Category: Memories

Wednesday, 7th of February. New Start of Stability Exercise Class

I am looking forward to start the Stability Exercise Class again. The class is at the CITOS club today at 10 AM. After the class we stay for coffee with a bit of nice talking.

I thought yesterday Dapto would have no electricity for most of the day. But the planned outing was cancelled. They are going to do it some other day. It has to do with mantaining the aging power lines.

My deck looks good at the moment for yesterday after the rain I busied myself with sone good sweeping away all that water. I love doing this. It is so relaxing! Of course I do it very slowly. I felt good staying on my own yesterday. Spending a lot of extra time in the kitchen as well as on the computer was good. So, so I managed to write several longer emails to keep in touch with some family members. Among other things a trip to Sydney visiting daughter Caroline and son-in-law Matthew might happen soon as well as a meeting with granddaughter Lauren and her friend Aaron. Actually, I received a very nice email from Lauren yesterday and answered it straight away. I haven’t seen dear Lauren for several years, but hope to meet up with her soon. It is not so easy to keep in touch when everyone is always very busy. There seem to be less and less old people left that I can keep in touch with on a regular basis. So, this is the way it is, that old retired people are getting less and less. Still, most of us do not pass away early. We live longer and longer than ever before.

It is so good to see the younger people being adventurous and keeping themselves very busy. I an happy to stand back now and do a lot of reflecting about old times. So far I still have great memories about my life. When I cannot remember something all that well anymore, I like to look up what I have written about certain incidents and may have published in WordPress. I look and look for a special blog. I seem to remember that I had published a blog with pictures about a lovely outing many years ago. So, why is this blog not there anymore? I take hours wanting to find it. But it is just not there anymore!

Tuesday, the 6th of February

Walking is so good for me!

I am happy that I managed to walk a lot these last few days, well whatever is a lot for me. On Sunday I had this walk to the pool and back. Yesterday, on Monday, I had my homehelp coming in the morning as is usual on any Monday that does not happen to be a Public Holoday. So I had dear Summah with me yesterday. I always enjoy her presence. She is such good company and does so much for me during the three hours she stays with me. Yesterday she dropped me off at 12,30 to get my hair done. I have a hairdresser’s appointment every four weeks now. It is so good to get my hair washed and blowdried by my marvellous hairdresser. Yesterday she did a bit of haircutting again too. Also, there is always a lot of talking going on at the hairdresser’s. I find it is good for me to find opportunities for some talking. So, my lovely hairdresser did a good job again. Her shop is not far away from the Shopping Center at the Dapto Mall. So I could easily walk to the Mall with my rollator to have some lunch at a cafe called the shed. The other day I had looked at a blog of mine that was about ten years old and where I mention a nice meal I had in Berry with Peter, my husband. We always loved a trip to Berry. As a meal that day we both happened to choose Eggs Benedict with lovely crusty rye bred. Yesterday at the shed I daringly went for Eggs Benedict in rememberace of that lovely meal at Berry. To my surprise I did get exceptionelly good Eggs Benedict served. They were as good as the ones that we had in Berry the way I remember it.

Yesterday was an extremely hot and humid day. So, I was happy to stay for many hours in and near the the Shopping Center, doing a lot of walking as well as a bit of shopping. After an exhausting day I took a taxi home. After a lot of sleep, I feel refreshed this morning.

Saturday, the 3rd of February

Here I go. How about writing a post every day? Yes, I want to give it a go. Wish me luck that I can keep it up!

Heute ist ein schöner Tag!

Today is a nice day!

I was sitting outside in a light breeze feeling very content and meditating to my heart’s content. I memorised some things out of different stages of my life. For instance I thought about it how different people may actually see me. I am sure there was a time when a lot of people, mainly women, thought that I was something like a sex-pot. Behind my back they would make snide remarks about me. Anyway, this is how I remember it, that indeed some good loyal friends sometimes opened up to me about it.

Do a lot of people still see me that way now that I am approaching 90? What do you think?

