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auntyuta Diary, Life in Australia, Old Age April 2, 2021 3 Minutes
We are in the midst of HOLY WEEK 2021. So tomorrow is GOOD FRIDAY, a holiday. Sitting in front of my house in the early morning sun – this is what I am looking forward to for tomorrow.
I am not looking forward to asking someone for a lift to the MEDICAL CENTRE. Do I really need a change of the dressing on my lower leg? We’ll see.
Sitting in the sun. This is all I am longing for . . . .
Last Sunday I returned from my two weeks holiday at my son’s place in Victoria. With the help of one daughter and one granddaughter I was able to go to the MEDICAL CENTRE on Monday and on Wednesday. I was able to use the ROLLATOR, which was really a great help. Right now, I do not feel confident to walk with my walking stick!
And anyway, I get some more visitors on EASTER SUNDAY. This is in only two more days!
I wonder whether I can adjust to be living totally on my own. My brother reckons, I sound alert on the phone, Then what about my mobility? Has it become better or worse? I would say unfortunately at present it is a lot of the time quite bad. But maybe this has to do with this terrible infection I had in my leg. And this infection may also have to do with my constant tiredness.
Yes, always feeling tired. However when my brother rang from Berlin, my tiredness soon became less and less. After a while it felt good talking to him and his wife.
I like living in my own home. Every Thursday I get two hours home help. There are a lot of plans, that I should get some more help in. Strangely, this makes me feel even more dependent!
Is this kind of dependency really better than living in an AGE CARE HOME? Living in such a home, how would that make me feel?
Maybe I should look into some kind of HOSTEL type accommodation? What a HOSTEL is like, I described in a blog I wrote many years ago.
I had a friend, who lived in a HOSTEL for many years. She died before she needed to be transferred to a NURSING HOME. I think, she was very lucky in this regard. She was 93 when she died.
Well, this was 17 years ago. Maybe what used to be called HOSTEL is now being called AGE CARE HOME. Why then do I have such a horror of ending up in an AGE CARE HOME?
It was acknowledged some time ago. that the house I live in needs a lot of changes and renovations, especially the outside area. I think it would be increasingly difficult for me to look after it even with some extra home help.
Why can’t I just organise everything myself? The two weeks away from home were good for me. I discussed with my son and his friendly neighbour that it would be good for me to join a SENIOR’S CITIZENS CLUB that organises outings and trips to holiday destinations. But since we are not out of the woods yet with COVID 19 maybe this is not such a good idea. Should I just stay as much as possible totally on my own?
What can I still do? I can still shower and dress myself, even if it takes a long time. I can still go for slow walks with my rollator. I have often trouble with my eyesight. However, I can still do some things on the computer and I enjoy some TV programs and listening to music. When I can get hold of a shopping trolley, I can still do my own shopping. I love cooking (mainly vegetarian meals), I have a good appetite and I do not mind doing the dishes. I definitely can do the dishes. I can do my personal washing. The home help on Thursdays hangs out the bigger washing for me and does a lot of the cleaning and sometimes drives me to the shops.
Recently some friends gave me a lift to go to Mass. But I have not contacted them yet since my return from Victoria. A while ago I took up joining my friends again for our Friday afternoon games: Scrabble and Rummy Cub. Well, of course for the last two weeks I was away, and this week on GGOD FRIDAY there won’t be any games.
For the next few days I’ll be sitting as much as possible outside to enjoy some sun, and maybe I can do a bit of walking too with my rollator. If I get sick of being by myself for every meal, I can walk with my rollator across the road to the bowling Club for some lunch. I do like their prawn cutlets!
