Today is the4thSunday after Peter died/On th 8th of November, that is just a few weeks ago, when Peter was still alive and able to visit the local doctor (with Olivia’s help that is), yes on the 8th of November I republished one of the posts from November 2011.
Now, I assume that most of my readers would not like to go to the trouble of looking up all these posts. However, for me it was most interesting to read through all of them again. It helps to give some kind of substance to what I do remember about the past nine years or so. These posts show me, that already nine years ago I could not help myself thinking about what would happen when Peter and I would come into our eighties. Well, Peter made it to 85 without any significant changes in our surroundings. I am 86 already. I must admit I am not at all used to organising some trades people to do any necessary repairs. Peter always did this. He always pointed out to me: “You can do it if you like!” But did he really want me to do it? I don’t think so. Whenever he was supposed to show me something, he soon got impatient and took over, doing whatever needed to be done rather himself. I must admit, I am a rather slow learner and always got scared I would not learn fast enough or forget soon again, how to do certain things. This also went very much so with work on the computer too. Whenever something went wrong on the computer he would take over totally, yes, maybe showing me a few things but without making sure that I had understood it properly. And it was very hard for me to ask for repeat instructions. He would just say: “But I showed you already!” and leave it at that.
In a lot of ways I am now totally dependent on the help of my children. I am extremely lucky to have three capable and loving children. But it is difficult for me to accept that I may have to disrupt their lives too much. I would like to have a certain type of independence where I feel that I am still capable of making my own decisions in every way and where I have not to told by anyone how to live my life!
One of my concerns at the moment is the ever increasing need for an overhaul of my backyard. When I look at that post from 22nd of August 2016 about the loss of three of our big trees, I am astounded how this backyard has changed again over the last four years or so!
I want to document what Peter and I did on the last day of 2012! Our day started with a trip to Bondi Junction, where we met our daughter. We had a cup of coffee with Caroline (sorry no photo). Then Caroline had to go shopping. We strolled back to the station. This time to a different entrance of the station, one that we weren’t familiar with yet. A beautiful large rest asrea opened up in front of us. Lots of different food and drinks were on offer at different outlets. In the middle of the plaza some delicious looking (homemade) ice-cream caught our eye. Peter and I each had a cup full of this very refreshing treat. It wasn’t expensive but tasted wonderful. There were plenty of seats everywhere to have a rest. We took the lift down to the platform. Only a few minutes and our train departed. We got off at Town Hall Station and went to the Queen Victoria Building where we had a beautiful lunch.
Later on we looked at the displays of some cake-shops. We were hoping we would find some Berliners. It is our tradition to eat Berliners on New Year’s Eve. We had no luck. We couldn’t find any. We went back to Town Hall Station to catch our train to Dapto. While we were waiting for the train we took some photos. The trip to Dapto took nearly two hours. Some shops in Dapto Shopping Center were already about to close when we arrived there. We knew we had a bottle of Bubbly at home in the fridge for our end of year celebrations. But we were still without any Berliners. I felt a bit tired and was sitting down for a while. In the meantime Peter rushed into another shop that was still open. Surprise, surprise, he came out with some delicious looking Berliners in the form of stars! He got them at half price for they were the last ones that were left! At home we watched “Dinner for One”, which is a tradition with us to watch on New Year’s Eve. It is a sketch about Miss Sophie’s 90th Birthday. Very, very funny! We’ve seen it so often and every time we laugh our heads off again. Peter tried out to take a few pictures from the TV showing Sydney Harbour. At midnight he took also some pictures of the fireworks. Soon after we went to bed. But of course we did have our Bubbly and did eat the heated up little stars with it. They tasted delicious, just as good as the balls, called Berliners, do taste. Of course we did get messages and phone calls from our children before we went to bed. All were wishing us a HAPPY NEW YEAR.
There are quite a few pictures in that post from the 1st of January 2014. And this is what I wrote:
At about half past eight in the morning of today’s New Year’s Day we drove down to Lake ILLAWARRA at Kanahooka and went there for a leisurely walk. It was a fairly warm and calm morning, meaning there was no breeze. However, the sky was quite overcast. And the cicadas were very, very noisy! Lots of walkers and runners greeted us on our walk. They all had had the same idea we had that it would be good to start the New Year with an early morning outing.
