Peter always said, that he is only half of one. I was the other half! So, what am I now? A lonely widow!
Actually, living on my own is not all bad. Some doctors, that I saw recently, told me, I could live to be 100.
Is it possible to love life that much, that one would wish to live for that long? After all, it is very unlikely, that a one hundred year old would still have any kind of partner: Just memories, memories . . . .
The above is the start of a post of mine from March 17, 2013.
I wrote then: ‘I anticipate that I’ll probably live for another five or ten years. I also anticipate that I might perhaps even be able to venture on another overseas trip when I am in my eighties!’
Well, by March 2023 the ten years will be gone! And what then? Will I keep on living, and for how long? What do I anticipate now? I could not say. I only know, life becomes more and more uncertain. Every year, every month, every day is just a bonus.
Peter made a comment to that. He wrote: ‘I hope you anticipate that I’m with you all the way. It is important that old people are not lonely. In today’s societies the elderly are often left to their own devices.’
And he was with me all the way, until he died. Two years ago Peter was given only a few month to live. And he died before Christmas that year. His oncologist had warned us that this would happen, for he suffered from bone cancer.
So, I am now one of those lonely widows. True, there are still a lot of positives in my life. I really do get all the support that I need. However, for as long as their was a partner actually waiting to hug me and all that, for sure this made for a good life!
Peter always said, that he is only half of one. I was the other half! So, what am I now? A lonely widow! Actually, living on my own is not all bad. Some doctors that I saw recently, told me, I could live to be 100. Is it possible to love life that much, that one would wish to live for that long? After all, it is very unlikely, that a one hundred year old would still have any kind of partner: Just memories, memories . . . .
Oh, no. I will keep Peter, and you, in my thoughts, prayers, and meditations, Uta. I want the very best for Peter…for his health and safety. It makes me said that you cannot be with him. (((HUGS))) and for both of you PS…I clicked on “like” button because that video is wonderful and made such an impression on me. My Mom lived to 97 and I will never forget so many of the things she said to me…especially in her last year of life.Reply
auntyutaEditI thank everyone for all your good wishes! Peter is in a cancer ward now. Caroline stayed with him all day. They had to wait in Emergency until Peter could be transferred to the ward on level 7. Visiting hours are there from 11 to 1 and from 5 to 7. For each visiting time only one person is allowed to visit. That means only one person can visit in the morning and the same only one person towards nighttime. Caroline and Matthew drove me to the hospital last night. That was good that I could see him then. But both Caroline and Matthew had to stay outside waiting for me to take me back home. Today, Sunday, daughter Monika wants to visit her Dad at 5 pm. We have not worked out yet, who is going to visit at 11 am today! I hope Peter had a good night in hospital, for he often gets breathing difficulties during the night and has very interrupted sleep because of that. He has his mobile phone with him and can call us later. Everyone is very friendly in hospital. So Peter is well looked after.
I copy here my above ‘Private’ Diary Post from Saturday, 25th 0f April 2020:
‘Everyone has by now some idea about the Coronavirus. It definitely has brought a lot of changes to our lives. How will all this end? Nobody knows for sure. We may have some ideas how it might end. However we cannot really know it, not exactly . . .
I think back to World War Two. Eighty years ago at this time of the year we had already eight months of war behind us. I was still only five years old. School started after Easter. But I was not allowed to go. I was considered to be still too young!
Our war in Germany ended on the 8th of May 1945. By then I was a ten year old. I emigrated to Australia in April 1959 with my husband and two daughters who were five months and sixteen months old. I left fourteen postwar years in Germany behind and started a new life in Australia. My dear little family did thrive in Australia. We did not make it to become rich. But we had a life in Australia, a good life. Neither Peter, my husband, nor I ever regretted our move to Australia. Yes, Australia has been very good to us!
Over the years we made a number of visits to our old country. We were amazed how prosperous Germany had become. Still, we were always glad to be going back to Australia. Four years ago, at the beginning of June, Peter and I made our last trip to Germany. Most of the time we stayed in Berlin, our home-town. Our son Martin had come with us and stayed with us, which was good. At the same time our daughter Caroline had come to Berlin with Matthew. They loved to get to know this interesting city. However on short notice they suddenly had to leave: Daughter Caroline had been called to Darwin on a job opportunity.
