On the 28th of January the following was in one of my replies:
Right now, here too it’s raining a lot: Temperature is still around 20C though. Yesterday, before the rain started, Monika came along with all of her four grandchildren (my great-grandchildren!) and we went for a walk with them to the playground at the back near the grassy soccer fields and near all the beautiful trees. The kids were full of beans. It was cloudy and not very hot. I think last Tuesday, we had about 40C. This would not have been a good day to take the kids on such a walk. Strangely enough, yesterday, we were the only people roaming about, walking along the footpath, then across all these grassy areas, and having fun at the playground. Very strange indeed. We had the whole place to ourselves! So, isn’t that lucky, that we had such a good time before the rain started? From next week Lucas, 8, and Alexander, 6, are going to be back at school again. Lucas and Alexander are the cousins of Carter, 4, and Evie (16 months). The two little ones just love to be with their ‘big’ cousins, and the older cousins love to look after the little ones! It reminds me of my early childhood when I was so very fond of my older cousins. Evie is already a good walker and also tries to talk a lot!
My son, Martin, shares his dog, Millie, with his neighbour on a permanent basis. By the way, I am in luck, Martin is planning to visit me! He wants to leave Benalla on Sunday. I hope he can stay for at least a week, and I hope, that the borders wont close again. Martin is probably bringing Millie along again. I am looking forward to that!
Martin did actually come to visit! He arrived here in Dapto last Sunday, the 31st of January. Today he and Millie left early in the morning to go back to their home in Benalla. However, I am in luck again: Martin is going to be back here in about four weeks, with Millie of course! So this is then in March and they might stay for a bit over a week. And then I’ll go with them for a visit to Benalla. I am very much looking forward to that! The reason why Martin is coming here again, is, that we are invited to a wedding on Saturday, the 13th of March, that is, one of my granddaughters is getting married! Peter wanted to go to that wedding too. But alas, he could not stay alive for that long anymore. Rest in peace, dear husband. We’ll be thinking of you!
Right now, at 4 am, I feel like I want to do a bit of reflecting. I must say, that yesterday, throughout the day, I became somewhat anxious. Then everything changed just by making time for a game of Scrabble with Martin. This game was something we could both enjoy a lot.
It is great to have my son Martin here for a few days. I better refrain from thinking that I may be running out of time. Why not just enjoy every moment the way it is? And enjoying having Millie, Martin’s cute dog, around!
I feel, waking up early this morning was a blessing. It helped me to reflect on my present situation. Indeed, it seems to help me to get rid of diverse anxieties. I can only say: How good is it to be still alive! So, I am looking forward to today being able to spending again some more precious time with Martin.
Not so long ago I was given a second hand mobile phone. Peter and my children wanted me to have this so I could be contacted any time. Password? Can’t remember. Smartphone? I did not want one. Peter knew how to handle a smartphone. His smartphone lies now unused hidden away somewhere. I would not know how to use it! Even with my simple mobile phone I have sometimes trouble when I accidentally touch a wrong button. How should I know what all these buttons are for! The phone is for me just a commodity to receive important phone calls and maybe use for making an important phone call to a close family member. I cannot walk around with glasses. They make me feel dizzy! When I want to read or write something, or look at numbers, I need to wear my very strong glasses. At the computer I have different glasses that are not quite so strong. For watching TV I have even less strong glasses that are also sufficient for doing the dishes. And then for outside I have sunglasses that are made so I can look well into the distance. All four glasses have different coloured frames and cases to keep them in, and this helps me to distinguish them. 🙂
Bythe way since the year 2000 I am totally blind in my left eye because of enlarged macular hole!
I wrote this on the First Wednesday of the Month of June 2018:
The green rimmed glasses are for using at the computer, the red rimmed ones are for watching TV, and the dark glasses are anti glare sun glasses and good for wearing in the car. I also have some very strong black framed glasses for reading and writing and looking at pricetags in the shops.
Here is what you can find in Google about The Fred Hollows Foundation:
Yesterday I looked at a lot of Peter’s books and also at some of my books. I wanted to make a decision, which books I definitly wanted to keep, just to keep, and then which books I also wanted to read. I came up with a plan! So, my plan is to aim at reading two books every week, meaning over the year I should be able to read about 100 books!