Peter reminded me that we should be back home before 10 o’clock to watch the live special German News of the Deutsche Welle. 10 o’clock our time was midnight over in Berlin where Fireworks Celebration at the Brandenburg Gate were to be shown. We made it in time for the big show. Ten hours earlier of course we had been watching on TV the huge Sydney Fireworks. At that time we had welcomed the New Year with some sparkling wine. Between the two of us we had half a bottle of that sparkly. That meant we had half a bottle left. It was not difficult to empty that left over half bottle at 10 o’clock in the morning! Peter’s sister Ilse, who lives in Berlin, soon did welcome the New Year by doing some skyping with us. Isn’t the technique marvellous for occasions like this?
Yesterday, Handel’s MESSIAH was performed in the Wollongong Town Hall. We went there with Caroline and Matthew. The Soprano was Siobhan Patrick, Caroline’s friend, who has been performing professionally for 20 years.
Peter is not religious. But he loves music like this. The text to the music is taken from the bible. It starts with:
THE PEOPLE OF GOD AWAIT THE COMING OF THE MESSIAH, THE REDEEMER IS BORN, CHRIST BEGINS HIS MINISTRY
In Part 2 comes:
CHRIST SUFFERS FOR HIS PEOPLE
I felt weepy when they sang:
He was despised (Alto) . . . .
All that see him laugh him to scorn (Tenor)
Later on:
THE GOSPEL IS PREACHED, DISCORD ENSUES, BUT THE LORD GOD REIGNS OVER ALL
The Soprano sang in a very lovely voice: How beautiful are the feet of those . . . .
Then the Bass: Why do the nations so furiously rage together?
And after that the Hallelujah Chorus
Part 3 . . . . THE FAITHFUL SING PRAISE TO THE REDEEMER
One day after Peter died was a Sunday. I asked Martin, could he drive me to church. And of course he volunteered to do this. I made it to the early Mass at 7,30 am. I did light a candle for Peter after Mass. Then, Erica came to talk to me. She knew that Peter had died and said, she was sorry. She remarked, she was happy that I came back to church. And she asked me, did I have a lift home? I answered, Martin, my son would pick me up again. It so happened, that Caroline and Matthew had gone out to the shopping centre to get fresh breadrolls and eggs for breakfast. They picked me up from church at exactly the right time on their way back home.
The following week on Sunday Martin drove me once more to the 7,30 am Mass. So, I could light another candle for Peter. On that Sunday I did not see Erica. It was the Suday when Martin went with his dog Millie back to his place in Benalla, Victoria. He left soon after breakfast and arrived home soon after 4pm. The border was closed the following day. Martin was lucky, that he had made it home without having to go into quarantine!
Now, today, is the third Sunday after Peter died. I was supposed to ring Erica and ask her, could she give me a lift to church! But somehow I did not feel like ringing. And I am glad I didn’t! I had such a lovely morning here at home, enjoying beautiful sunshine and doing a bit of gardening. Thinking of lighting a candle for Peter, I am going to do this right now, here at home!
Daughter Caroline and son-in-law Matthew went back to. their place in Marrickville. But they did stay with me for quite a while. I wanted to visit Martin in Benalla. But this is not possible for as long as the border is closed. Daughter Monika lives not far away and can help me out when needed. But for the next week or so she is on a holiday at the NSW Southcoast with her children and grandchildren. In the New Year Caroline and Matthew are going to help me with the settling of a few things. And so it goes . . . . .
A dining table decorated with Christmas baubles, a tree and holiday-themed napkins.(Pixabay)
. . . . .
