months ago? Was it only fifteen months ago when I published the following? Indeed, I found that I published the following on the 18th of March 2018.

I did write, that we left Benalla on Monday on the night train from Melbourne, arriving Tuesday morning back home (that would probably have been around 7am.)  At 9 am on that day we left again for my doctor’s appointment in Wollongong, going to Wollongong by bus. We both felt rather tired after having spent a night sitting up on the train!

I remember very well how awfully tired we both felt on that morning after having been sitting up on the night train . The Melbourne night train would have arrived in Benalla some time after 11pm. At around 5am we would have had to get off the train to go on the railway bus that goes down MacQuarie Pass towards Albion Park, Dapto, Wollongong. So this bus is a good connection to Dapto where we live. Only on that morning we had to leave again soon after we had arrived home. This was really terrible. We said then, we would not go on the night train again: The next time we would be catching the day train! Very conveniently there is also a day train from Melbourne that stops in Benalla at a convenient time, and then the railway bus takes us, not too late in the evening, from Moss Vale to Dapto!

“The XPT service runs two return trips each day between Melbourne and Sydney, making scheduledstops at Broadmeadows, Seymour, Benalla, Wangaratta, Albury, Wagga Wagga, Junee, Cootamundra, Yass Junction, Goulburn, Moss Vale, Campbelltown and Strathfield with optional stops at Culcairn, Henty, The Rock, Harden and …”

https://www.rome2rio.com/trip/pnwrvcyo

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sydney%E2%80%93Melbourne_rail_corridor

So here now is the copy of my post from the 18th March, 2018:

“How to keep Track of Time? Yes, how do you do this? Eighty + years of impressions, incidents and experiences, having seen so many different places, having met so many different people. Does it all become a blur in the end?

For young people time often seems to drag on slowly, slowly. But ask any elderly person, the answer is, that time passes awfully quickly. What is a week? A week, well, a week just flies away. I try to recall what we did last week, two weeks ago, three weeks ago, four weeks ago. Four weeks ago? Is it four weeks ago that we stayed in Sydney for a few days for our daughter’s  wedding? Is it two weeks ago that we travelled to Benalla to stay there for a week with our son? What about doctor’s appointments? Did we have three different doctor’s appointments during the past week? Quite so. That is, I met another specialist for the first time last week, and Peter also met another specialist for the first time last week.  Peter also saw his GP, the one that he has been seeing for many years. He was the first one who explained to Peter that according to some test results a ‘tumor’ ought  to be investigated. Some 18 months later he looked at some other test results and concluded that there were some problems with his heart. And so it goes.

On one of Benalla’s Walking Tracks with son Martin

We left Benalla on Monday on the night train from Melbourne, arriving Tuesday morning back home. At 9 am on that day we left again for my doctor’s appointment in Wollongong, going to Wollongong by bus. We both felt rather tired after having spent a night sitting up on the train!

Anyway, the following day, Wednesday, Peter saw his GP who is now in Corrimal (not in Dapto anymore). I went along with Peter. The visit at the Corrimal Medical Centre was over quickly. So well before lunchtime Peter drove us to the Leisure Coast fruit shop in Fairy Meadow where we did some serious shopping.

Thursday would have been the day for my slow movement exercises here in Dapto. But I felt awfully tired and gave it a miss. I felt that it was really good for me not to have to do anything on that day! Peter however felt on that day well enough  to locally do a bit of shopping  to get the ingredients for a quark cheesecake. And in the afternoon he actually did bake this cake while I was resting in the bedroom. – This cake baking seems to have been a kind of relaxation for  him.

Friday morning Peter found the time to go through the whole house with the vacuum cleaner. Then he went off to Wollongong to see the surgeon who may do a heart bypass operation on him. It turned out,  before he is about to do this, Peter should go for some more scan tests!

I stayed home on Friday. After having done some wiping of the floors, I did get some lunch ready and I  also made preparations for my afternoon visitors. It was my turn to have the four ladies over for our Friday afternoon games of Scrabble and Rummy. Also on Friday, our daughter Monika dropped in at 5,30 after work. Talking to our daughter about a lot of things was a good finish of the day.

And yesterday, Saturday, was a very good day too: Our daughter Caroline and son-in-law Matthew came to visit!

Is it only two more weeks to Easter Sunday? So it is, and I am looking forward to some family visits at Easter time!”

Birthday Celebrations two Weeks before Christmas 2017

On Saturday, the 9th, it was Caroline’s, our youngest daughter’s, birthday. She and her partner gave us a special treat when they came to visit. They presented very fresh Steak Tartar. Everybody liked this:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steak_tartare

For Sunday, Peter had baked a hazelnut cake. It had been our daughter Monika’s birthday a few days earlier. So she and some of her family came to see us on Sunday afternoon for coffee and cake.

Two of our great-grandsons, Lucas and Alexander, were among the guests. The boys are three and five now. It was a pleasure to have them around, and I think they liked to spend a few hours at our place. Even though they had not been to visit for a while they could still remember a lot of things, for instance boxes with games and some children’s books. I think their favourite book right now is PUMUCKL, who is a ‘naughty’ goblin (kobold). They went through every page of the book to see where  PUMUCKL was and what he was up to.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pumuckl

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobold

They also went with their Dad and later with their Mum into our backyard, where they looked at a lot of the plants and also did some running around from one end to the other. I had great fun watching them! I showed them some ripe black berries which they were allowed to pick.There were many, many green tomatoes in all different sizes. One very nice firm tomato had already turned a lovely red and could be harvested.

In two weeks on Sunday the whole extended family is going to come to our place for some Christmas Eve celebrations. We are all looking forward to this.

