Memories from 1974 (reblogged)

The ramp leads up to our kitchen door. Gaby in her wheelchair at age 16 1/2. From left to right: Her Papa, Brother, Mama and Sister.

The other day I came across some notes I made about some conversations in our family towards the end of summer of 1974 when Gaby was sixteen, Monika fifteen, Martin close to fourteen, Peter close to thirty-nine and I also thirty-nine.

ONE AFTERNOON IN FEBRUARY 1974

Gaby, my daughter, sits in her wheelchair in the kitchen close to the open door. Peter, her father, helps her to sort out her record-club order.

I am outside close to the open door. I am stretched out on the lawn under a large umbrella, taking notes of the following conversation.

Gaby: I should’ve written on that form ‘please hurry’. Gee, I’m glad I’m going to get that record at last. Will you put all this away now, please?

Peter: Wie, das willste auch aufheben? Das ist doch nur Reklame, Menschenskind!
What, you’re going to keep that too? These are only adds, for heaven’s sake!

Gaby: I keep everything from the record-club.

Peter: So, wo kommt das hin? So, where does this go?

Gaby: Right at the back of the folder. It’s nice paper, isn’t it?

Peter: Nee.

Gaby: That’s the second record I’ve ordered. Are they going to send me a receipt?

Peter: No, das ist covered. The balance is going to show it. Kommt das hier rin?

Gaby: No, it goes into the blue folder.

Son Martin comes up the ramp. He carries his school-case., greets me with ‘Hi, Mum’, enters the house. A little later daughter Monika follows, also with school- case and saying ‘Hi, Mum!’ I say ‘Hi, Martin! Hi, Monika!’ As Martin enters the
house, Peter and Gaby are still deep in conversation.

Peter: Martin, was sagt man denn, wenn man hier hereinkommt? — Good-day!
What do you say when you come in here? — Good-day!

Martin: You were talking.

Monika says ‘Hi’ as she enters. And Peter says: ‘Hallo, Monika!’

A bit later Peter and Martin talk with Gaby about her school-certificate.

Martin: That bit of scrap-paper, is that all you’ve got?

Peter: Mehr braucht se doch nicht. Das ist das certificate.
She doesn’t need anything else. This is the certificate.

Martin: Actually you shouldn’t have passed since you didn’t work right through
the year.

Peter: Hat se gut gearbeitet, hat se auch bestanden.
Oh, she worked well, that’s how she passed.

Martin: But she didn’t arbeite gut. She didn’t work well.

Peter: Nun lass man gut sein. Sie hat schon gut gearbeitet.
Now leave her alone. She did work quite well.

A bit later

Monika: Gee, it’s hot! Pat and Donna are coming in a minute. They want a lift over to
Warilla Grove. Who’s going to take us to Warilla Grove? It’s late already, you
know?

(calling from outside)
Uta: Papa’s going to take you!

Monika: Better hurry up!

Gaby: Papa, don’t forget to mail my record-order! The letter-box gets emptied soon!

Peter: Wann musst Du auf der Arbeit sein, Monika?
When do you have to be at work, Monika?

Monika: We have to leave within the next five or ten minutes.

Peter: Ich fahre erst tanken. I go to get some petrol first.

Peter leaves in a hurry.

Pat and Donna come up the ramp. Monika greets them and goes inside with them.

I hear a terrible noise from the neighbours’ backyard: One of their sons goes on his mini-bike round and round in the backyard.

A bit later Wayne comes up the ramp. He carries a beach-towel.

Uta: Hi, Wayne! Do you want to go to the pool with Martin?

Waine: Yeah.

Uta: Best thing you can do in this weather!

Waine: Yeah.

Wayne enters the house. Peter returns from getting petrol. Soon after he leaves with Monika, Pat and Donna in the car. (At Warilla Grove Monika is going to get some training at the Woolworths cash register.)

Martin and Wayne leave for the pool. The mini-bike has stopped making
noise. I enter the house.

Gaby: Heh, Mama, you have to buy some food today, don’t you?

Uta: That’s right.

Gaby: When are you going?

Uta: Later.

Gaby: Better go before five thirty.

Uta: Yes, I’ll do that.

Gaby: How much money have you got?

Uta: I don’t know.

(A bit later.)