Funny enough I still love to read and talk about sex very openly! It seems to me a lot has changed in sexual matters, especially during the last 20 years or so. For instance, very decent people choose not to get married anymore to have a sexual relationship. Also, more and more committed relationships do not last for very long. A person may have multiple relationships during a lifetime. It is really quite unusual now that a marriage lasts a lifetime for the percentage of divorces is on a steady increase. Partly maybe it has to do with that the average lifespan is more and more on the increase.

And what do you think has women’s liberation to do with it?

And how does it affect the children? In Western society the birthrate is getting very low. Who has still a lot of children?

A painful Stay in Hospital in the Beginning of 2022

AuntyUta

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Uta’s December 2021 Diary continued

 auntyuta  Diary, Life in Australia, Old Age  December 22, 2021 1 Minute

In the meantime there has been the 4th Sunday of Advent, also the anniversary of Peter’s and mine 65th wedding in 1956! It was a very small wedding, only the two witnesses as guests! 

During the last few years there have been many weddings in our family here in Australia!  I am very proud of our family. I am already blessed with six great-grandchildren!  Also a seventh one born only some six months ago. This beautiful little great-grandson is daughter Caroline’s step grandson, that is Matthew, her husband, has a daughter, Alex, from his first marriage, who has a lovely baby boy son now! We have been to the wedding of Alex and Josh among many other weddings within our family. Two weddings took place only after the couple had lived together already for a number of years.

To be continued

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Uta’s December Diary 2017December 7, 2017In “Diary”

Uta’s DiaryMay 10, 2018In “Diary”

Uta’s Diary, Easter 2016March 28, 2016In “Diary”

Edit”Uta’s December 2021 Diary continued”

Published by auntyuta

Auntie, Sister. Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, Mother and Wife of German Descent I’ve lived in Australia since 1959 together with my husband Peter. We have four children, eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. I started blogging because I wanted to publish some of my childhood memories. I am blogging now also some of my other memories. I like to publish some photos too as well as a little bit of a diary from the present time. Occasionally I publish a story with a bit of fiction in it. Peter, my husband, is publishing some of his stories under berlioz1935.wordpress.com View all posts by auntyuta

PublishedDecember 22, 2021

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18 thoughts on “Uta’s December 2021 Diary continued”