Hopefully I’ll be able to read about 100 books every year that I am still alive!
I do like stories where there is a lot of dialogue to read, especially when it comes to a more meaningful dialogue. There is quite a bit of it in ‘HOLY SMOKE’. The book I just started today, seems also to be full of very meaningful dialogue. It is a historical novel. I am very much looking forward to reading it. It is written in German by Renate Feyl and called ‘Aussicht auf bleibende Helle’.
“Königin Sophie Charlotte und Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz – eine Liebe im GeisteDer letzte Universalgelehrte und die schöngeistige Königin: Mit diesem Buch kehrt Renate Feyl auf das Terrain zurück, auf dem sie mit überaus erfolgreichen Büchern geglänzt hat: die historische Romanbiographie. Sie erzählt die Geschichte einer Beziehung, die aus dem lebendigen Austausch der Gedanken Funken der Leidenschaft schlägt – und die Leibniz die fünf glücklichsten Jahre seines Lebens beschert.Sophie Charlotte, geboren 1668 auf Schloss Iburg im Fürstenbistum Osnabrück, begegnet Leibniz am elterlichen Hofe in Hannover, wo er in kurfürstlichen Diensten steht. Mit sechzehn Jahren heiratet sie Friedrich III., den Sohn des Großen Kurfürsten, und geht mit ihm nach Berlin. Hier besucht sie Jahre später der weithin berühmte Mathematiker und Philosoph, um sie für den Plan zu gewinnen, eine Akademie der Wissenschaften zu gründen. Während ihr Gatte mit großem diplomatischem Geschick das Ziel seiner Krönung zum König in Preußen erreicht, fördert sie die schönen Künste und Wissenschaften. Im Laufe der zahlreichen anregenden und geistreichen Gespräche entwickelt sich eine enge Beziehung, und Leibniz wird zum Gefährten ihrer Gedanken. Sophie Charlotte animiert den universellen und genialen Gelehrten zu einer systematischen Ausarbeitung seiner Ideen, die letztendlich in die berühmte Theodizee mündeten.Renate Feyl erzählt mit großem Gespür für die Sprache des Barock und die leisen Zwischentöne vom Zauber einer »mariage mystique« – einer geistigen Liebe voller Esprit und Dezenz. Und es gelingt ihr, die Atmosphäre des Berlin im Aufbruch, die Zwänge des höfischen Protokolls und die Freiheit des intellektuellen Austauschs in eindrucksvollen Bildern einzufangen – und zugleich das Porträt einer faszinierenden jungen Frau zu zeichnen, die eine eigenständige Rolle sucht und das geistige Klima am Hofe prägt.”
My blogger friend, Catterel, wrote to me the following:
“Writing helps sort out thoughts, ideas, feelings – and helps me stay sane and on top of things. Thank you for rebloggingui this,, dear Uta. I hope you are finding your way in this new year. Blessings.”
This I replied:
I like, what you write, dear Cat. You say, you hope for me to find my way in this New Year.
Yes, a lot of it is new for me in this New Year. Meaning, I have to sort out my feelings about a lot of things. What I wish most for myself is, not to get upset about anything. Make changes where they can be achieved, but to be happy, when the changes take time. Not being upset about it that maybe I do not have much time left, but to be happy about every day that is still given to me. And even if I can achieve only very little each day, to be content with just that little bit that I can still achieve. Even if sometimes I think I waste too much time, I want to try to be gentle with myself by telling myself that I really do each day as much as is possible for me to do.
These days I spend most hours of the day totally on my own, while a lot of the time doing the every day things that need to be done. This includes a bit of walking with my rollator, hopefully catching some sunshine and being able to enjoy beautiful fresh air! Also, while walking, becoming aware of my feelings and maybe of some distant memories. I might be feeling how important it is to be able to talk to people, yes wishing to have a conversation with someone, thinking about what I would like to talk about, or what some other person would like to talk about to me. As far as writing is concerned, this is often to me just like talking. I reckon, when you talk to somebody, you usually get some kind of response. Can I imagine some kind of response, oh yes, I can imagine a response about certain subjects that I would really like to talk about. How good writing is to somehow sort out our feelings and thinking!