Towards the end of June daughter Monika had come to Berlin with all her tribe, that is with Natasha who is one of her daughters, and also with her twin sons, Troy and Ryan, as well as Ryan’s Partner Ebony and their sons Lucas and Alexander. They were on a tour from London to Paris to Switzerland to Berlin, where they stayed for nine days only, and then back to London, touring England a bit and then back home to Australia.
Why I mention our stay in Berlin four years ago is because that is where Peter first noticed something wrong with his bladder: Often he could hardly make it to the toilet on time! He always had to run, run, run to the toilet. A few weeks later in Australia a test showed that there was a tumour in his bladder!
For two years Peter received BCG treatment at Wollongong Hospital.
(BCG stands for Bacille Calmette Guerin. BCG is a weakened (attenuated) version of a bacteria called Mycobacterium bovis which is closely related to Mycobacterium tuberculosis, the agent responsible for tuberculosis. … BCG is also used as an adjuvant to stimulate the immune response and in cancer chemotherapy.)
Peter ended up with a battery of specialists: Urologists, an oncologist, cardiologists, a skin specialist, a dentist, hearing specialists, an optometrist and an ophthalmologist.
About two years ago heart bypass surgery was suggested because of Peter’s blocked arteries to the heart. Because of Peter’s brittle bones and his advanced age Peter decided he did not want any bypass surgery.
Recently Peter ended up in Wollongong Hospital with severe kidney pain. After successful surgery to drain the kidney and the insertion of a stent to the bladder the pain is gone. But Peter gets off and on severe back pain. Sitting in a comfortable easy chair usually helps him to immediately get rid of the pain. Also when he lies down on his side, the pain does go away instantly. However some Ex-ray revealed now, that Peter has the start of bone-cancer, which means that his bladder cancer has spread further.’
With the bone cancer spreading, Peter had no chance of survival. Peter died on Saturday, the 12.12.2020. For the last few weeks of his life he was given palliative care at home with daughters Monika and Caroline, as well as son-in-law Matthew and son Martin doing all the necessary caring with me mostly just sitting by his site.
After we had returned from our Berlin visit in 2016, I thought I would never again be able to go for another visit to Berlin. Surprise, surprise, it so happened, I did visit Berlin again in May of this year! We, my daughters and I, as well as one granddaughter, had just ten full days in Berlin. But I was able to see a lot of family and friends during this short stay in Berlin. So, I was glad, that I was given this chance for another visit.
“Located at 5 Crown Lane Wollongong, Kneading Ruby offers authentic woodfire pizzas & bespoke dishes made to share. Produced traditionally with the freshest seasonal produce, join us for a dining occasion with a casual modern approach.”
We had a lovely time on that day sharing some very good food. We had booked a table for eight.
At the moment the great news is, that finally we are actually planning to build a deck: It looks it may be happening very soon now!
On the following Sunday, 16th May, Peter would have been 86. I am going to have on that day some family and friends over for afternoon coffee and cake in memory of Peter.
So wonderful to have Mother’s Day memories AND to make new Mother’s Day memories! I love that you will be honoring Peter on the day of his birth. (((HUGS))))
I DO CONTINUE WITH A BIT OF DIARY FOR TODAY, 24TH OF MAY 2022:
For Dinner tonight, I wanted to have a bit of wine. But I had no wine left, none whatsoever. What to do? I checked the cupboard. Voila, some of last year’s DIARONNO was left. I had a bit of it with some Tonic Water. It was delicious together with my well cooked beautiful Dinner! 🙂
In last year’s Diary from the 10th of May I mention, how much I love to spend time with my son Martin. Actually, he rang me today. Following our phone conversation, I wrote to him an email about our recent trip to Berlin. Here is some of what I wrote about that trip:
We saw Ilse and Finn three times; and Peter Uwe and Astrid
I saw probably four times. I saw Corinna and Walter once;
also, Hendrick and family I saw once, Bergers once, Nadine
twice, and Petra once. Some people I saw in our apartment
only, other people I saw only at their place, or meeting
somewhere for a nice meal.
By the way, Michael Berger besides losing his father and
sister Gudrun, he also lost his wife to cancer some time
ago. His two daughters are married, each with three
children. Gudrun had two sons. One son is married
with three children also. 🙂
So, Doris has already nine great-grandchildren! 🙂
We saw Nadine’s partner, Stefan, and her little daughter,
Lina, who turned three on the 16th of May. (Dad’s birthday!)