Gaby: Mama, can you move my left foot? (I do it.)
Can I go on the Pfanne when Papa gets back?

Uta: Yes, sure.

(She means when Peter gets back, she wants him to lie her on her bed, so that I can put her on her bed-pan.)

Gaby: Can I have a Vitamin C tablet?

I give her one. There’s some more noise from the mini-bike. Peter
returns.

Peter: I just remembered, I forgot to post your letter.

Gaby: God, how could you forget! — Can you post the letter, Mama? You have to go now because the letter-box gets emptied soon.

Peter: Mensch, ist mir warm! My goodness, I feel so hot and sweaty!

Uta: Willst Du nicht zum Pool gehen? Martin ist mit Wayne zum Pool
gegangen. Wouldn’t you like to go to the swimming pool? Martin did go
to the pool with Waine.

Peter: Ich bin schon ewig nicht am Pool gewesen. It’s been ages since I went
to the pool.

Uta: Ein bisschen Schwimmen würde Dir gut tun. A bit of swimming would be
good for you!

Apparently Gaby wants her letter posted before she goes to the toilet.
I get ready to post the letter and do some shopping. The mini-bike makes
an awful lot of noise again.

Interviews for Oral History

The back of our home where we had morning tea with Frances

Our daughter Monika said the other day: ‘I knew, Mum, that you’d like Frances.’ She wasn’t surprised at all that I very much loved having her around. Peter and I were always very much looking forward seeing her here at our home. This was some weeks ago. Very soon now we should get the result of these recording sessions with Frances.

I think Frances saw our daughter Gaby just a few days before Gaby died. Sadly the planned interview with Gaby could not take place at the time. There was some difficulty with incoming calls Gaby was expecting that day. Apparently Gaby was reluctant to switch off her mobile phone!

Gaby’s passing must have been a shock to Frances as it was to all of us. Frances had already been looking with Gaby at some of her documents. She was aware how Gaby caught polio at age four, and that she had lived as a quadriplegic with breathing difficulties for over fifty years. After Gaby’s passing she was keen to interview someone of Gaby’s family.

Frances found out from daughter Monika that we, Gaby’s parents, had gone overseas soon after Gaby’s death and wouldn’t be back for quite some time. In the meantime Frances started interviewing Monika. This is how Monika did get to know Frances. Monika agreed to be interviewed about her life in connection with Gaby. So Frances recorded twice one hour with Monika. Some time later, after our return from our long overseas trip, Peter’s and my tale was recorded too. Peter’s took eight times one hour, mine seven times one hour.

Coming Home from Sydney

For part of the way the ocean can be seen from the train. This is going home in the late afternoon after having spent some time in Sydney. These train-trips are rather exciting because it’s such a beautiful scenery.

Pack’ die Badehose ein . . .

Pethan35's Blog

Paul hatte es satt immer wieder von Eva, seiner Frau, gedrängelt zu werden zum Schwimmbad zu gehen. Es war ein herrlicher morgen und die spät-sommerliche Sonne schien von einem wolkenlosen, australischen Himmel herunter. Wer weiß, wie lange der Sommer noch anhalten wird. Zum Glück war es nicht mehr zu heiß. Aber das war ja nie das Problem. Paul fror immer leicht und die leiseste Brise erlaubte es ihm eine freundliche Einladung abzulehnen. Da half kein Bitten und Betteln. Er blieb stur. Aber an diesem Morgen hatte Eva ihn beim Zeitungsholen begleitet und plötzlich sagte sie:

„Ich bin mit dir mitgegangen und nun kannst du auch mal mit mir zum Pool mitgehen. Wer weiß wie lange das schöne Wetter noch anhalten wird. Wenn erst der kalte Süd-West Wind weht kommst du doch nicht mehr aus dem Haus.“

Und das war es dann. Paul hatte keine Lust zu argumentieren. Dafür war der…

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On the Way to Sydney

We traveled by train to Sydney last Wednesday and last Thursday. The picture at the top is actually one of the last pictures I took from the train on the way back home on Thursday. On Wednesday Peter had a dental appointment and I had a tooth out that gave me a lot of trouble. Thursday we went to Sydney again and I received my newly fitted dentures. I was glad then that everything was all right.