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Auntie, Sister. Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, Mother and Wife of German Descent I’ve lived in Australia since 1959 together with my husband Peter. We have four children, eight grandchildren and six great-grandchildren. I started blogging because I wanted to publish some of my childhood memories. I am blogging now also some of my other memories. I like to publish some photos too as well as a little bit of a diary from the present time. Occasionally I publish a story with a bit of fiction in it. Peter, my husband, did publish some of his stories under berlioz1935.wordpress.com View all posts by auntyuta
PublishedApril 2, 2021
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catterel EditDear Uta, you are making a huge adjustment in your lufe, and at a time of the year when we all tend to feel a bit pessimistic. You seem to be coping very well under the citcumstances, and as you go through the various stages of grief. What is important in life is to have someone to love and a reason for living – a sense of purpose. From my personal observation of residents in Old People’s Homes, when these were missing the people gave up and died. You have a loving family and friends even if you can’t visit. But I think you are very capable on the computer and can skype or facetime or zoom with your loved ones. You also seem to me to be an optimistic and cheerful person at heart. So much of your life centred on Peter in the last years and it must be very difficult to fill the void left by his passing, but if see this as a challenge I am sure you will eventually find a really worthwhile cause to devote your energies to. And do let others pamper and spoil you when they want to – it helps them to feel good, too. A big hug to you my friend.Reply
auntyuta EditThanks for your big hug, dear Cat. You are right, probably I am a cheerful and optimistic person at heart. There are lots of things I can still enjoy. I just cannot cope with all the dreary stuff. I need someone, who can sort all this out for me. All my children tried to do their best for me. But it is too much for them too. Owning a house that has been not exactly well looked after for a number of years, involves so much work that I am not suited for. Renting a well looked after and maybe somewhat smaller place might perhaps be better for me if there is nobody who can actually live with me in my house. I am the sole owner of the house now, but it is only a headache for me. On the other hand I do love the surroundings of the house, close to nature!I feel a bit like I live in wartime again, wartime when actually most things are put on hold. But somehow it does not make sense to me, since there are a lot of people being newly unemployed because of the virus and some businesses being made redundant, but when it comes to reliable trades people, you can count yourself very lucky indeed to find good, reliable people that work for a reasonable price. Where on earth do I find reliable people like that who do not overcharge? I have no idea. I do need help with that, but so far nobody has come up with any real help. I hate myself for not being able to do a bit more, and then it is hinted, I could perhaps do more if only I put my mind to it.At 86 I feel I am definitely quite close to the end of my life. So really, do I now have to learn to cope with all this stuff that I never in my whole life needed to do before? This computerised world is not my world. A rich person would just employ somebody for doing all these administrative jobs. Maybe I should be such a rich person – Ha, ha!!Thanks again for your lovely hug, dear Cat, and for your very thoughtful and compassionate comment! Wishing you a very HAPPY EASTER with all your loved ones!Reply
doesitevenmatter3 EditBeautiful photo of the sun shining down in your yard…and in your life!auntyuta EditHappy Easter to you and your family too, dear Carolyn. doesitevenmatter3 EditIt’s nice to have a spot to commune with the sun. Even my little Cooper likes to go outside and lay in the morning sun. 
gerard oosterman EditYou are doing very well, Uta. You had a lifetime with Peter and it takes a brave person to not feel deserted and alone now that he is gone. Grieving takes time and holidays and week-ends are especially hard at times. You just wrote another very good article, straight from the heart. You have a large extended family who love you and care about you. The familiar noises that used to be in your house when you were with Peter are now missing and that silence iisn’t easy to get used to. What was once is now gone and I know too, it is so achingly permanent. When Helvi passed away I applied to social services for a grief counselor and that helped me a lot. Someone to talk to.auntyuta EditGerard, I just read you comment again. You say that it helped you to have someone to talk to. This makes a lot of sense to me. It seems to me too that it is very important to have someone to talk to. It makes me think that maybe having Summah to talk to now, makes a lot of difference to me, for I see Summah twice a week, She stays only for one hour each time, and for most of that hour she does some work in the home or in the garden. But somehow she always manages to spare a bit of time for a little chat. And these chats are not just about my life but about her life too. This makes me feel like she is interested in me as a friend.Replyauntyuta EditYes, Gerard, I know I am lucky to have an enlarged extended family who love me and care about me. However, I think you’re right in pointing out that grief counselling can be a good thing. In the morning I have sunny spots in the common area in front of the house. Later in the day the sun is at the back of my house in my private backyard! I like to make use of the outdoors! 
J Taratuta EditOne day at a time, my dear. Hope you have a great Easter!ReplyMy Diary from April 2021
Everyone knew already in March 2020 that Peter’s cancer was well advanced. So, it was only a matter of time, when his bladder cancer would spread into other areas.