We celebrated Ilse’s birthday at her place on the 13th of May, and then
with the whole family in an Indian restaurant on the 14th of May.
Restaurant PapadamDie ganze Genusswelt Indiens erwartet hungrige Besucher im PAPADAM in der Scharnweberstraße 6 – 7 in Reinickendorf. Das Papadam-Team hat sich eine klare Mission zum Ziel gesetzt: Wir möchten nicht nur ein sehr gutes indisches Restaurant sein, sondern Ihnen eine Wohlfühloase bieten, in der Sie gerne verweilen.papadam-berlin.de
Wednesday, the 18th of May, was the day when Bergers met us
for lunch at an Italian Restaurant at Prager Platz. And Iles and Finn
San Marino – Prager PlatzWILLKOMMEN IN BERLIN´S “LA SERENISSIMA” San Marino ist die älteste bestehende Republik der Welt – seit dem Jahr 301 unabhängig. Mitten in Italien, zwischen den Regionen Emilia-Romagna, Marken und Rimini, ist San Marino mit nur 60,57 km² zwar winzig klein, jedoch sehr fein gelegen.www.sanmarino-berlin.de
My Carpal Tunnel Relief Operation is on Thursday, the 16th of June! 🙂
Back to Berlin: The 16th of May was the only day that I did spend just
with Caroline, Monika, and Krystal! We had ‘Ice Becher’ at Victoria Luise
Platz. And then we went by Public Transport to the Ka-de-We. where the
four of us had a good time in the Restaurant at the Top, thinking of Papa. 🙂
We also did buy a few things at the Ka-de-We. I bought an old fashioned,
Ja, this goes back to some early childhood memories of mine!
Playing with the children that lived in our street:
I spent lots of time playing with all the children in our street, Bozener Straße. One of our games was playing ‘Vater, Mutter, Kind’. It was understood, that the father had to be a boy. Luckily, there were usually a couple of boys, who did not mind acting as the fathers. If the girls outnumbered the boys, it did not matter. They could all be mothers. Each girl was allowed to bring one doll along. This doll then was a Kind, so that each girl would be a mother with one child. And all tghe dolls would be shared with the boys. We would be very proud, to see the boys showing affection to our dolls, that were our children!
I think, a game like this would probably have lasted for only a few minutes! We would quickly have gone to play any of our other games. We could play all these games in our very small street, that was hidden away from any traffic. Not that there was much traffic yet at this point in time. I am talking of the end of the 1930s and early 1940s, and Bozener Str. is pretty much in the Centre of Berlin.
We loved to play ball games, or hide and seek, or singing and dancing games. I only went up to our apartment for meals. Mum would let me know, when it was time to come up for a meal by calling down to me from our balcony. From that balcony she could practically survey the whole of Bozener Straße!
The house, that I grew up, in is still standing. It survived all the bombings during the war. It just had to undergo some renovations in the post-war period.
We were lucky the cafe was open today, Wednesday, the first of May. We had some good breakfast there and ‘bowls’ of excellent coffee. Then we drove a bit around the backroads of this small town called Berry. Our first stop was here:
There were still a lot of wreaths and flowers from Anzac Day.
From Wikipedia:
“Anzac Day (/ˈænzæk/) is a national day of remembrance in Australia and New Zealand that broadly commemorates all Australians and New Zealanders “who served and died in all wars, conflicts, and peacekeeping operations” and “the contribution and suffering of all those who have served”.[1][2] Observed on 25 April each year, Anzac Day was originally devised to honour the members of the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) who served in the Gallipoli Campaign, their first engagement in the First World War (1914–1918).”
Berry Station is just down this road!
Our next stop was the Berry Swimming Pool that was closed for the winter months from April to November.
Here is some Wikipedia information about this town :
“As of 2013, the small town has a variety of arts and craft shops, restaurants and cafes, a hotel, club, post office, supermarket and other businesses, including an ambulance station, general practitioner and a chemist.
Kangaroo Valley has a bus service to Nowra and Moss Vale. Priors Scenic Express also provides a long-distance coach service to Bowral, Mittagong, and Sydney as well as to the Shoalhaven and South Coast, as far as Narooma.”
We stopped at a very nice cafe in the main street.
Oh yes, we had not great difficulty pretending it was 1995!!
