Are we Equals?


I just read the above article in the Sydney Morning Herald. It is an edited version of an article first published in The New York Magazine.

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So I am asking myself now can married couples be equals? The answer is of course, sure, they can be equals. However in a sexual way they definitely cannot be equals unless they are happy to live more or less in a kind of sibling relationship.

I think the French did get it right a long time ago: Viva la difference!

14 thoughts on “Are we Equals?

  1. Interesting article you found and shared with us, Aunty Uta. But I have to say, that the conclusions did not come as a surprise to me.

    Marriage can be build on many things but the sexual desire comes about because of the dual polarity of the people involved. Attraction exist where there is a “+” AND a ” – ” sign. Sparks must fly. Perhaps it is also the old “yin-yang” principle that is required for a proper union. Opposing forces have to interact to get results. Similar forces co-operate and use reasons.

    The greatest love affairs are those where reason goes out the window.

    I’m happy, I did not marry my sister.

    1. A lot of modern marriages are ‘peer marriages’, I understand this means there is equality in marriage. Traditional marriages are very different, aren’t they?

      It makes me think, Robyn, that traditional marriages are on the way out, for in our society most people want some equality in marriage. It is very interesting indeed how the concept of marriage is in the process of changing, or actually has changed a lot already. In the fifties and sixties most women stopped working once they got married. The husband was able to earn enough to support his family. Not any more so. Of course this brings changes in society. Not the least in sexual relationships as this article points out.

      Some couples may benefit by having a peer marriage, other couples may find it difficult to adjust to this kind of marriage. Well, it all depends. One thing is for certain, we live in a century of great change! 🙂

      1. We do indeed! The last century was also one of great change. My parents, myself and my oldest children were all born last century. Our youngest was born in 2002. What changes she will see!

        I think the sexual questions are around the change from the “lay back and think of England” duty perspective to the idea that women can enjoy sex too. Not just about equality of the genders in other spheres.

        I do find it very interesting!

  2. Love, marriage and carrots do go together but not always as expected. Many a man is excited by a whore and a woman by an insensitive arsehole. Sex is not logical or even reasonable. Lasting marriages works best when love is more than just sex, indeed has overcome sex. I suspect what is vital are friendship, consideration and lots of laughter. Now these qualities do not always or often mean sexual aerobatics at fever pitch. Nature doesn’t always favour the partner who is so exceptionally good and considerate, it becomes a kind of charitable ceremony. A bit like a lukewarm bath under a coin operated sputtering gas geyser.
    Sex is often the banana skin on the doorstep of many marriages. It is in the long run a bit overrated and has to be overcome.

    1. Hi Gerard, you raise some interesting points about marriage. It makes me think, for how long does the average marriage actually last now in our society? Personally I would not want a marriage with good sex but no love. If you ask me, what is more important, love or sex, I’d go for love any day. But of course if a couple can have both over a lifetime, they are extremely fortunate. I think it is somewhat unrealistic to expect every couple to be this fortunate.You are probably right, that in the long run sex is a bit overrated.
      Robyn mentioned this ‘lay back and think of England’ attitude. It is said that for instance Frenchmen are supposed to be great lovers who know how to pleasure a woman. I think if a woman can feel pleasure, a man probably does feel more pleasure too. It should be reciprocal.
      How often to have sex? I think it depends on age and whether you have enough time and leisure to create a romantic atmosphere. The sexual urges of a 20 year old are different from the ones of a 70 year old. We do change somewhat with age, don’t we? But this is all right. 🙂

  3. A very complex issue Auntyuta, and one I would not enter into at my age after 3 marriages.
    Sure to get me into trouble somewhere, if I voice my thoughts on the matter.

    1. Hi Ian, after 3 marriages I am sure you would have a lot to say on this subject.
      Maybe you could write about your experiences and thoughts anonymously?
      I wonder whether this would really get you into trouble? Another way of course is to fictionalize everything?!
      Or maybe just start writing down a few things and keeping it a secret for now. Some of your lovely poetry for sure could be incorporated in some of the stories?
      Ah well, you’re not that old yet. You probably have a few more years in which to write whatever you want future generations to know about.
      Thanks for commenting, Ian. I appreciate this.

    2. Very wise Ian. It is very difficult to have a discussion (I don’t want it to call it an argument) with a female before it turns into an argument about male / female relationship. They often think a male wants to win a point over the female. Of course we want to win the point, but on its merit and not in order to put the female participant down.

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