Still took it a bit easy over the weekend. Friday afternoon I played Scrabble and Rummycub with my friends as planned. Saturday morning was such a beautiful warm morning that Peter and I decided to pay the Dapto pool a visit. We didn’t regret it because the water was absolutely marvelous. Even though I had a bit of pain in my right leg, I still enjoyed some gentle exercises in the water.

A few hours later on Saturday unfortunately the pain did get really bad. Then with a lot of rest it got a bit better on Sunday. I felt I had to see the doctor on Monday morning to find out what was wrong with me. So I did go and saw the doctor this morning. He sent me to have a blood-test done. I am to go back in one week to find out the result of the blood-test.

The doctor asked me whether I had done too heavy work recently. I mentioned that last Monday we had gone back to the house where our deceased daughter had lived and which was being cleaned out. But I didn’t really have to do very much.

What else did we do last week? Well, I didn’t mention that on Wednesday we left very early in the morning to go to our friend’s place who had invited us for lunch. She went all the way to spoil us to bits! No wonder I felt so comfortable at her place that I didn’t feel like going to see the dentist. I told her, I’d rather stay at her lovely place a bit longer. Still we had to catch the bus in time for our appointments. When we did get home in the evening we had been out and about for eleven hours! Really a rather long day for us.

Our welcome drink - (non alcoholic) — Our welcome drink – (non alcoholic)

Dapto Heated Pool

pictures from the pool

Peter and I went to the pool this morning. There was sunshine, hardly any breeze, and the water was beautiful!

At the entrance to the pool Peter noticed this sign that children of a certain age had to be accompanied by a responsible adult. This made Peter think back to his childhood days when he would as a six year old wander off unaccompanied to a pool some distance away from home. Well, this would have been more than seventy years ago. How times have changed!

Exhaustion – Sleepiness – Stamina

I wished I had more stamina!

I get tired so easily. And at times I do get very exhausted, physically as well as mentally. Very often some kind of sleepiness overcomes me during the day because of it. If I have then the chance for a little nap, that’s wonderful!

Sometimes I feel so exhausted that I go to bed much too early in the evening, waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep!

My observation is that my husband has a lot more stamina than I have. His sleeping pattern differs too: He usually sleeps for between seven to eight hours, whereas I sleep usually for only six hours, sometimes even a bit less than this.

Maybe we should have separate bedrooms so I won’t disturb him when I wake up early!

Merrylands West/Parramatta

After having been to the house on Friday, Peter and I went there again on Monday. David’s family had gone to the house once more on Sunday. So there wasn’t much to do for us anymore when we appeared on Monday. But it was a trip that went for well over 200 km because we also traveled to Parramatta to take some equipment to a health support department who had looked after Gaby. We thought it was only right to return the equipment which they usually pick up themselves. However it had been left in the house for all these months since Gaby died. So it was about time that we returned it. There’s still Gaby’s hoist left in the house. Before the renovators attack the building the health support people are going to contact the owners, the Department of Housing. Thereafter they may arrange that Gaby’s hoist, that’s still attached to the ceiling of her bedroom, can be dismantled. We told them, the house is empty now. Nobody lives there anymore.

Most of the stuff, that was still lying around on Monday, Peter could get rid of at a local opportunity shop. He had to travel there several times because we have only a small car. I occupied myself taking photos and sorting out a few things. For lunch we went to Central Park just around the corner. We have beautiful memories of this park from times long gone. We spent time there with Gaby and David and the whole family for picnics on special occasions. Gaby was even allowed to take her companion dog into the park!

Yesterday, Monday, we did get caught in the traffic. Leaving our place at 8,30 in the morning, we came to a snail’s pace after about an hour. The delay was caused by a minor traffic accident in a suburb where all the major traffic has to pass through. We were delayed by close to 30 minutes. Driving home soon after 2,30 in the afternoon we had again a bit of a delay but in a totally different suburb: One lane had been closed off because of some road work. There were quite a few workers around seemingly very eagerly doing their job. From where we live it takes us around 90 minutes to get to the Western suburbs of Sydney, but only on days when the traffic goes smoothly. Yesterday we had a two hour trip there and also a two hour trip back. By 4,30 we were back home. It felt really good to be back after having been away for eight hours!