5 tips to reduce the risk
1.If there’s one thing we’ve learnt this year, it’s that it’s not heroic to soldier on if you’re sick. If you are feeling unwell, stay at home. This applies to you and your guests. If you are hosting and you’re unwell, look for another venue, or cancel
2.Plan for an outdoor gathering — the risk of transmission is significantly lower outdoors. We should make the most of Christmas falling in summer in Australia
3.If you’re hosting a gathering indoors, dine in your biggest room, or spread everybody out across a few rooms. Open your windows and doors to let in the fresh air and, importantly, increase ventilation
4.Avoid crowded seating at the table. Set up a few extra trestles or camp tables to space people out
5.Encourage your guests to perform frequent hand hygiene. Stock up on hand sanitisers and soaps and have them readily available in all rooms and outside, especially if people are helping themselves to food.
Tomorrow, Thursday, we can have our Christmas Eve celebrations here at my place in Dapto. The Corona Virus update says, ten adults are allowed to come plus a number of children under twelve. My great-grandchildren, that live near here, happen to be all under twelve, namely eight, six, four and one. So they can all come! I hope the weather will be fine so that they can play a bit outside.
Today was a lovely day. I had a beautiful walk in the sun. There was a slight breeze that felt quite pleasant. It was so good to have sunshine all day after having had so many grey and very wet days. Conditions seem to be becoming rather tropical this year, meaning warm tempratures and constant precipitation makes everything grow enormously. I find it hard to keep everything a little bit in check. I feel like I live in a jungle. Up to a point I do like this lush greenery. But then comes a time when everything needs to be trimmed for the space on my property is limited. I intend to apply for reasonable help in future, because the work I am still able to do myself is quite limited. I quickly get out of breath, and if I am not careful, I am in danger of falling. I am so glad that I can still do some walking, even if it is slow, and I have to do it with the rollator, it is still very good to be able to walk outside and enjoy nature!
The last few days I have been totally on my own in the house. I am still not quite used to have the whole house to myself after the hectic times when any number of people were involved in looking after my dearly loved Peter. Palliative care to moderate the pain of a dying person, especially when it can be done at home, is mind boggling. I am so grateful that this could be done for Peter.
I am contemplating now, what will the end of year bring? If anybody should think that I do get bored with less action and excitement, be assured, that this is not so. I am happy when I get the chance to do everything slowly and at my own pace. If this is getting slower and slower, so be it. I have no desire for a hetic pace any more, none whatsoever. Besides, if I am left to do everything slowly, I might perhaps be able to celebrate my 90th birthday in four year’s time!
In the New Year some reovations to my house and backyard are going to be done. Luckily, I am in a position to pay for all this, within reason of course. I am saving now, for I think a lot of travelling is for me out of the question, especially with the virus still going around. But I’d like to stay with Martin, my son, for a while. He assured me, I could stay with him whenever I needed a break. His spare room will always be availabe to me. After Peter’s funeral, Martin and his lovely dog Millie made it back in time to their place in Benalla, Victoria, before the border was closed. Now I wait for the border to be opened again, so that I can visit my son and see Millie again!
Peter went into hospital on Friday, the 9th, and was allowed to go home on Sunday, the 11th. On Monday Caroline took another day of carer’s leave. This was a great help to us. Peter is going to see his urologist on the 9th of January. An earlier appointment was not possible.
Tuesday and Wednesday were extremely hot days. But Wednesday afternoon there was a change: It became much cooler, and later on it started to rain. It is still raining now, a nice steady rain. After yesterday’s very hot and later on cooler wind, there is no wind today, which makes the rain very pleasant.
Peter and I went to see a GP yesterday. Daughter Monika drove us there. We could not see our regular GP. We both needed a prescription, which another doctor then gave to us. It was no problem. Next week Peter’s GP is back from leave and Peter can talk to him then. He had been advised to do this by the head nurse in the hospital.
I might have to see my optometrist soon, because my eye-sight is not very good at the moment. Our car is still in repair. There is a chance that we may get it back today. Peter still needs a lot of rest and he is also advised not to lift anything heavy. He is supposed to drink a lot of water. This is sometimes a bit of a struggle for him.
From here Matthew picked Peter and me up after Peter was released from the hospital on Sunday morning. Caroline was with us too. We all had to get into the Proton because the Audi needed to be repaired!
Now we are all looking forward to next Wednesday when we are going to have a special lunch for our anniversary.
Now, that I do have time to write, I find it difficult to settle into a routine. It is for me a rather strange feeling to have any amount of time for writing!