  1. doesitevenmatter3EditWhat wonderful memories! I hope they keep you smiling! 
    (((HUGS))) 
    PS…my hubby and I celebrated 45 years recently! We met as teenagers. We were together/dating 3 years before we got married. And we were good friends 1 year before we started dating. So we’ve been together 49 years! 
    Reply
    1. auntyutaEditThat’s wonderful, Carolyn! Congratulations! HUGS, UtaReply
      1. doesitevenmatter3 EditThank you!
        Hope you are having a wonderful holiday season!
        (((HUGS))) 
  2. freefall852EditI trust you are keeping well, Uta and ready to step-up to the new year..I hope it is agood one for you and yours..as you say above…all the best..Cogito ergo sum..Cogito ergo sum ;
    “I think, therefore I am”…
    Can this be the sum of parts, the total the making of a man?
    Cogito ergo sum..I think..therefore I am?
    But what is it we think OF, that best explains WHO I am?
    Better perhaps to say; Memoro ergo sum;
    “I remember, therefore I am”.
    For it is memories of a lived life that more maketh a man.
    What are we without the sentiment of reminders,
    That places rich colours on the canvas?
    Like a watch-maker’s fidget wheels,
    Turning, turning, turning..in sweeping tireless whorls.
    Layer upon layer of the mechanics of a lived life,
    Jewels and teeth and precious times..and yes..strife..always strife,
    I cannot..will not deny to myself one treasured jot,
    Take the worst with the best…I’ll take the bloody lot!
    The unstoppable march of time doth come,
    When the ferryman of The Styx calls to claim his alms,
    I will welcome him to my house with a chant of psalms.
    My command of such memories maketh me more of a man.
    So . . .
    Memoro ergo sum,
    I remember, therefore I am…Reply
    1. auntyuta EditWishing you, dear Joe, and yours a very good new year!  Love, UtaReply
  3. doesitevenmatter3 EditHey, Uta! I just wanted to check in on you. How are you doing?
    I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and New Year’s! We did! 
    (((HUGS)))  Reply
  4. doesitevenmatter3 EditJust wondering how you are doing. I hope you are doing well.
    (((HUGS)))Reply
  5. gerard oostermanEditUta is in Hospital for a while and I spoke to her just once. Very hard to get though as Covid is overwhelming all hospitals and shortage of staff means the phones are busy. Visiting is not allowed. She has a broken wrist.Reply
    1. doesitevenmatter3 EditThank you, Gerard, for sharing this news of Uta. I’d been worrying about her.
      Let me know if you hear any more news as the days go by. I wish her smooth healing and safety.
      (((HUGS)))Reply
  6. doesitevenmatter3 EditOh, Uta! I’m so sorry to hear about your wrist and your hospitalization! I’ve been thinking about you, missing you around here, and worried about you.
    You have my best wishes, love, and prayers for healing.
    (((HUGS))) Reply
  7. gerard oostermanEditUta is still in hospital and is not allowed any visitors, not even on compassionate grounds. There is only limited telephone contact. Uta does not use an iPhone.
    She hopes to go home soon.Reply
    1. auntyutaEditAt the beginning of this month I demanded that they let me go home. The medical staff in the private hospital I was sent to for so called ‘rehab’ is totally overworked with an influx of very sick or even dying non-Covid patients. All the so called medical attention I was given was decided totally without my consultation. Never ever was I given an opportunity to talk to the doctor of my choice. Severe pain all over my body was caused by a severe outbreak of Edema that gradually spread all over my outside body parts. The Edama was caused by a prescibed medication for blood pressure. This was the only medical prescription I took at the time. My blood pressure seemed to have settled down beautifully for about two months. Then in the middle of December some slight pain started during mid December. On Christrmas Day, after a trip to my son’s place in Benalla, Victoria, in his car and also with his beautiful dog in the car, I started experiencing quite severe pain. My legs became extremely weak. Trying to get up from my bed the next morning, my legs could not support me. I fell immediately back onto the bed and I was trying to support myself with my right hand. Little did I know that this was the wrong thing to do. After an increase in pain near the wrist it was discovered some two weeks later in Wollongong Public Hospital, NSW, that I had actually a tiny fracture near my wrist. They then put a cast on my right arm right up onto my elbow. With still a lot of painful swelling in my arm from this Edema outbreak, the pain in my arm with this horrible cast on increased a real lot despite constant very heavy pain killers, so that often I broke out in tears at night time when this