When we had been meeting Gaby in Merrylands or Parramatta, this had meant usually a nine hour trip for us: Three hours each way by train, and seeing Gaby for about three hours. We were usually quite exhausted after a trip like this even though we could do a bit of napping on the train. Peter wrote about it here.

Last Friday, when we drove to Merrylands West together with our daughter Monika, Peter had to drive through pouring rain. On top of it there was for a short distance a bit of fog. Despite his deteriorating eye-sight, Peter managed the driving through rain and fog surprisingly well. But night-time driving he tries to avoid these days. We hardly ever go out at night-time anymore.

It practically rained all day on Friday. Still, we managed to do whatever we had to do on Friday. Yesterday, Monday, we were lucky: It didn’t rain at all.

Over the weekend we had lovely visitors: Saturday afternoon one of our grandsons did bring his family along. Baby Lucas has grown a real lot. On Sunday our youngest daughter came by train from Sydney and spent the day with us. She came on her own because Matthew had to work. We hadn’t seen them yet since they had arrived back from their holiday trip to Singapore. Caroline showed us heaps of photos they took during their one week stay in Singapore. The pictures showed us that they must have had a really good time.

Tomorrow, Wednesday, we’re off by train to the inner city of Sydney to meet a friend and to see our dentist in the afternoon.

David’s brothers and nephew did a great job carting the more bulky pieces away to the rubbish tip. They had to do this several times. On Sunday David’s sisters did go to the house as well clearing heaps of stuff away. Monika, Peter and I had our hands full too for a lot of the time on that Friday. A friend of Gaby’s turned up in the afternoon. He’s a very cheerful fellow. All of us had a good time resonating about past memories of the house with Gaby and friends.

Our visitors on the following day: 2nd March. Autumn had arrived with cooler weather.

7 months old Lucas with Peter, his great-granddad

This grows at the back of our house. Birds love it!

He's looking for something to eat — He’s looking for something to eat

The Villa in Merrylands West

Here in Australia a house in a complex of free standing houses is called a villa. Gaby and David lived in such a villa for twenty-three years. Gaby and David each had their own bedroom plus a spare bedroom which visitors could make use of. In the early days Peter and I would sometimes stay overnight at their place. Later on this was not possible any more, because the room was being used very much as a store-room.

The whole complex of houses belongs to the Department of Housing. Gaby and David each paid some rent rent for it which was minimal. During the last year of Gaby’s life there had been talk by the Department that Gaby should be given another place because her place needed some major renovations. They offered a new place suitable for wheelchairs could be built for her. Several locations close by had already been considered. But it didn’t come yet to the actual planning stage. Gaby was just living in hope all the time that one day she could move to another brand new place. Only the question was, what would happen to David? Lots of people had been of the opinion for a long time that David actually needed nursing care himself. However I think David was a bit stubborn and didn’t want to hear of any changes.

Another serious problem was who would be willing to move in with Gaby as her constant in house carer? Gaby was in such a condition that she could not be left by herself in the house when she was asleep during the night. In an emergency she would be very helpless. There should be someone in the house she could call if she needed help. For a few hours in the morning as well as for a brief time in the afternoon and before going to bed Gaby would always have two outside carers who looked after all her personal needs. There always needed to be two because even with a hoist Gaby was difficult to be lifted and placed into her wheelchair. Gaby had also a cleaner coming in once a week and a cook at night-time. When David was still fit enough, he could do the house-work for her and he could take her out to different places. But these days were long gone. David’s health had deteriorated enormously over the years.

All of Gaby’s problems were resolved, when she ‘kicked the bucket’, I think the expression is, last year in July. David insisted on staying in the house on his own. How he managed to do this is a bit of a miracle. His problems were resolved too, when he collapsed around Christmastime unable to move. But he was able to call out and a neighbour heard him. He was admitted to hospital straight away. A few weeks later one of his legs had to be amputated below the knee. In the meantime he was placed in a nursing home. He seems to be feeling o.k. there. Maybe it finally dawned on him that he really cannot live on his own any more.

Two of his brothers and the son of one of the brothers of David turned up yesterday to clean out the villa. Peter, one of our daughters and I we helped with the discarding of things as well. But we could not finish it off yesterday. On Monday Peter and I are going back to help with what is left to be disposed.