Well, it is the beginning of 2021. We migrated from Germany to Australia in 1959. So we have been in Australia well over 60 years. We had two children under two when we migrated. And then we had another two children born in Australia. Australia definitely is our new home country wheras Germany is our ‘old’ home country!
When my father died of cancer in Germany in 1966, no way could I have contemplated rushing over to Germany to his bedsite. Airtravel to Germany would have been much too expensive for me. The first time we could afford to travel by air to Germany for a visit was in1977. After that Airtravel became more and more affordable. We were able to travel lots of times to Germany for visits. We even travelled to other European countries to England and to America.
Now, with the virus none essential airtravel is becoming outright unaffordable for the average citizen. Even travel between the different states in Australia is becoming more and more difficult. With all the travel restrictions in place because of the virus, our son, who lives in Victoria, nearly did not make it to New South Wales to be with his dying father!
For the past forty years or so we had become used that travel overseas as well as within Australia had become possible any time. Now, since this virus has to be watched, all of a sudden all this travelling has been put on hold. How do we cope with it? I must say, so far we do not seem to cope with it all that well. All these restrictions because of the virus go on people’s nerves. Wearing a mask to avoid infection? What a bother! No, to have to wear a mask when you are among people, really is not very pleasant. Germans would say: ‘Mach eine gute Miene zum bösen Spiel!’ That means you can pretend to be cheerful even if this thing is not to your liking!
And what about ‘Social Distancing’? How difficult is that for people? In lots of places, some signs on the floor indicate how far to keep away from the person in front of you. When it comes to sitting down, you usually are expected to leave the chair on both sides of you empty, and some signs indicate where people cannot sit. The exception is of course, when people are from the same family and live together, meaning people that do live together do not have to sit separate. But often extended families have the urge to sit close together too!
When they have that urge to congregate in clusters in order to be able to talk to each other, what does that indicate? Can we not talk to each other when there is a bit of room left between us? Apparently the urge is to be as close as possible to the person we want to talk to. This is the normal way to have a converstion, is it not? Well, not anynore! The virus teaches us something different. And we better learn quickly to cope with all these changes for the virus is going to be with us for quite a bit longer. Even all the vaccinations will not wipe out the danger of infection 100%!
The above pictures I took a bit over a month ago! Today I took some pictures outside because it was such great sunny weather. A lot in the backyard looked beautiful to me. It was a really good Sunday again. I spent many hours outside including an early morning walk and starting to read a book I had been wanting to read ages ago and never actually started reading it. Today I managed to read already 100 pages in three sessions. All the reading I did sitting outside in different places. It is so good to spend time outside. What could be better?
With the downloading of the new pictures I don’t feel quite up to it yet. I wanted to show Martin how much everything has been growing since he planted it. It really is very luscious growth this year after all that rain. But yes, it was very pleasant to have today a day without any rain and also hardly any wind!
Instead of today’s pictures I inserted now a few pictures from last month when Peter was still alive, but deteriorating a lot in that he was not able to eat properly any more, not even cake! We moved the card table close to his bed with Caroline’s sumptuous birthday cakeon it, so that he would feel included in the birthday celebrations. Alas, he managed to eat only a tiny, tiny bit.
These are the trees I always love to visit!Over th last few weeks and months we often had a lot of clouds!
Peter died on Saturday, the 12th of December 2020. The funeral was on Saturday, the 19th of December.
In my blog from 27th of December it says what I did on Sunday, the 13th and Sunday, the 20th of December. And that on Sunday, the 27th, I was happy, that I could stay at home after having neglected to ring Erica to ask her whether she could give me a lift to church. Now, nearly two weeks later, I feel, I am still not ready for regular attendance at Mass. Believe it or not, I am still happy to just stay at home!