constant lack of sleep because of what went on around me, made me very, very depressed. I was allowed hardly any contact with the outside world. I did get on well with everyone in the hospital except for the people who could not afford to show much sympathy for me because they were under constant pressure themselves. A lot of the health care workers had to work long hours, without ever having a lot of time off to recover from the stress they were under. I was not allowed to speak to any doctor. Nobody in charge seemed to have time for me for a proper talk. I felt it was worth than jail, not that I have ever experienced any jail. I imagine jail can be pretty tough too for some people. During my stay in Shellharbour Private I also experienced a severe outbreak of carpel tunnel syndrome in both hands. Half the fingers are pretty useless now because of severe pain. This is why I have to type everything very slowly and carefully and very often corrections are necessary because I hit the wrong keys.Last night I woke up in distress after only a little bit of sleep. So I spent now most of the night trying to look up some stuff on the computer. But I feel now desparately tired again and the pain is getting very severe again. So I have to rest and relax but not without thanking my kind supporters. Including you, dear Carolyn, and especially thanking you, dear Gerard. Sorry, that I tried to keep some of the stuff from you for a while. Thanks also for your emails. These tend to cheer me up a lot. So, thank you for that. Love, UtaReply
      1. doesitevenmatter3 EditLove and (((HUGS)))
      2. auntyuta EditThank you, dear Carolyn
  8. ambrosequint EditHello, Uta…It is Joe Carli posting under a pseudonym of Ambrose Quint…a name I have used for a while for posting things…I see that you are in a lot of distress..I can only wish you better feelings for the near future as this situation must be quite dire and unsettling..I cannot say anything more than this..except I feel sorry for your distress…all the best Uta..Thank you, Joe, thank you very much!My son, Martin, recently had a horrible accident. He was unconcious on the road. It nearly killed him. His lovely dog protected him till help arrived.This shook me up immensely – My own distress is gone now. I am glad that Martin is home again and could write me an email – His GP is looking after him now. Thanks be to God!Reply
  9. freefall852 EditHello, Uta..you said on Gerard’s site that you would like some good conversation…here is the link to a new blog-site that I started soley to put up my book…perhaps THAT can give you some “good conversation”..regs..Joe .
    https://ambroseambles.blogspot.com/2022/01/caesars.html
    There you will see the “introduction”/cover pages and the first part..scroll or click to see the next and so on..Reply
  10. auntyuta Edithttps://auntyuta.com/2021/06/26/furosemide-and-colecalciferol-capsules/embed/#?secret=kLc9d9FZHw#?secret=FnIWO4XZhZThis is what I wrote on the 26th of June 2021 when I had seen Dr. Krish for the third time:
    “Yesterday, I had a doctor’s appointment. Since Wednesday, the 16th of June, I think it was the third time that I saw Dr. Krish (Nidja Krishnamurthy). Monika came with me to see the doctor. Monika questioned that I had to have more and more antibiotics.
    Dr. Krish then prescribed Furosemide and Colecalciferol Capsules. {See above for information)
    She also sent me to two different tests: First a blood test and then a test to check for blood clots in my right leg!
    Monika further mentioned that geriatric Counselling might help. I found the following online:
    https://www.mywellnesshub.in/blog/online-counselling-for-elderly-people-geriatric-psychotherapy/This article on geriatric counselling is very well written with a lot of insight:https://www.mywellnesshub.in/blog/online-counselling-for-elderly-people-geriatric-psychotherapy/Reply
  11. auntyuta EditHere is a bit of a copy from that article:“People into old age, need an ear to listen. They need someone to spend some time with. They should be felt understood, supported and valued. The losses of aging, increased dependency, anticipation of further deterioration of health or death, other physical illnesses etc. bother them very much and they should get a psychological support to make them feel calm.They need someone by their side toRestore their self-confidence and self-esteem
    Help them re-establish the continuity with their positive view of themselves
    Help them dealing with the loss of their loved ones
    Help them coping with the loneliness
    Support and make them feel their worthIT SAYS “they should get a psychological support to make them feel calm.”HOW MANY OLD PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY BE IN A POSITION TO GET THIS KIND OF PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPPORT?