This morning, at the breakfast table, Peter and I were reminiscing about that day when we saw Angie and Roy in Sydney. I found out now, that this was more than eight years ago when we met them in Sydney on that beautiful sunny Sunday!
Angie and Roy just sent the following message:
“Greetings Uta and Peter, From Florida we wish you some peacefulness in the midst of the chaos we are living. We have adjusted to living with the restrictions around us and can only hope that 2021 will be brighter. All the best specially to Peter. Sending light and hugs to you and all your family.”
I wrote back to them the sad news about Peter’s passing. And then they answered:
“Thank you Uta… We are saddened about Peter’s passing and wish you strength in this difficult times. It is your good fortune that you have your family near by. We can all celebrate his life this season and maybe we all meet again. A comforting thought anyway. Fond memories will prevail about our meeting in Sydney and Berlin. All the best and thank you for sharing the links.”
I wrote back to them now:
“Thank you, Angie and Roy! Yes, fond memories. And I do have a large family. This is a blessing, especially now that I am so alone. Peter did not want to leave me. He was always there for me. Our children were always close to both of us. Of course, they want to take care of me now. But they have their own lives too. So, for the time that is left to me now, I may have to cope on my own, as much as possible anyway. I just hope for good health a bit longer, even though the slowing down is already considerable. (You may have noticed I walk with a rollator.) Even though, it would be nice, if all of us could do some more travelling soon! Wishing you all the best for 2021!Love, Uta”
Our sad news is, that Peter died last Saturday, namely on the 12/12/2020. He is to be cremated on Monday, 21st of December, which is our 64th wedding anniversary!
On Saturday, 19th of December, we’re going to have a Funeral Service. In due time I may perhaps be able to publish a video from that Funeral Service. –
Peter’s cancer of the bone progressed rather quickly. He received right to the end good medical care at home surrounded by loved ones.
The 4th and 5th of December were the last days when Peter could still participate a bit in our lives and so was then enjoying a few things that he was still able to do. But then he got very much worse from day to day. For a while we thought he might still last up to Christmas. But eventually we realised he would not be able to make this.
The following I published exactly nine years ago! We still live in this home that we moved into in 1994. It is 2020 now. So, more than nine years ago we were already contemplating a move to somewhere else. Here is what I published in 2011, November 08:
When we saw the ad in the brochure, we thought immediately, that this could be our dream home. It was rather low priced. It was close to Goulburn Railway Station. It was also near a shopping centre with an ALDI store close by. What more could we want?
This could be our Dream Home! It was as simple as selling our present dwelling, buy the new place and end up with something like fifty thousand Dollars saved in the bank! People told us, but Goulburn, it is a bit out of the way, isn’t it?
No, we said, not at all. There’s the Railway Station close by. We hop on the train and are in Sydney in no time. The pensioner excursion trip to Sydney still costs only two Dollars and fifty cents! We can even go from Goulburn to Newcastle for our two Dollars fifty!
But you cannot do such a long trip that often, was the objection. We were asked, how often we were then going to see our children. How often do we see them now? We asked back. We pointed out, that we more or less only saw them for birthdays and Christmas anyway. We could still see them on those occasions, when we lived in Goulburn.
So we were all set to make the move to Goulburn, when it suddenly dawned on us, that the new place would need some renovations first. Renovations? At our age? Much too difficult! If we paid someone to renovate for us, we’d probably end up with no money left in the bank.
This is the end of the story. We are not going to sell our home and we are not going to move to another place.
POSTSCRIPT
I wrote the above exactly three years ago. In the meantime we’ve become more and more aware that our present home does need renovating. Somehow we just keep putting it off. In another three years we are going to be in our eighties. Maybe if we just put our time and energy into this home we are in now, we can keep living here even in our eighties. If we don’t come up with some major health issues, then maybe we do not need to go to a Retirement Village, even though living in a Retirement Village at an advanced age would make living a lot more comfortable for us.
In our area to buy a place in a Retirement Village costs about twice as much as what we’d be able to pay if we sold our present home, which just isn’t worth that much on the market. So a Retirement place in our area is out of the question.