On Fridays is games afternoon at one of my friends’ places. I know, this afternoon these games are going to be played at Irene’s place that is a few doors away from where I live. The games last for about three hours with a tea/coffee break in between. Last Friday the games were at Barbara’s place, that is also very close to my place. Because the games are being played indoors, I felt I needed to wear a mask. Barbara knew, that I wanted to come to her place on that afternoon. But I had rushed too much again and was a bit late. The others were waiting for me already: Erica, Irene, and Barbara. They pointed out to me, that they thought, it was not necessary to wear a mask. But I decided to keep my mask on, which was rather difficult for I felt too hot after having rushed so much to get ready on time!
Anyhow, I told myself, if I would go the following week to Irene’s place, I would make sure, that I would be ready and relaxed well before two o’clock. So, games at Irene’s place, that is today. Will I be able to make it? Honestly, I do not know yet. I feel, I do need plenty of rest today after having had an exhausting day yesterday. Will I be able to leave everything as is in the house and in the overgrown ‘garden’? Yes, maybe. But at least I have to cook myself a proper meal. Do I need to clean up the kitchen after this? Maybe not. Maybe I can just leave it as it is and concentrate on getting ready. It would be so much easier if I hadn’t have to go out at all. But I love to play the games with my friends!
I slept in this morning. I am still not dressed. I had a bit of a sniffle. Am I coming down with something? Or do I just need a bit of a rest after having done hours of weeding in the backyard yesterday and then having been out for hours with Monika and little Eve —-
There are still so many things to sort out in the house. For sure, I can take it one day at a time. Tomorrow, Saturday, Caroline and Monika are going to be here to clean out a few things. Most things they can sort out without me. So what am I worried about? I thought it would be nice, if I could attempt at least to look after the few things that I want to keep for myself. Anyhow, I hope, tomorrow I am to have a little bit more energy again.
This a copy of my Post from Sunday, the 27th of December 2020:
One day after Peter died was a Sunday. I asked Martin, could he drive me to church. And of course he volunteered to do this. I made it to the early Mass at 7,30 am. I did light a candle for Peter after Mass. Then, Erica came to talk to me. She knew that Peter had died and said, she was sorry. She remarked, she was happy that I came back to church. And she asked me, did I have a lift home? I answered, Martin, my son would pick me up again. It so happened, that Caroline and Matthew had gone out to the shopping centre to get fresh breadrolls and eggs for breakfast. They picked me up from church at exactly the right time on their way back home.
The following week on Sunday Martin drove me once more to the 7,30 am Mass. So, I could light another candle for Peter. On that Sunday I did not see Erica. It was the Suday when Martin went with his dog Millie back to his place in Benalla, Victoria. He left soon after breakfast and arrived home soon after 4pm. The border was closed the following day. Martin was lucky, that he had made it home without having to go into quarantine!
Now, today, is the third Sunday after Peter died. I was supposed to ring Erica and ask her, could she give me a lift to church! But somehow I did not feel like ringing. And I am glad I didn’t! I had such a lovely morning here at home, enjoying beautiful sunshine and doing a bit of gardening. Thinking of lighting a candle for Peter, I am going to do this right now, here at home!
Daughter Caroline and son-in-law Matthew went back to. their place in Marrickville. But they did stay with me for quite a while. I wanted to visit Martin in Benalla. But this is not possible for as long as the border is closed. Daughter Monika lives not far away and can help me out when needed. But for the next week or so she is on a holiday at the NSW Southcoast with her children and grandchildren. In the New Year Caroline and Matthew are going to help me with the settling of a few things. And so it goes . . . . .
One day after Peter died was a Sunday. I asked Martin, could he drive me to church. And of course he volunteered to do this. I made it to the early Mass at 7,30 am. I did light a candle for Peter after Mass. Then, Erica came to talk to me. She knew that Peter had died and said, she was sorry. She remarked, she was happy that I came back to church. And she asked me, did I have a lift home? I answered, Martin, my son would pick me up again. It so happened, that Caroline and Matthew had gone out to the shopping centre to get fresh breadrolls and eggs for breakfast. They picked me up from church at exactly the right time on their way back home.