In Memory of Gaby


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With Love from Gaby, Dave, Bonnie & Clyde

 auntyuta  Diary, Life in Australia, Memories  July 12, 2014 2 Minutes

img287

Gaby came down with poliomyelitis on her fourth birthday. That was in 1961. When she was 32, in 1989, she left institutional care and moved into her own home in Merrylands West, a Western suburb of Sydney. David (Dave) became her full time carer. But as a quadriplegic with breathing difficulties who needed to sleep in an iron lung, she needed several people to come in on a daily basis to look after her diverse needs.

Anyhow, Gaby was happy to leave the home for disabled people and move into her own home. 40 year old David did for nearly twenty years a marvellous job in doing whatever he could for Gaby. But in the end his health deteriorated more and more. It became impossible for him to the the things for Gaby he would normally have to do as her carer. It was a rather sad situation. Gaby knew that David needed help but she did not know how to provide this for him.

Gaby and David both loved animals. Soon after moving in Gaby acquired a companion dog provided by the people who train dogs for blind people. Dave liked that dog too. They called her Bonnie. A cat named Clyde became Bonnie’s companion. Gaby just adored her animals. They were like her children. She always saw to it that they had everything they needed.

Gaby with Bonnie
Gaby with Bonnie
Gaby with Clyde
Gaby with Clyde
Bonnie and Clyde in front of the gas heater
Bonnie and Clyde in front of the gas heater
img288
Bonnie is being spoiled!
Bonnie is being spoiled!

I happen to have still a Christmas card from Gaby and Dave with a calendar for 1998 in it. The card came with a book: A Tolstoy biography by A.N. Wilson, first published in Great Britain in 1988. This is a great reference book and a great read. Gaby chose this book for me as a Christmas gift. She did choose very well. She always took great care to choose gifts for all the family for birthdays and for Christmas. Of course her funds were limited. So she always looked for bargains. Quite often her choices were astoundingly good.

This is the outside of the card.
This is the outside of the Christmas card.
And this is the inside of it.
And this is the inside of it.
Gaby moved her electric chair with her chin, she used her mouth stick for phone and computer.
Gaby moved her electric chair with her chin, she used her mouth stick for phone and computer.
Here she looks like having grown up a bit more.
Here she looks like having grown up a bit more.
Here she is in her bedroom getting ready for the day.
Here she is in her bedroom getting ready for the day.
After Gaby lost Clyde, she did get a new kitten.
After Gaby lost Clyde, she did get a new kitten.
Blackie, the kitten, grew into this.
Blackie, the kitten, grew into this.
Gaby is having fun seeing Father Christmas.
Gaby is having fun seeing Father Christmas.

Sadly Gaby lost Bonnie. She was lucky that after some time she was given a replacement dog which she called ‘Honey’.  Honey was quite skinny at first but soon filled out a bit.

Gaby can celebrate Christmas 2003 with companion dog Honey.
Gaby can celebrate Christmas 2003 with companion dog Honey.

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Related

With Love from Gaby, Dave, Bonnie & ClydeJuly 14, 2020In “Copy”

RecollectionsAugust 22, 2013In “Life in Australia”

A Hearing, that took place for the past couple of Days, established that Gaby died of Natural Causes.May 12, 2015In “Memories”

Edit”With Love from Gaby, Dave, Bonnie & Clyde”

Published by auntyuta

Auntie, Sister. Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, Mother and Wife of German Descent I’ve lived in Australia since 1959 together with my husband Peter. We have four children, eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. I started blogging because I wanted to publish some of my childhood memories. I am blogging now also some of my other memories. I like to publish some photos too as well as a little bit of a diary from the present time. Occasionally I publish a story with a bit of fiction in it. Peter, my husband, is publishing some of his stories under berlioz1935.wordpress.com View all posts by auntyuta

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10 thoughts on “With Love from Gaby, Dave, Bonnie & Clyde”

  1. cardamone5EditThese pictures, and your narrative, warm my heart.Fondly,
    ElizabethReply
    1. auntyuta EditThank you very much for your response, dear Elizabeth.
      Sincerele,
      Aunty UtaReply
  2. berlioz1935EditGaby was a great character and was loved by all who had contact with her. She never forgot a name or face. On Monday it is two years that she past away suddenly.Reply
    1. auntyuta EditTwo years have passed. We do remember her.
      Thanks for the comment, Peter.Reply
  3. catterelEditShe lives on in your hearts – such happy memories. Blessings xReply
    1. auntyuta EditThanks, Cat. 🙂Reply
  4. aussieian2011EditA beautiful sad story to read Uta, a story of a Princess and her Prince Charming.
    David is to be commended for his love and loyalty, that is a beautiful picture of Gaby
    at her computer desk.
    Regards
    IanReply
    1. auntyuta EditYou are too right there, Ian, love and loyalty do play a great part in this beautiful and sad story.
      Gaby at her computer desk, this is indeed a lovely picture. 🙂
      Thank you, Ian, for your heartfelt comments.
      Very much appreciated!
      Many thanks,
      UtaReply
  5. auntyuta EditReblogged this on auntyuta and commented:This is a reblog in memory of Gaby.Reply
  6. auntyuta EditJust having read the whole story once more and looking at all the pictures that go with it, I cannot help myself, I feel I want to reblog this again in memory of Gaby!