On the way home we stopped at the Robertson Pie Shop for a cup of refreshing tea and some delicious fruit pie.
Here is a link to a post Peter (Berlioz) wrote seven years ago:
Among other things you find the following in Peter’s post:
“The other day, on the First of May actually, we were enticed by the beautiful sunshine to drive into the country site. Not far from where we live, about 70 km is Kangaroo Valley. On the way there and back we passed through Berry, a town on the Princes Highway. It is “old charm” town where on weekends well to do people from Sydney come to visit and do some shopping for things that do not come from China, like craft work etc. . . .”
“When the Cenotaph was unveiled in 1921, a tree was planted for each of the dead along Alexandra Street, at the base of each of these trees a bronze plaque was set recalling the soldier to whom the tree was originally dedicated. . . .”
Peter also did mention in his post from 2012 the Cenotaph in Berry that we visited again today:
“We drove a bit further and suddenly saw the town’s Cenotaph erected for the fallen of the two World Wars. The floral tributes from the recent ANZAC Day were still to be seen. I realised then, that perhaps Berry represents, in equal parts, the modern and the old Australia, and the fallen soldiers are the connecting element of this duality. Without knowing it they gave their lives for just the Australia we have become. Migrants of the countries that were fighting in the Great War of 1914/18 are now here. . . .”
In my post from seven years ago I mentioned the Berry Sourdough Cafe in Prince Alfred Street:
” . . . we drove on to Berry where we had some pies for lunch. We also bought some cake at the Milkwood Bakery. This is a newly opened bakery in Queen Street. They are a branch of the Berry Sourdough Cafe in Prince Alfred Street, which is famous for very good breakfasts.” So today, seven years later but also on the first of May, we did actually have breakfast at the cafe in Prince Alfred Street.
“Early in the morning we heard a song about the Hampden Bridge and we thought why not go there today? It seems to be the right thing to do. First of May is not a holiday in Australia. But what the heck, our life is a constant holiday and we can go to the Kangaroo Valley, that is where the bridge is, any time we want. So off we went. The Illawarra is a beautiful part of NSW and we are proud to live here. . . . “
Today we passed Hampden Bridge again, but did not stop there but drove on to the village of Kangaroo Valley.
When I put the ABC TV Morning program on just now, the first thing I heard was, that Drink Spiking has become a major problem. So, when I go out and someone offers me a drink, I have to make sure, it cannot be spiked!
Today is Wednesday, the 27th of May. Two days ago, last Monday, we had Anzac Day, that is a Public Holiday! This is why I had no home help last Monday.
My dear Summah is going to help me for two hours on Thursday (tomorrow) again! Then on Friday morning I can go over to the Club to see the knitting group ladies for a little bit, and maybe have a bit of lunch at the club. And tomorrow afternoon is another games afternoon for Barbara, Erika, Irene, and me!
This coming Saturday is going to be the last day of this month. So, that means on Sunday is the 1st of May!
Now, here is some great news: One week from next Sunday, that is on the 8th of May, I am going to be on the plane with my daughters Caroline and Monika, and Krystal (Monika’s daughter)!
We go first to Singapore. And from Singapore we catch a direct flight to Berlin, Germany, to see some relatives and friends . . . .
We are going to be back in Australia on Monday, the 23rd of May!
And how can there be adequate freedom and happiness with their government
for the whole population, or at least the majority of the population of one
country?
At the moment I am sufficiently confused. I ask myself, will we ever be able to achieve
lasting peace all over the world?
What about the defense industry: Does mankind really need that many weapons and war inducing facilities?
Can we not eventually talk to each other to settle our differences,
rather than attack each other in a nasty way just because we are different
from each other, and also may have different feelings about certain things?
What is there, that can unite mankind for good?
Why do we promote war rather than peace with another country?
Is war really the best way to ‘get our wishes’ for freedom or independence promoted?
You guess right: I am thinking more and more about how the Ukrainian people might perhaps be helped.
So, It is strange to consider, that the most hatred can often develop between very close people, like between brothers/sisters or cousins!
Well, it looks to me, to work for and achieve peace still takes quite a bit of time, especially if there are so many war mongers are among us that profit financially from the promotion of war!
It is the poor people that have to suffer most and more and more from all this.
That we can all have the ‘good’ life is again becoming just a dream and not the reality.
AuntyUta 