The following week on Sunday Martin drove me once more to the 7,30 am Mass. So, I could light…
I have two daughters. Both of them are still in full time employment. They do depend on these jobs. During the past few months, while Peter had terminal cancer, they sacrificed already a lot as far as their jobs is concerned., because they were constantly helping out in looking after Peter, so that he could stay at home during the final stages of his bone cancer. They admit they would like to be able to catch up on their work now. Over the Christmas period they had some respite, which I felt they very much needed. Because of the Coronavirus both can work mostly from home. But when there are too many distractions, working from home is not always possible.
I know, that Peter on his deathbed kept worrying about the jobs of his daughters. He kept saying they should not neglect their work because of him. They kept assuring him, that it was alright. Their employment was such, that they could always get compassionate leave when it was needed. And I reckon this says a lot about employment conditions in Australia, well at least for those people that are lucky enough to be in full time employment!
Now to my son, who is already retired and lives on his own in regional Victoria. Even though his father had not much time to live and needed constant care, and even though a most senior Oncologist attested to this, and even though people were always told in special circumstances the border could be crossed on compassionate grounds, Martin, the son, still was not able to get a permit withiout going on a 14 day quarentine first. This stressed out Martin no end, for he did not know how many days his father would have to live! Peter could have died any day, really. Nobody could forecast how many days he would have to live. We were just told that it was unlikely that he’d still be alive by Christmas.
Miraculously, on the 23rd of November the border between NSW and Victoria was opened! Martin could finally rush to his father’s deathbed. And he could bring his dog along in his car. Millie, the dog, was loved by all in the family. She was no bother at all, for Martin took excellent care of her. He treated her really like his baby! He also helped tremendously by sharing in the care of his more and more disabled father.
Millie, the dog, was great therapy for everyone, especially for Peter. On the 12th of December Peter took his final breath. And one day after the funeral, that is on Sunday, the 20th of December. Martin had to rush back to Victoria. He arrived with Millie at his place in Benalla just before the border was closed again! Originally I had planned to go along with Martin to Benalla and stay there for a few weeks. However, at the same time it had been decided to have the family over to my place here in Dapto for our usual Christmas Eve celebrations. Martin having to rush off so suddenly did bring me sort of out of balance. I thought I could not go with him because of our Christmas Eve celebrations. But maybe I should have given the celebrations a miss and gone off with Martin – Who knows?
Martin hopes, the border can be opened again soon. He says he is already preparing my room, that is I am always welcome to have his spare bedroom and to stay with him for as long as I like. At the moment he feels kind of useless, because he cannot do anything for me.
I must say, these border closures are of course necessary because of the Coronavirus. Trying to keep the virus in check. for sure is very important. This brings a lot of peoples’ lives on hold! These closures turned out to be frustrating, especially for Martin. And I must say, for me too. So, sooner or later I have to get over it. It just takes some time. Overall we have been lucky. We must be grateful for the timing, I mean Peter was able to die in peace surrounded by all his loved ones! This is really something, when so many people are immensely distressed because they cannot see their dying loved ones because of the virus.
Is it only a bit over two weeks since Martin had to rush back to Benalla? I guess in about a week for most people the holiday time will be over. So from next week on we might be able to organise some of the planned renovations. I trust Caroline and son-in-law Matthew to do this for me. The question is, will I be able to escape to some other place, while the painters start working here? And then comes the laying out of a new floor! I reckon, it would be nice, if I did not have to be here, when all this is going on.
hen Australians want to go on holidays right now, they have to book holidays in the state they live in. The hospitality business suffers a lot because of this. Bookings in other states that had already been made, had to be cancelled! The borders are only going to be opened again, when for instance the clusters of Corona cases in Sydney and Melbourne are adequately handled, and when there aren’t any new cases for a while. Fortunately the tracking system works here pretty well. As soon as they find out that there is the possibility that you came into contact with someone who became a known case, they urge you to get tested. Thousands and thousands of people get tested every day to find out the people who might be carrying the virus. The bad thing is, that virus carriers, who do not show any symptoms, can still infect a lot of other people!
AuntyUta 