To think of Gaby on her Birthday I copied this blog

AuntyUta

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Celebration of Gaby’s Life

 auntyuta  Life in Australia, Memories  July 14, 2014 1 Minute

Gaby died on the 15th of July 2012. This is going to be two years ago tomorrow. I copied here a post I published two years ago as a celebration of her life. The pictures show a lot of her carers, friends and family. We all remember you, Gaby.

Give thanks to the

Lord, call on his

name; make known

among the nations

what he has done.

Sing to him, sing

praise to him; tell of

all his wonderful acts.

Psalm 105; 1-2

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Gaby’s Birthday, 28th of AugustAugust 28, 2017In “Copy”

With Love from Gaby, Dave, Bonnie & ClydeJuly 12, 2014In “Diary”

Gaby’s WorldOctober 21, 2011In “Diary”

Edit”Celebration of Gaby’s Life”

Published by auntyuta

Auntie, Sister. Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, Mother and Wife of German Descent I’ve lived in Australia since 1959 together with my husband Peter. We have four children, eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. I started blogging because I wanted to publish some of my childhood memories. I am blogging now also some of my other memories. I like to publish some photos too as well as a little bit of a diary from the present time. Occasionally I publish a story with a bit of fiction in it. Peter, my husband, is publishing some of his stories under berlioz1935.wordpress.com View all posts by auntyuta

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10 thoughts on “Celebration of Gaby’s Life”

  1. cardamone5EditDear Aunty Uta:I am so sorry for your loss, but also happy that you appreciated and celebrated Gaby’s spirit both during and after her life. Lovely passage and photos. My heart goes out to you, friend.Fondly,
    ElizabethReply
    1. auntyuta EditThank you so much, dear Elizabeth. I very much appreciate your comment. Gaby’s photos fill out a great place in our hearts and memories.
      Sincerely,
      Aunty UtaReply
  2. auntyuta EditI thank all the carers for the outstanding care they’ve been giving Gaby over many years. I love you all!Reply
  3. elizabeth2560EditI am sure you will always miss her and love her, and there is so much loss and sadness.
    I admire you for your celebrating of Gaby’s life and to think of her life in positive ways.Reply
    1. auntyuta EditHi Elizabeth, yes in lots of ways Gaby made sure that we are always going to remember her. She has been very much a family person, even for all these years when she lived apart from her family. Over the years it became more and more apparent, how brave she actually was. Thinking back over her life now, her braveness is something that maybe we did sometimes not fully comprehend but took it somehow for granted. I think she deserves that we celebrate her life, for she showed us how to enjoy life, even when it means to have to overcome a lot of difficulties.Reply
  4. rangewriterEditI’m sure July 15 is always a horrible day for you.Reply
    1. auntyuta EditTo be honest, Linda, last year July 15 did not stick as much in our minds. Maybe the memory of her is felt a bit more every year! 🙂Reply
  5. The EmuEditA beautiful celebration tribute to Gabys life Uta.
    May her memory be a celebration of her life every day for you.
    IanReply
    1. auntyuta EditYes, somehow or other we seem to remember her every day. Thanks for your comment, dear Ian.
      UtaReply
  6. auntyuta EditReblogged this on AuntyUta and commented:I published this post six years ago and wrote in a comment: ‘I thank all the carers for the outstanding care they’ve been giving Gaby over many years. I love you all!’ Looking at the photos again, I am reminded again of the excellent care Gaby has been given and how this enrich the last years of her life! Tomorrow is going to be the 8th anniversary of her dying. Gaby, you are not forgotten!
    Here is something else I wrote in the comment section six years ago:
    ‘in lots of ways Gaby made sure that we are always going to remember her. She has been very much a family person, even for all these years when she lived apart from her family. Over the years it became more and more apparent, how brave she actually was. Thinking back over her life now, her braveness is something that maybe we did sometimes not fully comprehend but took it somehow for granted. I think she deserves that we celebrate her life, for she showed us how to enjoy life, even when it means to have to overcome a lot of difficulties.’