Mothers’ Day Preperations

Peter baked an almond cake yesterday. This morning he filled it with a creamy custard and apricot jam. The cake is resting at the moment in our fridge. Later on Peter is going to add some almond flakes to the outside of the cake.

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This is an earlier photo of the cake in the fridge.

 

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Here is the cake with a bit more of the creamy custard added to it. Soon it is going to be covered with almond flakes!

 

While Peter was decorating the cake this morning, he also found time to do a yeast cake with buttery crumbles on top!

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We have finished our lunch and also done the dishes already. We had red cabbage, braised pumpkin pieces. potatoes and thick cut bacon chops with mustard. Delicious! Sorry, I did not take any pictures of our lunch.

We just found out that daughter Caroline is about to get ready to go on the train to come and visit us. So she as well as some other visitors are going to be here tomorrow for Mothers’ Day. In three more days is going to be Peter’s birthday. Of course we’ll be celebrating the birthday already tomorrow together with Mother’s Day. Peter’s sister Ilse, who lives in Berlin, is one year older than Peter. Her birthday is today. We hope we can congratulate her later on by doing some skyping with her. Ilse always points out that she is one year and three days older than Peter!

Uta’s Diary, 2nd of September 2015

Last Sunday turned out to be a lovely family day at our home. It was beautiful to be surrounded by children, grand-children, and great grand-children for a few hours in the afternoon.  Some almond-cake was left from Gaby’s birthday. There was also freshly baked cheese-cake. Peter had baked this cake!

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Our daughter Monika took a few pictures with her phone. On most pictures you can see either Lucas or Alex, Monika’s two little grandsons.
As promised, Monika let us have these pictures. So I am going to publish here some of them:

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The older I get the more I seem to reflect on times past. I often felt very much out of place as a young person. Also I tended to be “zurückhaltend”, that is I was usually more the listener and observer and did not show a great deal of affection and emotion. On the other hand, I also remember times when I felt free and communicative and very talkative.

When I think of my parents, the most remarkable memory about them is, how very different they were. Here is a bit of how my father may have influenced me, and then how my mother’s influence was so very different.

My father was the most open minded and tolerant person. He liked to talk to me about a lot of things. He always treated me as though I was trustworthy and mature for my age, able to understand different points of view. Very rarely did I see him being angry with me. He only tended to be somewhat angry when, all of a sudden, I behaved in a very unpredictable way. Despite his open mindedness he was basically a very conservative man. If I showed signs of departing from his view of the world, this would upset him personally. Still, he was loving and forgiving, and eventually he was always able to accept my departure from some of his conservative views.

Now, my mother was in every way the opposite of my father. On the whole she was maybe rather tolerant as far as I was concerned because she loved me. But she made it very clear, that she did not love my father anymore. She showed not the least bit of tolerance towards him, on the contrary, she showed a lot of hatred, for in her opinion he was a “Versager” who did not do anything for his children. She thought it was not up to her to look after him when he had serious health issues. Maybe she thought he was just pretending. Also, she hardly ever talked to me about things that were important to me. She tended to keep very important things from me, for she wanted ‘to protect’ me! At least, this is how I remember it. I knew she loved me very much. Still, I always felt I was not the daughter she imagined I should be. I remember she telling me, I was an “Oppositionsgeist”. So I must have been speaking up about some things that disturbed me a great deal. I felt very bad for opposing her, but I could not help it. Of course, on the outside I tried very hard to go along with what she expected of me, just to keep the peace. Alas, I think I came into inner conflict about it. In short, I often did not feel happy about myself.

But all this is in the past. Peter suggested, I could insert a few photos with my father and mother and Baby Gaby in 1958.

my Father with Gaby in February 1958
my Father with Gaby in February 1958
My Mother with Gaby in August 1958
My Mother with Gaby in August 1958
My Father in his Office ca. 1955
My Father in his Office ca. 1955

Last Sunday was a great day for us. The following Sunday, which is Fathers’ Day here in Australia, we are all going to meet for lunch at a Thai Restaurant.

Face the World with a peaceful Mind . . .

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A Visitor on our Back-Fence

Face the World with a peaceful Mind . . .
The continuation of this verse you can find here:

https://auntyuta.com/2012/08/23/about-mindfulness/#comments

I published this blog three years ago about a month after the death of our daughter Gabriele.

In response to a comment I wrote:

“These verses helped me to feel more grounded. I could have gone the other way, having been hit with so many disconcerting things during the last few days in connection with the estate of our deceased daughter. So it was wonderful to come across these pics just when I needed them. I decided then on the spur of the moment to share them in my blog. The pics were taken at the beginning of the month when we stopped at the Nan Tien Temple after having picked up our daughter Caroline from a train station. The surroundings of the temple always make us feel good.”

. . . . . .

Monday, 10th of August, 2015

We just booked another trip to Berlin for a family reunion, meaning in ten months we are going to be in Berlin with a lot of family members. We are already very excited about this!

The other day we booked a train-trip to Melbourne and return to Dapto. This means, this coming Friday we are going to take the day- train to Melbourne, where we are going to stay with our son Martin. On Monday we travel back home on the Sydney night-train. We are getting off at Moss Vale. From Moss Vale there is a railway bus that takes us down Macquarie Pass to our home-town, Dapto, where we arrive early on Tuesday morning

We are thinking of visiting the Nan Tien Temple some time after our return from Melbourne. We have not been at the temple for quite some time and are very much looking forward to experiencing again its calm and peaceful surroundings.

. . . .   . .

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.Every day we eat a few cherries, usually with yoghurt or ice-cream or custard.

.

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We can pick parsley like this  close by near a lane
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This is a gift a neighbour gave me out of her garden.

DIGITAL CAMERAView from our kitchen

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