Uta’s Diary 14th of February 2023

Just now I had two small glasses of red wine.

Today, Valentine’s Day, I had already a cooked meal that lasted for breakfast and for lunch: There were three small beef rissoles, lots of different vegies, and for desert a banana, as well as green tea. and later some coffee.

For my evening meal tonight I cut up 3 slices of sour dough bread, and I sauted these little pieces of bread in some olive oil, and then dipped them in a bit of sugar: Delicious!

Today’s theme in the Bible Study Group was: RESPECT. 

Does respect need to be earned, or can you show some respect to everyone?

I have hearing and vision loss, also immobility because of arthritis as well as breathing problems, even though my lungs are okay!

Do I have to accept that an indepent life may end for me rather suddenly, because sooner or later I need someone to look after me? 

Or, despite all these disabilities, due to old age, can I still continue to live totally on my own, making all my own decisions, and can I so avoid interference from any of my children?

I do not want to have to fight with any of my children. But I do not want them to tell me, how I should live my life, namely that I should avoid any kind of risk taking. And that I should wish to live for as long as possible by accepting any sort of medical intervention just to keep me alive. What sort of quality of life what that be for me? I’d rather want to be dead!

I am grateful for my long life, that I’ve had. Actually, I still enjoy my life for as long as I can continue to make my own decisions, and live a healthy life without any sort of medical intervention to prolong my life.

If my daughter and granddaughter move in with me into my house, I want it to be understood, that at this stage of my life I am still capable of looking after myself. So, I don’t want them to think, they should be looking after me. Yes, I need some help with certain things, but that does not mean, they should tell me what to do and what not to do. They have to leave it up to me, what I decide to do, and refrain from, critisising me, when I do things that they do not approve of because they think I should not put myself into danger.

And when I indicate, I want to do certain things by myself on my own, even if it takes a long time. then they should not insist on doing this particular thing for me, just because I need a lot of time to do it. They should not forbid me to eat certain things, when my decision is, that I can eat whatever I want to eat, the same as when I was all by myself in the house with nobody setting any rules for me.

When my visitors can make some time for chatting sessions, perhaps with a cup of tea, this is of course welcome. Occasionally they might want to invite me for a meal that we can have sitting together at the dinner table. But I would normally try to use the kitchen to cook my own meals, whenever the kitchen is free for me to use. And I’ll aim to have the kitchen cleaned before I leave it for the next person to use.

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