To live on Bonus Time

Yes, I definitely feel, that I live on bonus time, not borrowed time, but bonus time!

I do not know of any person in my family, going back a few hundred years, wo did live for as long as I’ve lived already. I am still healthy and strong, even though I have a number of age related handicaps, like very bad vision, hearing problems, breathing problems, problems with arthritis and dizziness and overall balance problems.

Still, I am healthy, and some people seem to think I can live much longer, maybe even reaching the age of 100. I don’t care. for as long as I am allowed to die a natural death. The fact is, that for quite a few years now, I have lived on bonus time!

This reminds me about a dear friend of ours, that my husband talked about often. Lesley came to Australia as a Hungarian migrant. Irene, his bride, lived in Croatia near the Hungarian border. She followed him, and they got married in Australia and had two sons, who are doing well. The couple moved to our complex of ten villas when they were already retired. My husband Peter and I became good friends with them. Meeting Les at the letter-box, Les told Peter one day, that he was living on bonus time. Les was already in his eighties by then, and Peter was a few years younger. Three days later Les was dead. He had a stroke and could not be saved.

I am still good friends with Irene. But sadly Peter died in December of 2020 of some very severe, terminal health problems . . . .

After the Death of a Partner

“Apparently the survival rates of spouses on their own after the death of one a partner are sad reading. Over 66% also pass away within 6 months as well. Loneliness is the main reason.”

gerard oosterman said the above on
December 3, 2019

I survived now nearly 27 months since my spouse died. Somehow, I cannot imagine, surviving another 27 months or more like this.

Today I copied an article about my deceased daughter Gaby and published it:

A Polio Survivor from 1961

I often contemplate now, how I seem to face a dilemma that is not unlike that of the one that dear Gaby had to face after David became too sick to do any caring for her. Well, officially, he had been just her carer, not her partner. They had separate bedrooms of course. As a paid for carer he had to be in the house with her at nightime, in case Gaby needed him in an emergency. When David did take a few day’s leave to travel somewhere to have a break, Peter and I, as well as our young daughter Caroline, would stay with Gaby for a few days. We always had a good time with Gaby. It was like a little holiday. But then of course we were always happy, when we could travel home again.

So, there came a time, when David could not do anything for Gaby anymore. So, Gaby had to look for somebody who could replace him. She tried and tried to find somebody. She never gave up. How can a 54 year old very disabled person find a trustworthy live-in partner? Difficult, very, very difficult. This is all I can say. Now, did Gaby want to end up in institutional care? No, never! So, to be honest, isn’t it somehow a blessing that Gaby did die peacefully in her own home just a few weeks before her 55th birthday? – Originally her life expectancy had been 30 years! I think, one can say, she did do extremely well with her life.

So, to compare the last stages of Gaby’s life with my last stages. Aren’t we in a similar boat? Nobody, absolutely nobody, is inclined to share some of his life with me. There is not even one person, who would be willing to share just an evening with me! The only exception is my son Martin, who might spend about a week with me, that is he may visit for about a week maybe three times a year! Well, of course these are very beautiful special weeks for me. But how can these few weeks make me want to live forever when for the rest of the year I have the feeling to go on living is not worthwhile anymore, because, really, there is nobody living close by, who would be able to spend a few hours with me on a more or less regular basis. Yes, one can have hope, hope, hope. The fact is, with rapidly advancing years, there may come a time, when hope just is not enough anymore, and one is only too willing to welcome eternal rest! 🙂

I can’t keep up with the younger people anymore. All my family are much younger than me. A more elderly person, with not too many other attachments, might understand much better, what sort of company I do need, and hopefully could make valuable time for me. I feel, it is really only natural, if my time is running out now. I am only too willing to face up to it. I think, for the rest of my days, I’ll just concentrate more and more on reading, talking, and writing. I am determined to enjoy live as much as possible for as long as I live, but that does not mean, that I want to live much longer, or for ever and ever. When the time is up, it is up.

“Holy Mary, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.”