Then about a year ago we came up with a new idea. That is, we found out that in a place about half way between Sydney and Melbourne we could buy a Retirement place for less than half the price which it would cost here in our coastal area. This place would be further away from Sydney than Goulburn but it would be closer to Melbourne where our son lives. And this place has a railway station, the same as Goulburn! But of course the trips would cost a bit more than two Dollars and fifty cents.
It would be good, if one way or another we could make up our minds about were we want to spend the last years of our lives. It looks to me, we’ll probably leave everything the way it is. For the time being anyway. Maybe we already live in our Dream Home! When we moved in here, the place was brand new and just perfect for us. We’ve been very happy here for the last seventeen years.
Hello, Auntie Uta. How are you? As they always say, “Home is where the heart is.” So true in your situation. As we all get older, familiar surroundings become more and more important. Your home might need some work here and there but I’m sure it’s filled with memories—every inch of space inside and around it. How can one begin to part with such a place? I’m with you there. Now that we’re empty-nesters and our daughter has decided to live in the city, our house seemed too big for us. We thought about moving. We thought about “down-sizing.” We searched for an alternative place to call our own. In the end, we chose to stay. We enjoy our home and our yard. We still like our neighborhood. We like the place where we buy meat, produce, and any comforts. We like going to the farmer’s market once a week. Or even eat at the burgeoning restaurant selection in our little downtown. And so stay we shall!Reply
auntyutaEditHi MOL!I agree with you: Home is where the heart is. As always you make me open my eyes to a lot of things. Your comments are very stimulating. Thank you so much for stopping by!In our case it’s probably time to give away a few things which we collected over the years. We accumulated too much stuff, that’s very obvious. Don’t they say: Less is more?In September 1964 when I had just turned thirty, we moved into our first home. It was a very small cottage, newly built on our block of land. We felt we were in heaven! It was a fantastic experience for us to move into our own brand new home. We stayed in this place for the best part of thirty years. On my sixtieth birthday we moved into our present home. It is a bit larger than our first home was. We love it very much. You’re right: ‘How can one begin to part with such a place?’Now, I ask myself, how on earth can we achieve to live in a less cluttered place? When our youngest daughter has a bit of spare time, she sometimes sets herself the task to unclutter a few cupboards for us. Actually she started on that a few times. Would you believe, it never takes very long for some more clutter to take up all the empty spaces! For instance, we keep most of our old video-tapes, including an old video-player. All this takes up unnecessary room. Why is it so hard to throw the old stuff out? Most of the videos we haven’t watched for ages. Are we ever going to watch them again? Probably not. So why do we keep them?Reply
MuniraEditMay you be followed by good health, wherever you decide to go Reply
Kate KresseEditWe are going through some of the same decision processes…trying to decide whether to get a much smaller house to try to save $$. trying to downsize possessions. also trying to help my mom do the same thing when i go visit her. i can part with things a bit easier than she can. but oh my i find it almost impossible to get rid of books! I use a lot of different books with my tutoring—i have an entire shelf full of math textbooks so that I can show my students various examples and provide them with a lot of quiz and test questions. May you and your husband keep your health so that you can enjoy wherever you live.Reply
auntyutaEditSome of our books are over fifty years old. How often have we said: From now on we’re not going to buy any new books! When we pass a bookshop and there’s a good sale on, we can’t help ourselves, we have to have a look. More likely than not we end up buying some more books. On top of it we have already a collection of E-Books. I find E-Books are a good read on our frequent train-travels to Sydney. Thank you for commenting, dear Kate. Best wishes for you and your family too.Reply
Kate KresseEditAuntyuta—I know what you mean about those book sales!. We have an amazing used book bookstore one town over….about 15 miles from here….oh my son and I could spend an entire day there! And our public library has a little shop set up right off the lobby where they sell books that are excess to them. Those prices are good to begin with and a couple times a year they have big markdowns….and of course there are the Goodwill stores that have books…..sigh. I can’t help it i just love books!!! I have a kindle that has some books on it too….love to you and your hubby today—and the rest of your family too
auntyutaEditThanks. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!
AuntyUta 