By June 2020 the head oncologist at the hospital advised Peter, to bring his affairs in order. It looked to him, that the cancer had already spread to his bones. A few months later a nuclear test was done, that showed without doubt that the cancer had well and truly spread to his bones, which meant then, that in all probability Peter would have only a very short time to live anymore. It was obvious, that he was in the last stages of cancer and so was in need of some palliative care. . . . Soon, it was organised to give him palliative care at home with adequate pain reducing medication administered by Hospital staff who came to our home…
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I have lots and lots of friends in the park. There are probably hundreds around close to my humble abode. I keep thinking I should really count all these friends and remember everyone’s pecularities. But so far I haven’t attempted yet to count them all. There is a cluster of them right between a few soccer fields. These are my special friends, and I know them pretty well. But I don’t really know exactly how many there are. I assume there would be at least one dozen, maybe more in that cluster.
What would I say to them, if I could talk to them? I might perhaps say the following: I love it, that you are there. I thank you for letting me hug you. I wish you a very, very long life. I love you so much!
Status: Open
Status last changed: 13 Jul 2021 9:16am
Location: Lakelands Drive, Dapto
This says, how I lived during the lockdown in 2021.
Today is Saturday. In two weeks it is going to be the first Saturday in October! First there are still a dozen days in September left.
At the beginning of November Caroline and Matthew may be able to finally visit me again! I have not seen them since the 16th of May, when we were celebrating Peter’s birthday. Four months have passed since then. For twelve weeks we have been now in lockdown. I had some renovations done to my place. These renovations started towards the end of may and were more or less finished by the time the lockdowns started towards the end of June. I am waiting now for Aaron to return to do some more work for me. Maybe some outside work is going to be allowed soon.
I have so many good memories about places that I visited together with Peter. Since Peter died nine months…
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} just did notice that in September 2021, that is last year, during the lockdown, i published about four Diary Posts. This one, that I reblog now, is the first of all these Diary Posts.
It is five o’clock in the morning. I keep telling myself, in a few weeks we are going to be in daylight saving time. If it was daylight saving already now, instead of five o’clock it would be already six o’clock! I reckon, six o’clock is a good time to start the day. So, I like pretending, that it is already six o’clock. I also like to pretend, there is somebody with me to start the day . . . .
Maybe, the best way to pretend is to be able to write. To write about how much I would like to have somebody with me continuously! Not that I do not like to do certain things on my own, like writing a bit of diary now. What I mean is, it would help enormously, if I knew there was somebody within reach at all times, and I do not…
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Wednesday, 3rd of August 2022
Magnificent Applause for what the Greens stand for at National Press Club Address.
https://www.thedoctorschannel.com/view/masturbation-with-dr-ruth-westheimer-3/
It seems that my bad experience with PIP is sadly typical, so I have decided to share it in more detail, partly in order to help me get my thoughts together for getting the DWP to reassess my claim but also because I hope that by sharing my experience it will put pressure on the Scottish Government, which is taking over PIP in Scotland and replacing it with Adult Disability Payment, to ensure that its new system makes more accurate, humane and sympathetic assessments which preserve the dignity of claimants and aid them instead of grinding them down and adding to the stress and exhaustion that living with a disability or chronic illness creates.
One of the lessons I have learned since my stroke is that while you can recover many of the functions and abilities that the stroke robbed you of, performing these tasks becomes far more time-consuming, exhausting…
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In lots of ways my life resembles now the life that our daughter Gaby lived. I think about it more and more, how she managed her life without being able to use any of her limbs.
The entrance to a hospital ward at the former Prince Henry Hospital. Little Bay, NSW
We were on the way to the funeral of a friend of ours. Someone had asked us to stop by the hospital were the friend spent the last weeks of his, in the end painful, life and pick up some of his possessions that were left behind. We had enough time on our hand and agreed to do it.
After parking the car we went up to the ward to see the matron. While my wife went with a nurse to a store room I was waiting near the sister’s desk. Nosy as I am, I looked around the ward.
To my surprise, I saw in a corner a “wooden tank”, which I knew had the function of an iron lung, such as our daughter used to spend her nights in while she was still alive. As I stepped…
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AuntyUta 